Hi guys! I really need your help and I'm sorry if you're tired of this question.
I need to apologize for my English, it isn't my first language!
Okay I guess this is going to be quite a long text! I am 22 years old and I have been primal for a little over 1,5 years, and on a low carb diet for 3 years with 4 months not sticking to the plan before I went fully primal.
I was a child of poor health, born underweight and I was not breastfed more than for 4 months since my mum couldnt produce enough milk. I live in sweden and here every kid is recommended to drink a drink made of wheat, corn starch, vegetable oils and skim milk (sigh, still recommended) so of course I had to drink that until I was about three, every night and every morning, plus a few meals of pureed corn and whatever my busy mum could cook for me. I was sick, underweight with eczema and I had to remove my tonsils when I was 5. After that I could eat when I was sick too, before I couldnt because they were so swollen I could barely breathe. After that surgery I put on so much weight, and I was soon borderline obese. My appetite was huge and I didnt know why. My hormones went crazy and it seemed like I entered puberty when I was eight. Of course my friends at school picked on me and my only friend was also very chubby, so we together started to diet, when we were 9 years old. I was very active, I was a swimmer and played football, did martial arts and jogging, but my energy was constantly low. I did all those sports because I and people (nurses, doctors, parents) told me I needed to because of my weight. Because I ate so little, very low fat and moved so much I didnt gain more weight, and two years later I was just overweight. But my problems with food had started and I developed a eating disorder before seventh grade (12 years old). I ate to little and binged on weekends or when my body needed the energy. I never looked anorectic, never once my weight dropped under 63 kilograms to my 164 cm. I was in the normal range but still a lot larger than friends. My parents (they are great, I really need to point that out) was also overweight and tried all kins of diets at home. When I was 16 I moved to another city and lived by myself and decided to start to eat "healthy" for real. I followed the nutritional recommendations in sweden and restricted my calories even more. When I met my boyfriend he told me I really needed to eat more than one breakfast bowl of milk and cereals and a salad per day. Still my weight was around 65 kilograms and if I ate more I would put on lots of weight. At one point I ate around 800 calories per day. My BF helped me a lot without really knowing how huge my problem was, and I slowly started to eat more every time I was with him, when I was alone I didnt eat enough though. I did this and only put on 3 kg which felt pretty alright. I felt okay in my body, I wanted to lose more but I really couldnt but I never took any drastic measures like throwing up my food and so on, I wanted to be healthy and happy and I knew that was not the right path. I was a pretty smart kid and I soon realized I had a problem. When I was 18 I found the GI method and soon after the low carb high fat diet. I dropped to 61 kg and felt great, and I started to eat more and was eating approximately 1800 calories a day. Then I fell of the wagon during vacation, and in three months I had gained over 8 kg (!!!!) I started to think something was seriously wrong so I went to the doctors for a thyroid test. NOTHING was wrong. After the fouth month eating normal I went fully primal, ditched all grains (on the LCHF diet I still ate grains but very little as I was only watching my carbs) and ate less dairy, no vegetable oils. By this time my mind was almost healed from the bullshit eating nothing crap I had been struggling with for the past 10 years. I didnt count calories except for once and it was around 2000 on a normal day. For the first month on the primal diet I gained 5 kg (!) and it took me three months without cheating and eating perfect (no paleo treats, no paleofied SAD meals either) to start losing weight. I lost 4 kilos in three months, and there I am today. Yes. It has been 14 months since I lost anything. I have lost 2 kilos more though, when I was doing a whole30, but even though I was so close to 100% perfect low carb paleo and even more after those 30 days (except some cheese perhaps twice a week and butter instead of coconut oil/ghee) and I felt no other difference than the weightloss on whole30 so I'm not motivated to do all the extra work just for 2 kilos.
I still have pounds to lose, according to my BMI I'm in the overweight range and I was not before I went paleo/primal. I feel so much better though and I know this is right. I've been Primal for a little over 1,5 years as I said before, and been eating pretty well (LCHF) for 3 (2,5) years. I haven't been starving myself for almost 3,5 years. I abused my body for many many years, but I have seen people doing worse and still recovered within a year.
I am perfectly primal, I have tried being perfectly paleo (not eating dairy) for a couple of months when I was not doing a whole 30. I have only eaten a few paleo treats ever, I do not normally eat fruit. I have tried IF, I have tried eating more carbs for a while with no change (no gain, no weightloss) in the past months to experiment.
I do PBF inspired workouts 2x 30 min a week, I don't do any kinds of cardio but sprint every once in a while and walk for at least an hour to work each weekday. I have gained some musclemass but my body composition is still the same.
I'm just tired of this constant struggle. I don't want to think about my weight anymore but just living the primal life without worrying. If I do stop caring about my weight for a couple of weeks and eating a little more/ maybe snacking on nuts I can gain up to 3 kg. I'm just so sad that I have dropped all eating disorders but I still have this body image and constanty worrying about my weight. When Jason Seibs "the Paleo Coach" came out I bought it and I read it two months ago and started to work on my body image, I threw out the scale and started listening to my body. I havent eating much more than normal and havent changed the diet. But still, three more kilos when I weighed myself for the first time today. It defintitely put myself int the overweight category and it puts me in a total weightloss of 3 kg since I first started.
Please please give me your thoughts on this. I'm sorry for the length of my post but I guess the background story is very important here. I havent seen anybody in the primal/paleo community with this problem. When I hear, "I'm not losing weight" they have been primal for maybe a month.