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Thread: How do you know if you should break up with someone? page 2

  1. #11
    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
    Mr.Perfidy is offline Senior Member
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    I was going to guess NJ... lol
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  2. #12
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    Sounds like Memphis to me =P

    Coincidentally, I'm also from Cali and am hoping to get back there soon.

    EDIT: Missed the "Northeast" part, not that I was being serious anyway--just like to bash Memphis whenever I get the chance.
    Last edited by Cyborcat; 08-19-2013 at 11:02 AM.
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  3. #13
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    She just keeps saying, "the northeast." Massachusetts is probably real east-coast post-urban slum-sprawl like NJ though.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  4. #14
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    I was going to read your post a second time, and kind of respond to each part, but instead, I think it's better to just respond to what stuck with me lol.

    I'm a male, so this is the male perspective I suppose.

    When you said you're going to move, and he was like, Okay, I understand. That's a technique. I've seen it from other male friends, and it works surprisingly well. I've not used it because I haven't been in the same situation. But, as I said, I've seen it from a few others. Either the female gets sad (as you've done) or gets very, very angry.

    As a result, I wouldn't put any stock (if I were you) in your reaction to HIS reaction. You knew what you wanted, stick with it.

    Secondly, if you feel like a maid, and you've said something about it, and he's STILL not helped out, then be gone. You're not a maid. Think about how much he's disrespecting you. Sure, he may be lazy. But, many of us males who respect our woman, never put our lady in a position to feel like a maid. It's disrespectful. You can be disrespected by anyone...it's best to find someone who DOESN'T disrespect you if you're going to spend your life with them.

    The controlling aspect...this sounds of insecurity on his part. My lady and I are honest about wherever we go, and trust each other.

    On the flip side, my lady and I do a LOT of things together. Some couples are not like that, and I can respect that. Do you go out a lot without him? If so, are you in social situations? This is something that, as I said, couples can do together. He sounds insecure, but at the same time, you may want to get out to literally get away from him.

    My alone time as a man has nothing to do with not wanting to be around specific people. I get alone time mostly because I like to think about stupid crap on my own, and frankly talk to myself out loud if I want. It's healthy, IMO.

  5. #15
    diene's Avatar
    diene is offline Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by not on the rug View Post
    Where do you live?
    Lol, I think you've asked me before in a different thread--the one where I talked about how I'm an idiot who doesn't pay attention to her surroundings so people have tried to mug me twice.

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
    I was going to guess NJ... lol
    Quote Originally Posted by Cyborcat View Post
    Sounds like Memphis to me =P

    Coincidentally, I'm also from Cali and am hoping to get back there soon.

    EDIT: Missed the "Northeast" part, not that I was being serious anyway--just like to bash Memphis whenever I get the chance.
    Never been to Memphis, but I probably won't like it. I don't actually like that many places outside of CA. Austin, TX is the only other place I can think of that I kinda liked, and some places in Washington and Oregon (but the Pacific Northwest is kinda similar to Northern CA).

    But NJ is close--I'm in Philly. So it's only slightly better than Jersey, I think.

    Quote Originally Posted by jackaaron View Post
    When you said you're going to move, and he was like, Okay, I understand. That's a technique. I've seen it from other male friends, and it works surprisingly well. I've not used it because I haven't been in the same situation. But, as I said, I've seen it from a few others. Either the female gets sad (as you've done) or gets very, very angry.
    So what is this technique meant to accomplish? I think the female would only get very angry if she wanted him to try to persuade her otherwise, but the fact that he didn't made her angry. I was expecting him to argue or say something else that would piss me off. I guess I was kinda hoping that he would do something to piss me off so it would strengthen my resolve. But him being understanding and all just made me sad...


    Quote Originally Posted by jackaaron View Post
    The controlling aspect...this sounds of insecurity on his part. My lady and I are honest about wherever we go, and trust each other.

    On the flip side, my lady and I do a LOT of things together. Some couples are not like that, and I can respect that. Do you go out a lot without him? If so, are you in social situations? This is something that, as I said, couples can do together. He sounds insecure, but at the same time, you may want to get out to literally get away from him.

    My alone time as a man has nothing to do with not wanting to be around specific people. I get alone time mostly because I like to think about stupid crap on my own, and frankly talk to myself out loud if I want. It's healthy, IMO.
    I don't go out a lot without him, but there are times when I want to go out without him. This is because the dynamics of things are different when he's there. Him being there makes it hard for me to socialize. Either he doesn't engage with the other people, and then he's bored and wants to leave after five minutes, or he dominates the conversation and no one else can have a conversation.

    There are also times when I just want to hang out with a close friend alone. So we can talk about things that you talk about when you're alone with a close friend. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think it's pretty normal.

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    Never been to Memphis, but I probably won't like it. I don't actually like that many places outside of CA. Austin, TX is the only other place I can think of that I kinda liked, and some places in Washington and Oregon (but the Pacific Northwest is kinda similar to Northern CA).

    But NJ is close--I'm in Philly. So it's only slightly better than Jersey, I think.
    Much of Jersey is actually pleasant, clean, full of small farms and beautiful open spaces (it is the Garden State, you know).

    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    So what is this technique meant to accomplish? I think the female would only get very angry if she wanted him to try to persuade her otherwise, but the fact that he didn't made her angry. I was expecting him to argue or say something else that would piss me off. I guess I was kinda hoping that he would do something to piss me off so it would strengthen my resolve. But him being understanding and all just made me sad...
    Yeah, it's easier to be attracted to someone who isn't showing that much interest in being with you.

    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    I don't go out a lot without him, but there are times when I want to go out without him. This is because the dynamics of things are different when he's there. Him being there makes it hard for me to socialize. Either he doesn't engage with the other people, and then he's bored and wants to leave after five minutes, or he dominates the conversation and no one else can have a conversation.

    There are also times when I just want to hang out with a close friend alone. So we can talk about things that you talk about when you're alone with a close friend. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think it's pretty normal.
    Normal. Ditch him.

  7. #17
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    I just registered on this forum and saw this as the first post! What does this have to do with a primal lifestyle??? lol

  8. #18
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    Well..."Primal" is as you say, a lifestyle, and as such, is lived by people many of whom are interested in or affected by a great range of things not necessarily primal, and thus, "off topic."
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  9. #19
    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    But NJ is close--I'm in Philly. So it's only slightly better than Jersey, I think.
    awesome. I live just over the river in NJ.

    You should definitely, if still in the area in october, come out to the march against monsanto!

    Does your man like to spar at all? When the moon is full (tomorrow!) we get together in the neighborhood for such lupine reveling.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post



    I don't go out a lot without him, but there are times when I want to go out without him. This is because the dynamics of things are different when he's there. Him being there makes it hard for me to socialize. Either he doesn't engage with the other people, and then he's bored and wants to leave after five minutes, or he dominates the conversation and no one else can have a conversation.

    There are also times when I just want to hang out with a close friend alone. So we can talk about things that you talk about when you're alone with a close friend. I don't know if this makes sense, but I think it's pretty normal.
    It is normal to want to be an autonomous being. Hubby and I will have our 20th anniversary next month and neither one of us would ever dream of not allowing the other to have our separate friends. We have a lot in common but we are not clones and besides it would get pretty boring if we did everything together.
    Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.

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