We co-slept for two years and I breastfed for four. The best co-sleeping arrangement, in our experience, was to take the side off the cot and put the cot against the side of the bed - sort of like a sidecar (use G-clamps to secure the frames, we had an adjustable cot, so it was completely level with our bed). The means the baby is close, but has own mattress and covers (we used a baby sleeping bag) so doesn't get squashed/too hot/covered up. Up until that point he'd been sleeping between us on top of our covers. The first few weeks he slept on a parent's chest and we stayed awake in shifts, but we were a little crazy. It does get easier, but maintaining sanity in the interim is hard.
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Your wife and child are not to blame here. She's doing the right thing for her and her baby's health and probably the best thing for everyone to get most sleep. Believe me - NOT BF and co-sleepoing would be far more exhausting/disruptive/noisy.if you can't cope, you nEed to leave the room. Sofa if need be. Or a camp bed. And no, 7 months is not a long time to be bf/co-sleeping.
it's biologically appropriate for children to cosleep, as well as breastfeed to natural weaning (ages 3-7).
I agree. you might consider a good japanese futon or thai massage mat -- i find these more comfortable than air mattresses or sofas, and being on the floor is healthier for you than the sofa anyway. They roll up easily so you can keep them in a closet by day with bed linens. You'll sleep much better.To the OP:
Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding so much easier for the mother. The best way to get sleep is just sleep in another room or the living room. That's what my husband does. Lets me breastfeed in peace, he gets his sleep, all 3 of us are happy.
Soon, the baby days will be over, and your daughter will be in her own bed and you'll be back in yours.
I sleep on the floor, or alternatively, I sleep on a Japanese futon. My posture is way better, and I sleep better, too. Mattresses don't seem all that normal or comfortable anymore.
You seem pretty stressed, op, I think you should lighten up and get some ear plugs and cherish your daughter instead of referring to her as a parasite.
I have to say, InSearch, you'll get no judgment from me. Sound slike you're doing a great job.
Dh and I were talking about how fast DS is growing up. Before he came, we'd been together 10 years (ish). He'll be in our household (likely) for 20 years tops, and then he's off on his own, right? He turns 5 in less than a week -- we are 1/4 of the way through our time with him. Shocking, no?
When people pressure us to get him into his own bed, or get him into this or that, we just go "are you nuts?" They talk about it as if this is "forever" (as you describe it -- my friend said "days are long, years are short." It's true!), and if you don't cut whatever you are doing out NOW, then they will NEVER leave.
My MIL was giving us pressure about something, and I said "look, DH moved to the *other side of the planet* in his adulthood. Can't we just enjoy that we're probably only going to live with this amazing person for about 20 years, and then he's out on his own? He may decide to move to the other side of the planet? We may never have the opportunity to be this physically close to him again, to smell his head and give him kisses at night? To rub his feet while he sleeps on top of me? To hear his sweet voice in the morning when he starts singing to himself as he wakes up? To hear him say "good morning mommy" in a little whisper when he realizes that I'm awake, too?
All of this is *so precious* and *so temporary*. I feel no need to rush him off into his own bedroom. I feel no need to rush him off to full time school and activities and overnight parties. I feel no need to rush him off to high school and college. It will happen -- in it's own time, in due time.
UNtil then, I"m just going to enjoy the heck out of our little boy. I'm going to love him and keep him healthy and let him decide when he's ready for his bed and his room and more overnight parties and so on. UNtil then, I'll enjoy what we have. And when we get there, I'll enjoy that too -- because that's part of being a parent. . . watching your little person grow into a full fledged adult able to care for themselves and willing to go out there and use their talents to help others in the world.
"Babies don't keep" and children don't either.
And my MIL was a bit put out, but she agreed. No need to push him out, he'll be out on his own soon enough.
So, you know, all of that intense closeness that a mom might do. . . yeah. . . the baby seems parasitic. But, it's a common joke among parents, so I took it this way. also that the op is really tired and frustrated, so it's a sort of "angry joke" in a way. Not mean or anything.
Also, seeing as he has a teen, it may have been that child #1 was early-parented differently than this one, and it's not what he expected and mom's asserting her needs as a parent and mother in terms of what she feels is right and best for the baby (and for her -- and this can be really good for some moms and babies, whereas for others, it's not good) -- and he might have a tough go of that. A lot of dads do. I mean, he goes form being center of attention husband to being second fiddle guy who lives with a mother-baby dyad -- which is a seriously intense relationship, I assure you -- and now he's getting kicked out of his own bed/bedroom because mother/baby dyad need to sleep together? Super annoying experience of total displacement. Add to that being absolutely zombie tired (i totally remember), yeah. . . no doubt this guy is frayed and frazzled.
Also, another alternative not mentioned yet is that Dad can have "his" bedroom and mother/baby dyad can do a thai massage mat in the lounge -- being close to the ground, it'll be very safe for them, baby can't roll off more than 2 inches.
Oh, I didn't understand I just thought that if he did see it that way, and was stressed cause of it, having a more relaxed and different mindset might help him sleep better. Ear plugs are essential too, especially if you're a light sleeper like I am.
What you said makes sense though, and no doubt early parenting(and, well, parenting in general) is very stressful.