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Thread: Approaching family member about weight...

  1. #11
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
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    She knows she's overweight, and she knows it's bad for her. She knows it makes her life harder being overweight, and she knows people judge her for being this way. She may be feeling helpless, and if she is, things like setting the best example you can and cooking an occasional meal for her will be good. If she has made the decision that she likes her diet and doesn't want to change, this intervention will only create hurt feelings.

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    I'm perplexed about where your Dad is in this plan? You mention him possibly prompting a daily walk, but that's it. Don't they live together, and presumably share many of the same healthy or unhealthy habits? Don't they eat the same meals?

    I see your Dad as being key to the success of your plan. IMO, you need to start with getting Dad on board to make some healthy changes as a couple. I don't think it is likely to work if you single out and embarrass your Mom about her "problem." And it undoubtedly will embarrass her, no matter how gentle you try to be.

  3. #13
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    My thoughts, mostly ideas I got here.
    Ancestral Health Info - My blog about Primal and the general ancestral health movement. Site just remodeled using HTML5/CSS3 instead of Wordpress.

    My MDA Friday success story - Stubborn Senior's Testimonial

  4. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2012
    Hmm okay, I think this is a REALLY difficult topic to broach with someone, family member or not. And honestly, I'm not sure how I'd take it if my son suggested I needed to lose weight EVEN IF I did and I knew it! If she broaches it with you, that's one thing, but for you to gently approach her could be taken badly (oh, and using your son?? NO WAY... I know you mean it for the best, but trying to "guilt" someone into being healthier isn't going to work... it just makes them feel bad which is no way to get them to live a healthier lifestyle).

    I have similar issues with my parents. Actually, they eat a good diet for the most part. They never buy takeaway food (unless their grandkids are visiting *sigh*) and pretty much everything they eat is home cooked. Despite this they're both on statin drugs (which I have told them over and over are terrible) and yet they won't even consider that statins aren't good for them!

    My dad is a great case in point. His family, as far as I know, have NEVER had heart disease. His father died at about 89/90 after falling from a ladder and not seeking medical attention, and his mother is still alive at 98 (although she has dementia and has gone into a nursing home). Now, my dad is terrified of dementia (he even has a stock of chloroform at home so he can kill himself when he starts to lose it) AND YET statin drugs can cause the onset of memory loss etc (and his memory is going quite badly now... for example, he called me on the phone the other day and twice during the conversation he asked why I'd called him... TWICE). It breaks my heart, because he is a healthy weight, eats well and has absolutely no family history of heart disease and yet he believes he needs statins, and meanwhile he's suffering from a bad memory which could possibly be improved if he dropped the statins.

    However, my mother was a doctor before she retired, and he's a Ph.D in chemistry, so of course they know that statins are necessary ... I can't even talk to him about it any more!

    So I digress, but I find that we're not always the best people to help our parents, even when we have knowledge and could possibly help them. If a doctor told my dad to ditch the statins, he'd do it tomorrow. But because it's me... meh... doesn't matter what I say.

    I think if she were to say something to you, you could possibly help her, but I'd almost be inclined to refer her to someone else (a good nutritionist or something??) Just because she may take professional help from someone else better than she would from her son.

  5. #15
    Join Date
    Feb 2012
    Chicago area
    The only way I can see it working is if she wants to bond with a mother-child adventure. If it's something you do together and enjoy working on and supporting each other.

    But as someone else said, what about your Dad? Would this "adventure" drive a wedge or be a nice spectator sport? My folks are split--Dad won't stop drinking and having sweets even though he knows better, and Mom tries, but Dad keeps junk around that she can't always say no to.

    In the end we just have to love and accept them (and let them know that) and be available if they want support. Kind of what we wanted when we were kids... (I'm giving myself a lecture here actually)

  6. #16
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    Sacramento, CA
    The only thing you can do is love and enjoy your mom. I am speaking as someone who has tried to commit suicide by fork, it's a slow and all consuming process. I was 44 when I realized that I was actively killing myself, high cholesterol, sore knees, high blood pressure.
    I lost more than 100 lbs in just under a year, and kept it off for 8 months.
    Everyone will agree that a alcoholic shouldn't drink, or a druggie shouldn't use. When your drug of choice is food, you have no where to turn. If you go to a regular MD or RD, they will tell you to eat foods that made you fat in the first place. Then there are the 10,000 "diet plans" out there that will help you lose water weight, but little else.
    Change has to be decided on. She said that she won't change, mainly because she mainly eats how she's "supposed to" at least by SAD standards.

    Your mom is the only one who can decide, the more you push, the more she'll resist.

    If it helps, I wrote my story about losing weight A Journey: One Woman's Path to Healthy Living.

    Just love her. Keep her involved with your kid(s). Be supportive. Everything else is up to her.

  7. #17
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Chicago Suburbs
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    I think the Sunday meal together sounds great. But I would skip the preachy discussions. Perhaps she will enjoy what you prepare. I think you need to live by example, and let her ask questions. Start going for a walk each evening with your family, then bring that up in conversation. Something like "We're really enjoying evening walks after dinner. It lets us connect as a family and get some fresh air." Until she decides she wants the change, no amount of talking will do any good.

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