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Thread: Hardgainer is trying to gain - Adrian's Journal page 30

  1. #291
    Shadowknight137's Avatar
    Shadowknight137 is offline Senior Member
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    Primal Fuel
    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    Day Eighty Three

    I had to wake up as early as during Mon-Fri : / It's because of my English classes from 8:30 till 12. But tbh I enjoy them! Today we were preparing for speaking and reading parts of CAE. I think reading will be much easier. Also I like use of English, but I'm sure I'll mess up grammar. However, I have a lot of time to practise it - I will try to pass CAE in May/June 2014.

    I had terrible stomach problems today (a.k.a. constipation). That's why I gave up KB circut today. I feel like a baloon. Really.
    Hey, Adrian! How you going?

    IMHO the bloating/bowel issues is due to too much fibrous and watery foods - I'd advice getting rid of some of those carrots and apples. I get the same thing. :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    snack:

    Attachment 14116

    turkey head cheese and grapes. too much grapes. I ate too much today and didn't workout.

    dinner:

    Attachment 14118

    5 chicken thighs, 4 wings, potatoes and button mushrooms. Too much wings. And one head of broccoli. Omg my stomach wants to explode, I can feel fat storing in my body : /

    supper:

    Attachment 14119Attachment 14120

    cc with honeydew melon, berries and honey, some raw carrots + two apples.

    I ate too much : / I feel terrible ...

    Have a good night. Tommorow I'm gonna hit the gym again. Results will be posted : 3

    Thanks for reading!
    No. No. No no no. No.

    You did not eat too much, stop thinking that. Stop thinking that right now. You're being ridiculous. IMHO, the only thing ou overdid today was your veggies consumption - a whole head of brocolli and all those carrots? That's a crapton of fibre, my friend, and a crapton of fibre can very well mean a crapton of crap. Just sayin'

    So what if you took a day off gym. Seriously. One day in however many days you're going to be a live, who really cares? In ten years - no, one year, or even a month - will you be thinking "Oh, I wish I went to the gym that day!". I find it unlikely.

    You're not "storing fat". That's insane, goes against science and trust me when I say it's all in your head.


    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    Idk why don't I talk to her.. I just don't feel like.. Maybe it's about trust ; /
    I strongly agree with EGrok about focusing on this girl.

    Make her your priority to be happy. Take her out, chill with her, invite her over, please her. Eat meals with her, get your mind off food and having to workout and just enjoy her - whether your relationship flourishes into anything or not, enjoy her company.

    Think about it: what are you trying to achieve from all this?. Your training. Your food intake. Who really cares?

    I don't mean this in a negative way, Adrian, because I enjoy readingt your log and like you, but I think you need to remember what it is you're actually trying to do here.
    Trying to bulk up? Why? For aesthetics? For strength? For girls? What use is it all if your mind is constantly on food and working out, and you're too tired to use your built strength outside of the gym, and you don't spend time with the girl/s because you're concentrating of food/exercise related things.
    What I am trying to say, Adrian, is that you need to remember what it is you're fighting for.
    What do you want out of life? Is what you're doing making you happy?


    Chat to the girl. Spend some time with her. I can honestly say that having someone who you know cares about you despite your flaws - whether it be anorexia or coeliacs, any kind of extreme restriction - is the single greatest feeling in this world.

    /endrant, We're all gonna make it brah
    Dark chocolate and coffee, running through my veins...

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  2. #292
    egyption grok's Avatar
    egyption grok is offline Senior Member
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    Everything that shadownight said seriously spot on dude

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  3. #293
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    Day Eighty Four

    First of all, thanks for your suppor. I had a brain storm today. And I didn't come to any good conclusion about my feelings. I only saw that my life doesn't really make a lot of sense. Why? I try to be healthy, strong and to look good.. but.. who for? My parents don't really care, I have almost no close friends and no gf or smth. But I'm not outgoing enough to find new people.. I'm stuck : / Anyway I need to go out with some and have some fun, relax, stress out and forget about food. I see that I'm a little obsessed now. But who cares... I think none in my closest envirnoment.

    I need some changes. But can't do any step forward. I stopped to count calories, now I think more about workouts - it's like one step and two steps back.

    Also I didn't learn enough through this weekend. Thanks to my goddamn bad mood. I noticed that when I'm stressed, I eat more and do less. I should care for my future, but for last few days I feel like crying and shouting. Jesus.. Idk what's happening. I miss my old life, when I had more friends and didn't care about school etc. It was long time ago, but I feel so baaad when I think about it. I can't consider learning more as bad thing, but there is something missing now. I think it's lack of social contact and just simply FUN.

