How do you know if you should break up with someone?
Yet another relationship advice thread...
So I've been with my bf for five years. We've been living together for the past 4 years. The relationship started falling apart when we moved in together because he became really controlling. He doesn't like it when I got out without him, and I feel like I need to ask his permission to go out with friends. He also treats me like a maid at times. When we first started dating, I'd go over to his place and cook (because I like cooking), and I'd sometimes also clean shit for him (cuz I'm nice like that). I don't really mind cooking and cleaning, but I don't like it when the man expects me to do those things.
I'm also from CA, and I currently live on the East Coast. I hate it here. Really. Hate it. I want to move back home where all of my college buddies are. The fact that most of my close friends here on the East Coast have moved away over the past year also doesn't help.
My bf and I have been living in this apartment for the past 4 years, but we have to move out by the end of September. So we've been looking for a new place to move to, but, in the mean time, I have been thinking about moving back to the CA. After much agonizing, I decided that I wanted to move. And the time to move is next month since it doesn't make sense to move into a new apartment if I'm going to be moving back to the CA soon.
So this past Saturday, I told my bf that I wanted to move back to CA. I expected (and my friend who also knows him also expected) him to start belittling my decision, to try to argue against it, and whatnot. But he didn't really. He said, "it's okay, I understand." As soon as he said that, I started to cry. I cried a lot, and it was really sad. It was really really sad. And it hurt a lot. And I wanted the pain to stop so I started thinking about whether it would be possible to fix our relationship.
I started questioning everything. Maybe I don't really want to leave him. Maybe this is a mistake. Maybe I don't need to move back to CA. Maybe I could negotiate something with him...You know, maybe, if I had a job that allowed it, I could go back to CA 3 weeks out of the year (possibly spread out over 4 trips) by myself so I can still see my friends. Maybe that would be enough? I don't know. But a part of me obviously still wants to move back and still thinks that it's the right choice.
I also don't know if it's possible to fix our relationship. In general, is it possible for a person to change within the context of a relationship? We would have to go to couple's therapy because we don't communicate very well on our own. He's not really into communication, and, as a result, we have never really communicated much so now, my communication skills, as far as he's concerned, have atrophied. And I can't begin to communicate with him either. So we'd need help. We tried therapy once in the past, but it didn't work cuz the therapist sucked. If we're going to do it again, I'd have to find a good therapist.
But I don't even know if it can be fixed or if it's worth fixing. But it just hurts so much. It's so sad, and, sometimes, I can't believe that I'm leaving him. But other times, it seems like the right thing to do. Other times, it seems like I should have left 4 years ago.
So...what should I do?