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  1. #21
    diene's Avatar
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    Well, in that case, that would be the end of it. If you've already told someone that you don't eat X, and they proceed to cook X for you (like an idiot who can't follow instructions), then, I think it's fair to just toss X in the trash.

  2. #22
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    I love how this is turning into a guys defending the dude, girls saying "dump the pasta and dump that dude" thread.

    Honestly... I guess my personal opinion is that there are plenty of guys (or girls, if that is the gender you prefer to date instead) in the pond. Why date someone who is so difficult and non-accommodating?

    I don't try to change the person I am dating's habits and preferences, I try to make sure my vegan friends have plenty of food options to eat at my own birthday brunch and made my own cake so it is both vegan and gluten free, and Etc.

    I expect the same respect and consideration from others. If they do not have such respect for me, I wouldn't waste my time trying to figure out how to appease them. I will just bail and spend my energy elsewhere.
    Last edited by turquoisepassion; 09-05-2013 at 12:22 PM.
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  3. #23
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    OP, is grilling an option for you guys? Now that's a food prep that I've had men do for me. And no one can grill pasta, afaik.

    There should be some kind of compromise.

  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisepassion View Post
    Derp... You are hella smart but just plain wrong this time. This isn't about oppression or battle of the sexes. Girls can be manipulative too. I have been in enough manipulative situations to know what one looks like... Guy or girl.

    This guy in question is obviously either dumb (unlikely) or just being disrespectful and dismissive of the OP's desires and needs. Manipulating her by saying "but I made this" doesn't help.
    Thanks

    My issue isn't with this guy making the wrong food for her, but the idea that it's manipulative. He's probably just not used to it, after all, what does he have to gain by making her pasta? I think his intentions are being misconstrued here. If one just thinks maybe he's doing it to show it's my way or the highway, then why would he let her cook dishes for him that is compromising? He might just think it's for variety. I think she could stand to educate him, show him a few things about her diet, then it might not seem so weird(it is). She has said she hasn't even really approached him about it, her problem is just not being outspoken enough. The problem in this topic is that everyone thinks men are being oppressive and manipulative in a relationship possibly because of bad experiences. You're coming off different, but I'm talking about the first few posts.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by Derpamix View Post
    Thanks

    My issue isn't with this guy making the wrong food for her, but the idea that it's manipulative. He's probably just not used to it, after all, what does he have to gain by making her pasta? I think his intentions are being misconstrued here. If one just thinks maybe he's doing it to show it's my way or the highway, then why would he let her cook dishes for him that is compromising? He might just think it's for variety. I think she could stand to educate him, show him a few things about her diet, then it might not seem so weird(it is). She has said she hasn't even really approached him about it, her problem is just not being outspoken enough. The problem in this topic is that everyone thinks men are being oppressive and manipulative in a relationship possibly because of bad experiences. You're coming off different, but I'm talking about the first few posts.
    I think the OP did actually "add pasta" to her dishes for him, so they aren't compromising dishes at all.

    I know that if a guy really cares about me, he would try to make something I enjoy... Not just HE enjoys. That is the point. This dude simply does not care enough to bother.

    The guy I am dating is not only taking me only to places I can order something, but makes sure his friends know too when we go to their houses because I am too chicken to bother his friends. That is a chill dude. In return, I figure out what HE likes so I can do stuff for him. His favorite sports, his favorite foods, etc.
    Last edited by turquoisepassion; 09-05-2013 at 12:32 PM.
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by turquoisepassion View Post
    I think the OP did actually "add pasta" to her dishes for him, so they aren't compromising dishes at all.

    I know that if a guy really cares about me, he would try to make something I enjoy... Not just HE enjoys. That is the point. This dude simply does not care enough to bother.

    The guy I am dating is not only taking me only to places I can order something, but makes sure his friends know too when we go to their houses because I am too chicken to bother his friends. That is a chill dude.
    The guy really likes his pasta.