    Anyway, I had to hit the gym today. It helped a bit as I could lift some iron and let my pain go out for a while. I could focus on something different.

    Workout:

    Squat: 5x5 x 60 kg
    Deadlift: 1x5 x 87 kg
    OHP: 1x5 x 35 kg ; 4x5 x 32 kg
    Barabell row: 5x5 x 45 kg
    Close grip bench press: 3x8 x 35 kg
    Incline bicep curls w/ barabell: 3x8 x 35 kg
    Cable crunches: 3x10 x 40 kg

    Foods today:

    breakfast:

    WP_20131027_001.jpg

    cc with honey, mango and berries

    post workout lunch:

    WP_20131027_002.jpg

    pic shows only a small part of 3 apples, pistachios and 4 or 5 small plums


    dinner:

    WP_20131027_003.jpg

    2 chicken breasts with skin on + boiled carrots

    supper:

    WP_20131027_004.jpg

    a huge block of cc with maple syrup, apple and two grapefruits


    I also cycled for around 45 minutes on my fixie <3 Weather was straaaaange today - almost 25C...

    I made some green tea jello today, tommorow I'll post pics and tell you smth about it's taste.

    To ebrady, EG and Shadowknight - I'm very sorry, but I feel exhausted and I'll reply tommorow to your journals : / I'm really sorry friends... Have a good night! I appericate your help really much! I just don't feel like doing anything now. I'm gonna go to bed and listen to some relaxing drum and bass..... Maybe I'll read a book. It's not my day..

    Thank you for reading and best wishes for entire week!

    Hardgainer trying to gain - my primal journal : http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread91644.html

  4. #294
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    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    I had a brain storm today. And I didn't come to any good conclusion about my feelings. I only saw that my life doesn't really make a lot of sense. Why? I try to be healthy, strong and to look good.. but.. who for? My parents don't really care, I have almost no close friends and no gf or smth. But I'm not outgoing enough to find new people.. I'm stuck : / Anyway I need to go out with some and have some fun, relax, stress out and forget about food. I see that I'm a little obsessed now. But who cares... I think none in my closest envirnoment.
    Adrian...

    How does your life not make sense? You're healthy and strong...for you. It's your body, and you consciously take care of it. Now how you utilise it is up to you. Are you happy with just going about your business, with no friends or girlfriend to appreciate it? Clearly you're not; you'd rather have close friends and a girlfriend. That's OK.

    Like ShadowKnight and EGrok have already said talk to the girl. Back when you were feeling good about everything, you contacted her regularly, and you talked. You said that there is a mutual connection (not necessarily romantic) and that she understands you well. It seems perfect that you two could rekindle your relationship! Just start talking to her again. I'm sure she'll appreciate it.

    How many close friends do you have? If you're close, you should invite them out? If they hang out with other people...go along with them. I know you're shy; but if you just stick with the people you know, then others may approach you; or you may become more confident over time to approach them

    Is there anyone in your school you may want to be friends with? What about the gym? If so, I really do suggest just swallowing your fear and faking confidence, and going up and starting a conversation. You'd be surprised by how many people are shy, honestly, and who'd love to talk to you. You say you're not outgoing; and you said in your first post that you're introverted - you have no idea how many people adore these traits. Honestly. I have a mixture of reserved and outgoing friends, and I love 'em all. People can't all be the same. Diversity is the spice o'life.

    I also think you're wrong about how no one in your close environment cares. I imagine your parents have backed off your eating habits because they see you're eating healthily and that you're gaining muscle mass; they care about you immensely. I bet your friends care. I bet that girl still cares.

    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    I need some changes. But can't do any step forward. I stopped to count calories, now I think more about workouts - it's like one step and two steps back.
    Not at all. You may need to think less about workouts, but that is 100% not the same as your eating disorder. You overcame something extraordinarily detrimental to your health, and that's amazing. Now you say you have gone in the opposite direction - you're concentrating *too much* on health gains. That's OK - just understand that one treat, or one missed workout, won't kill you. And missing a workout to spend time with friends is always OK

    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    Also I didn't learn enough through this weekend. Thanks to my goddamn bad mood. I noticed that when I'm stressed, I eat more and do less. I should care for my future, but for last few days I feel like crying and shouting. Jesus.. Idk what's happening. I miss my old life, when I had more friends and didn't care about school etc. It was long time ago, but I feel so baaad when I think about it. I can't consider learning more as bad thing, but there is something missing now. I think it's lack of social contact and just simply FUN.
    You just need balance. Balance between a social life, school work, and working out.

