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  1. #71
    YogaBare's Avatar
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    Hey Jena,

    I've been following this thread but keeping quiet. I don't know why it's been hard for me to post, but your story really speaks to me. I suffered from depression and chronic fatigue for pretty much my whole life, kind of hitting rock bottom last winter and coming close to suicide.

    I explored the psychological and spiritual routes extensively. Massage, reiki, cranial sacral therapy, counselling, psychotherapy, yoga: they helped me understand myself, but I was still depressed. I tried every diet you can imagine: veggie, vegan, low carb, no carb, fasting, all you can eat. I followed my dreams, had a crazy social life: still depressed.

    Anyway, long and short of it: after a lot of research and experimentation I got a full hormonal panel done. I was diagnosed with a hormonal imbalance, went on medication and guess what? The depression is gone. It only comes back when a certain hormone dips too low.

    The medical industry does not understand what depression is. They say "it's a chemical imbalance" - but what does that really mean? What I've learned is that depression is a symptom that something is not right within our physiology. In my case it was hormonal. I'm willing to accept it could be something else for somebody else, but personally I think it all comes down to hormones. I can't believe how much even little things (like my perspective) have been effected by hormone treatment.

    That's not to say there isn't a psychological component to depression. I believe it begins as a mental state, and as this becomes chronic, the negative way of thinking impacts the body, makes us sick, and our sick physiology makes us feel worse. We then go to treat the mind (therapy) but not the body. Or, if we do treat the body / brain, it's with the wrong drugs. It's ridiculous to put people on SSRIs without checking their serotonin levels first, and yet I've never heard of a single doctor who's done that.

    So, my advice is: get your hormones checked (I should make this my sig at this stage ). Your blood is objective: your blood will not lie, and knowledge is power.

    I've been reticent to write here because it feels strange to assert that I've got the answers. I'm definitely not out of the woods yet - I still have bad weeks, but overall I know I'm heading in the right direction. I feel like I should be angry that I wasted so many years of my life being depressed but... honestly... even the most terrible times I went through seem worth it now. Life is so beautiful, and I'm so glad I stuck it out. You'll get through this, and you'll be glad you did.

    <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  2. #72
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    Thank you YogaBear. I am so sorry you had to suffer for so long. i appreciate you sharing your story with me. That is something I have thought about doing. Checking my hormone levels I mean. At the moment I am so messed up. I was feeling so much better and then bam, super powered anxiety! I've barely slept in 3 days and I am freaking out. And I have to be to work in 4 hours. I have no idea how I will make it. I understand why people kill themselves now. Now I understand why people get suicidal. I'm not, but there have been points in this evening that I thought I'd rather die then feel this way for another second. I'm so upset right now I don't know what to do right now... that's why I got on here. It's better than bawling my eyes out curled up in a little ball on the couch. I mean I can't sleep anyway. I am just praying (and I'm not at all religious) that I can make it through this work day and be able to sleep tomorrow. The one thing I can say is that the way I feel now is much worse than the depression and anxiety I was feeling, so it at least puts things in perspective. The idea that it may be a hormone imbalance does make sense in a way. I can have severe mood swings and be very emotional and dramatic (as you may have been able to tell). Omg, I am going to attempt a couple hours of sleep...
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  3. #73
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    Sending love and hugs your way. So many people are holding you in their thoughts right this minute. NOW. You are held and you are appreciated. A lot of us have been, if not there exactly, somewhere similar. You can and will get through this. You are strong and brave. Now, curl up in bed and imagine all of us, all over the world, holding out hands and arms to you. A shoulder to lean on, a hug from across the ocean. Close your eyes and rest.
    My journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread60211.html Into RPG table top games? Check out FateStorm and (in development) Vanguard!

  4. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jena View Post
    Thank you YogaBear. I am so sorry you had to suffer for so long. i appreciate you sharing your story with me. That is something I have thought about doing. Checking my hormone levels I mean. At the moment I am so messed up. I was feeling so much better and then bam, super powered anxiety! I've barely slept in 3 days and I am freaking out. And I have to be to work in 4 hours. I have no idea how I will make it. I understand why people kill themselves now. Now I understand why people get suicidal. I'm not, but there have been points in this evening that I thought I'd rather die then feel this way for another second. I'm so upset right now I don't know what to do right now... that's why I got on here. It's better than bawling my eyes out curled up in a little ball on the couch. I mean I can't sleep anyway. I am just praying (and I'm not at all religious) that I can make it through this work day and be able to sleep tomorrow. The one thing I can say is that the way I feel now is much worse than the depression and anxiety I was feeling, so it at least puts things in perspective. The idea that it may be a hormone imbalance does make sense in a way. I can have severe mood swings and be very emotional and dramatic (as you may have been able to tell). Omg, I am going to attempt a couple hours of sleep...
    I've been there with the insomnia - it can drive you crazy! People think that insomnia is caused by an overactive mind, but now I understand that when things start to get out of whack with my hormones, my sleep is the first thing to suffer. The insomnia is the first sign that things are going south.