    IDK, I don't see why this is a big deal in an adult relationship anyway. I do think that people should be free to eat what they want, and he needs to see that. I mean, I wouldn't force a girl I was with to eat a massive fruit salad if she didn't want it. In fact, I never even prepare enough food for another person. Most I make people is whatever is leftover in my coffee pot. People are unique, with unique tastes, so, no one is going to like all the same things all the same time. I can see OP just eating the food every time he makes it, and perhaps not being stern enough with him because she likes him a lot, so, you can see how he would just keep making it. See:

    "Problem is I have zero willpower when people play the emotional card with food.

    I do feel neurotic agonising over this but this is the rest of my life I'm talking about (the food, not him). At the same time, though, my health is my health and I feel I'm putting my hard work to waste when I am presented with a big plate of carbohydrate affection ...... :-(

    Ideas on how to approach this nicely (I'm not too good at 'nice') would be appreciated, along with any advice on how to live with a person who is non-primal to the point of sabotaging my efforts (no matter how unintentionally) would be very much appreciated. Thanks xx"

    All points lead to that, not just the guy being a manipulative asshole. She has stated she is clearly too nice several times, and admits he's doing it out of good intentions. OP needs to harden up, and let it all fly, then compromise. If, after that, he insists, or acts like a baby, then the fears are not unfounded, and she can coexist with someone who will respect her low carb diet.
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  7. #27
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    I don't know how you get all that from cooking, which he probably loves, and sees doing as a pleasure thing, and wants to share it with someone he cares about. It probably comes as a shock to him that someone doesn't want his cooking, so, in fairness, maybe just tell him he can come up with some grainfree low carb culinary diseases and show him some creative recipes.

    Women have this weird mental state now, where everything a guy does that isn't exactly to her liking is some weird way of oppressing her via love and affection.
    As a girl, I agree with this. Most guys just are not that manipulative, and if half the time you eat the food, you are sending a mixed message.

    My husband doesn't get it when I don't want pizza or to try beer or am not excited about some food. He's just like "Oh, I want pizza". He's not "hmmmm, let's undermine her diet with some pizza and I can control things". He, personally, just wants pizza and thinks he is doing me a favor by bring one home so I do not have to cook. I always say thanks and make myself something else.

    Guy is probably proud of whatever stuff he cooks and wants to share. Tell him your diet is super important to you and that splurging on his stuff is not an option, but that you appreciate the effort.

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  8. #28
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    Hm...

    Maybe you are right Derp, it does appear ambiguous if she actually straight out told him she doesn't eat pasta...

    I hope we didn't scare the OP off.
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  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by magnolia1973 View Post
    As a girl, I agree with this. Most guys just are not that manipulative, and if half the time you eat the food, you are sending a mixed message.

    My husband doesn't get it when I don't want pizza or to try beer or am not excited about some food. He's just like "Oh, I want pizza". He's not "hmmmm, let's undermine her diet with some pizza and I can control things". He, personally, just wants pizza and thinks he is doing me a favor by bring one home so I do not have to cook. I always say thanks and make myself something else.

    Guy is probably proud of whatever stuff he cooks and wants to share. Tell him your diet is super important to you and that splurging on his stuff is not an option, but that you appreciate the effort.
    Good points. My husband did this for a while, but no longer offers and will make me-friendly foods instead. The OP wasn't clear on how much she has actually made known to her SO in terms of dietary preferences & needs. But IF she has made it clear and he's still doing this, then I say it's manipulative.
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  10. #30
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    Emotional Cooking

    "Oh this pasta dish looks absolutely marvelous honeymuffin, and I soooooooo wish I could eat it. It's just the last time I had pasta I got the most terrible case of explosive diarheah / shingles/yeast infection / hemorhoids, so I think I'll just pick out the chicken. It's not you, it's me. Please pass the wine"


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    Last edited by moluv; 09-05-2013 at 02:19 PM.

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