I would never even consider an open marriage. I would be totally freaked out of catching disease.
Darker for some, brighter for some. No one ever said evolution was fair.
Originally Posted by Legbiter
So much this. It seems I misunderstood your other statement as viewing polyamory as a way to further avoid commitment.
Originally Posted by YogaBare
Kudos on crowd sourcing this topic in such a diverse community- it has been eye opening and interesting to read so many different opinions.
Yes that's the truth.
Originally Posted by wiltondeportes
I'll go with the monogamous option. An editor's pick on my part.
Which is your right, as a player in the evolution game.
Originally Posted by Legbiter
I'm torn on this... As long as both partners agree on what's acceptable and what's not then good for them. I think the most important thing is keeping the lines of communication open as time goes on.
But I heard a pretty clued-on anthropologist once say something about monogamy/open relationships and the dilemmas of those choices that I will always remember:
"We're not meant to be happy, we're meant to reproduce"
May seem a bit depressing, but I think it's a good reminder that there is no 100% happiness in either choice and we shouldn't expect that!
Yes! I think I just echoed that a bit ago. You have to think of the mind as being a tool for the body rather than the body being a tool for the mind. Then, you realize that happiness as a philosophy is good, but it also has a function. It's there to make us do stuff and reproduce.
Originally Posted by Aingealag
... I'm not going to comment on the first part of it, but a number of friends and acquaintances are in poly relationships. They range the gamut from being married and opening their relationship, to starting out that way, to being added into an existing one. There really is no one size fits all definition of it. For some, it is mostly about the sexors, but for others, it is about the closeness and sense of connection.
As for how it was brought up. My good friend ended up bringing it up to her husband about 4 years into their marriage. He was pretty open to it. with another couple, it was similar case, but the husband wasn't really open to it at first, or at least until being shown that he would get his (which in turn, has been a bit odd, as they have some fairly limiting rules in place).
Most of the relationships started out on the casual side and got deeper over time or as circumstances changed. Though there is the one guy who is just dating the other woman, has been for about half a year, and it is expected to remain casual (as she has no real desire to change that).
Jealousy is definitely an issue, especially when new people are added to the chain. Either when the person in question finds a new partner or when one of their partner's finds a new one. TBH, I think jealousy is part of the human condition, but how you deal with it is up to the individual. In addition, some people are much more possessive than others, which is something that anyone who is considering poly should think hard about (and how possessive they are). It can be worked through, but communication is key. Speaking of, communication becomes exponentially more important with the number of relationships (and at times is a juggling act between being open, sharing what is needed and what the other wants to hear).