Tell me about your mother...
I know most people probably have tough relationships with their mothers, but has anyone here come through the other side, where you repaired the relationship, and now get on well? If so, how did you do it?
Long story short: My mum was violent (verbally and physically), angry, and extremely controlling when I was a kid. She criticised me all the time and made me feel guilty for being such a disappointment to her. Blah-blah-blah. As I grew up, I was defensive, and perceived everything she said as criticism, so we were always at loggerheads.
Then in my mid twenties I started to do a lot of honest soul searching, and all my relationships improved, including with my mum, though it was still difficult.
Over this time she developed a drink problem, which made her even more impossible (seriously, no one gets on with her) as she becomes completely irrational and verbally abusive when she's drunk (most nights).
Finally, 2.5 years ago, I had a *click* moment, where I realised I just had to laugh at her behaviour, and love her for who she was. It totally changed our relationship, and we started to get on really well. However, she became extremely dependent on me, and was always calling me to talk about her problems, which was exhausting, but I carried on supporting her as she legitimately has a lot of problems, and no one to talk to about them.
Anyway, things were going fine til I went on holidays with my family this year. Big mistake. I hate to say it, but she was a complete bitch. And while I was there, I realised that the reason we've been getting on well is because I've been babying her. While I was living under her roof (til I was 18) she blamed me for everything (she even told me that my granddad got cancer because of me) and expected me to put her feelings first. Finally in the last two years I started to live out that role of caretaker. I live in a different country, but I'm constantly flying home to spend time with her. She's an extremely unhappy person, and I feel guilty.
Really weird thing is that I'm playing out the exact same role she's playing out with her mother!
We had a proper falling out last week on the phone (she was drunk) and I really don't want to speak to her right now. But I'm hurting, because I tried so hard to make things work out, and there's not much more I can do to change myself when she's not prepared to change at all. I suppose some people would ask why I tried so hard in the first place? Guilt. I have this weird feeling of guilt. I feel unworthy of her love, and any time she does something nice for me, I feel guilty.
Anyway, sorry for the big sob story. I know it's hard to advise on something like this, but I'd really appreciate any insight.
Last edited by YogaBare; 08-26-2013 at 10:26 AM.
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