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Thread: Has anyone been in an open relationship? page 4

  1. #31
    cayla29s's Avatar
    cayla29s is offline Senior Member
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    I would never even consider an open marriage. I would be totally freaked out of catching disease.

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legbiter View Post
    Polyamory in practice on a societal level would not be a happy utopia of free love where all the men and all the women got their rocks off whenever and however they wished, like, bonobos or something similar.

    It would be very much darker, a few high value men hoarding all the pussy with the rest clawing and scratching for rode-worn scraps.
    Darker for some, brighter for some. No one ever said evolution was fair.

  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    But in this, the commitment is to yourself. You are committing to being completely honest and transparent, sensitive to another person's feelings, and to challenging yourself. There's also a sense of giving up control. Idk, but those are all qualities that I want to develop further, and to know myself better. I find the whole idea really liberating.

    Sure it would be extremely challenging... but aren't relationships like that anyway?
    So much this. It seems I misunderstood your other statement as viewing polyamory as a way to further avoid commitment.

    Kudos on crowd sourcing this topic in such a diverse community- it has been eye opening and interesting to read so many different opinions.

  4. #34
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    Quote Originally Posted by wiltondeportes View Post
    Darker for some, brighter for some. No one ever said evolution was fair.
    Yes that's the truth.

    I'll go with the monogamous option. An editor's pick on my part.

  5. #35
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legbiter View Post
    Polyamory in practice on a societal level would not be a happy utopia of free love where all the men and all the women got their rocks off whenever and however they wished, like, bonobos or something similar.

    It would be very much darker, a few high value men hoarding all the pussy with the rest clawing and scratching for rode-worn scraps.
    I think I saw this in a book about evolution once.

    I would think if you were somewhat commitment phobic and wanted multiple or open relationships you would spend some time dating. As long as the people you are with know that you have no singular intentions for them and you are honest about it there shouldnt be a problem.

    Open marriages seem a bit more tricksey, but as long as all involved parties know whats going on you have to expect and except what ever the outcome might be. People get jealous and petty and petulent.

    Forinstance, if you are in an open marriage and your "primary partner" is with many or just a few other people and you, though you may want to are not, you could quite possibly become jealous simply because of how you may view yourself and any shortcomings you think you may have because you do not have equal or any secondary relationships.
    I find your lack of bacon disturbing.

  6. #36
    wiltondeportes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Legbiter View Post
    Yes that's the truth.

    I'll go with the monogamous option. An editor's pick on my part.
    Which is your right, as a player in the evolution game.

  7. #37
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    I'm torn on this... As long as both partners agree on what's acceptable and what's not then good for them. I think the most important thing is keeping the lines of communication open as time goes on.

    But I heard a pretty clued-on anthropologist once say something about monogamy/open relationships and the dilemmas of those choices that I will always remember:

    "We're not meant to be happy, we're meant to reproduce"

    May seem a bit depressing, but I think it's a good reminder that there is no 100% happiness in either choice and we shouldn't expect that!

  8. #38
    wiltondeportes's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Aingealag View Post
    I'm torn on this... As long as both partners agree on what's acceptable and what's not then good for them. I think the most important thing is keeping the lines of communication open as time goes on.

    But I heard a pretty clued-on anthropologist once say something about monogamy/open relationships and the dilemmas of those choices that I will always remember:

    "We're not meant to be happy, we're meant to reproduce"

    May seem a bit depressing, but I think it's a good reminder that there is no 100% happiness in either choice and we shouldn't expect that!
    Yes! I think I just echoed that a bit ago. You have to think of the mind as being a tool for the body rather than the body being a tool for the mind. Then, you realize that happiness as a philosophy is good, but it also has a function. It's there to make us do stuff and reproduce.

  9. #39
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    ... I'm not going to comment on the first part of it, but a number of friends and acquaintances are in poly relationships. They range the gamut from being married and opening their relationship, to starting out that way, to being added into an existing one. There really is no one size fits all definition of it. For some, it is mostly about the sexors, but for others, it is about the closeness and sense of connection.

    As for how it was brought up. My good friend ended up bringing it up to her husband about 4 years into their marriage. He was pretty open to it. with another couple, it was similar case, but the husband wasn't really open to it at first, or at least until being shown that he would get his (which in turn, has been a bit odd, as they have some fairly limiting rules in place).

    Most of the relationships started out on the casual side and got deeper over time or as circumstances changed. Though there is the one guy who is just dating the other woman, has been for about half a year, and it is expected to remain casual (as she has no real desire to change that).

    Jealousy is definitely an issue, especially when new people are added to the chain. Either when the person in question finds a new partner or when one of their partner's finds a new one. TBH, I think jealousy is part of the human condition, but how you deal with it is up to the individual. In addition, some people are much more possessive than others, which is something that anyone who is considering poly should think hard about (and how possessive they are). It can be worked through, but communication is key. Speaking of, communication becomes exponentially more important with the number of relationships (and at times is a juggling act between being open, sharing what is needed and what the other wants to hear).

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