Based on my experience, I'm having a hard time understanding why this is so hard on the dad.
With our first, he was in a cradle next to our bed and then moved into a crib in another room as soon as he was sleeping through the night. Once he was out of the crib and into a toddler bed, he was in our bed from 3am on, until his sister was born when he was 7. The sleeping arrangement was always kid, mom, dad. Dad was blissfully unaware there was another body in the bed, despite it being a double.
With our 2nd, she was in our bed (king-sized) from the get-go. The arrangement was baby bed rail, baby, mom, dad, 7yo brother most nights. Mom staked out enough real estate to give baby plenty of breathing room. She nursed unresticted until 18 mos, cut off at night until 2 and then cut off altogether when I had to go on antibiotic for Lyme disease, but still was in our bed until we bribed her with a princess bed at age 5. I found nursing while co-sleeping 1000x easier than having the baby arm's reach away and DH was generally oblivious.
Are you disturbed because you're a super light sleeper or because feeding is a huge production? For a dad to complain is so far outside my personal experience of small babies, that I'm not sure where to even begin.
CW-125, part calorie counting, part transition to primal
GW- Goals are no longer weight-related