    What's your diet like hon? I've been around the block with this, so I can offer you some suggestions that will give you short term fixes. But take reassurance in that this is NOT a natural state of being for a human: it's a sign that you have some kind of imbalance, and once you get that sorted on a physical level, you won't know yourself any more! You'll have the power to be the person you always knew you were, and all your suffering will have enriched you massively. Believe me. It will be worth it <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #75
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    Jena, one thing which might be worth a try if you're having sleep issues is Melatonin before bed. It's naturally occurring and over the counter at drug stores. I used to have medicine-induced insomnia, and taking Melatonin fixed that. I've also had trouble sleeping the past few days, and it helped with that too.

    Lack of sleep can be a very hard thing to go through. Just know that it doesn't last forever, and that you're doing great.

  6. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Castle View Post
    Jena, one thing which might be worth a try if you're having sleep issues is Melatonin before bed. It's naturally occurring and over the counter at drug stores. I used to have medicine-induced insomnia, and taking Melatonin fixed that. I've also had trouble sleeping the past few days, and it helped with that too.

    Lack of sleep can be a very hard thing to go through. Just know that it doesn't last forever, and that you're doing great.
    Thanks, but I'm not doing great. Today was a disaster. I stopped taking the Wellbutrin after what happened last night. It wasn't just insomnia. I was freaking out tearing my apartment apart looking for something. I think I was looking for Xanax. I hyperventilated and got really dizzy my joints and muscles were all stiff, my throat was closing up. Eventually I calmed down a little after downing half a bottle of wine, taking 4 benedryl, and a melatonin and fell asleep. I got 2 hours of sleep. The third night I didn't sleep. I had to go to work because I called in yesterday. I was a wreck. My coworker came up behind me and touched my shoulder and I got so startled that screamed jumped out of my chair. Everyone just stared at me. And as much as I tried to fight it, I just started bawling. I left and went to the bathroom. And when my boss was in a meeting my coworkers told me to just go home, that they would explain it to her. I really hope I don't get in trouble. This anxiety is unbearable and the insomnia and and anxiety are just feeding off each other. I have emailed my doctor twice and called her, no one has gotten back to me. They are going to have to give me something to relax me. The nurse just called me and told me that my doctor is out of town and she can't prescribe me anything unless I come in and see one of the other doctors. And the one I am seeing does not like to prescribe anything. Wish me luck.
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  7. #77
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    If you can get to an ER, they may give you something to calm you down. It would just be short term. Is there a walk-in clinic you could go to?
    Journal on depression/anxiety
    Currently trying to figure out WTF to eat (for IBS-C).

  8. #78
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    I canceled my doctor's appt. I remembered that I have a deductible on my insurance that I haven't met and I no longer have a co-pay. I'm 90% sure that the doctor I would have to see wouldn't give me anything anyway, and I'm not paying $70 that I don't have just to get turned down. The only clinic is the Family Health Center... I know they won't give me anything. I'm not a patient for one (its like a normal office for low/no income people) and they get non stop pill heads in there trying to score stuff... so they're pretty strict. Last time I went to the ER it cost me $1500 that still isn't paid off. God I hate this town. Sorry I know I am being super negative right now, but I feel hopeless. I know if I could just sleep for 5 or six hours I would be sooooo much better. I guess I will just lay here with my eyes closed and hope for the best. Thanks for the support.
    Cha-cha-cha changes.... turn and face the strange...

    My journal - http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread66276.html

  9. #79
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    Jena love - go to your doctors office. Do not wait for her/them to reply. They will dismiss any voice or email in deference to the person standing in front of them.

    You are not at work; your job right now is to take care of yourself. Take advantage of these couple hours, go to your docs and demand to get help asap. Even if it means sitting there all day. I'm not familiar w/ Wellbutrin and it's taper or no-taper but they need to see you in person and maybe you can ask about these hormone tests while there.

    Big. Freaking. Hug. To. You.

    “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

    Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

  10. #80
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    sorry. just saw your note about deductible.

    What would be worse, having another night (or day) like you had OR a $70 bill? Can you ask them to bill you, which will give you a little time to sort out where to get the cash but still get you in the door? Then, when the bill comes maybe you'll have had a chance to either save up the $ or if needed, borrow from a friend or family?

    If the doc says they can't help you, tell them to direct you to someone who can. Get a name.

    “you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.” Wavy Gravy

    Today I am Fillyjonk. Tommorow I will be Snufkin.

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