    You seen the Shining? "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy" or, in your case, frustrated. You can't motivate yourself to work hard if you've got nothing to look forward to! Likewise, you can't work if you're always out partying :P

    You've reached these conclusions yourself, though. You need to go out with friends more. You know this. You just have to do something about that - and being shy, that's the hard part. But if you do it, you'll realise how worth it it is. Besides, you're too sweet and intelligent and amazing to not have someone appreciate you :3

    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    I also cycled for around 45 minutes on my fixie <3 Weather was straaaaange today - almost 25C...
    Perfect fixie weather! <3

    Quote Originally Posted by Adrian View Post
    To ebrady, EG and Shadowknight - I'm very sorry, but I feel exhausted and I'll reply tommorow to your journals : / I'm really sorry friends... Have a good night! I appericate your help really much! I just don't feel like doing anything now. I'm gonna go to bed and listen to some relaxing drum and bass..... Maybe I'll read a book. It's not my day..
    It's OK Adrian! Just take care of yourself. Hope the music and reading helps - it normally helps me :3 <3

    Anyhow, where's Shadowknight? We all know he's the king of advice :P

  5. #295
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    Adrian,
    I am sorry to read you are so stressed.
    Try to do the gym max 3 times per week, it will give you more time for socializing and will be better for you muscles as well. Can you find a good group sport to do once a week like football or capoeira again? Maybe a cycling group. The gym is very individual and with group activities you will meet, and interest with, others. It could be something different than sports of course.
    And please stop stressing over your schoolwork so much, you are getting great grades and need to relax more in stead of only studying. At least take the saterdays off and do something fun.
    Being healthy and getting some muscles is something you do for yourself not for anyone else. And in consequence your confidence will go up and it shows. Focussing to much on it, like every extreme, is not so good. Try some balance, you are managing great with your weight and anorexia you can do this to.
    Hope next week will be better for you.

  6. #296
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    Man I totally feel u bec I have the same problem , since I came to canada I have no "friends" bec like I said I'm shy and kinda picky (there r only some people that appeal me :/ ) so ya I haven't really approached anyone , I have been friendly with one girl though and that gym dude bt no actual friends :/
    I have a question though , do u like to be alone like r u u ur best friend somehow like u like to talk to urself and stuff .... bec I'm like that , I do enjoy peoples company a lot bt if I'm alone that's okay too somehow although sometimes I feel lonely :/ bt ya....... so ya dude Im nt really ganna be of much help bt ill tell u wat I try to always tell myself....... u really gotta get out there and forget about ur shyness and forget about wT people think of u just live for u and dnt care wat people think it might take some time bt it will eventually happen ....
    okay so I gt a great idea . ... hw about we both make a deal together .... we both have to talk to at least one person and get close to them wat do u say ?

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  7. #297
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    Sorry to hear you are feeling bad and really wishing I could help. But you know what? All this shit you are feeling is normal. It would be weird if you didn't feel like this sometimes, or even a lot of the time. I know that sounds harsh, but it's all part of life. And it's okay. Plus, you are in a seriously stressful time of your life. You have to decide your future, you have to do well in school. Me, I'm an old fart. I'm not going anywhere. You are going everywhere, and that is hard - really, really hard. One reason it is so hard is because you are intelligent and caring - you care about stuff. If you were stupid and didn't really care who your friends were and if you build a good career, life might be less stressful, but it wouldn't be as worth it either.
    My Primal Journal: http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread53052.html

    I learned this, at least, by my experiment: that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours. - Henry David Thoreau, Walden

  8. #298
    Adrian's Avatar
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    I see something in all of your responses: the need of balancing my life. I know it has been unstabilised for a long time and now I need some deep breath. I need to make my social life alive again. It won't be easy but... I will try. I'm really thankful for all of your responses and I appericate time you have spent on writing those warm words to encourage me : ) I will do my best and try to overcome my problems! But my starting position is pretty bad. Almost no close friends to go out. Nothing really... I don't know what to do. People have their opinion about me - I'm a weirdo in their eyes. Focused on school and nothing else. Omg..

    Anyway as always I'll post my meals:

    breakfast:

    WP_20131028_001.jpg

    cc with banana, berries and honey

    snack:

    WP_20131028_003.jpg
    WP_20131028_004.jpg
    WP_20131028_006.jpg

    dates + almonds, few squares of 90% dark chocolate, self made green tea/pineapple jello : )

    dinner:

    WP_20131028_009.jpg

    turkey hearts with wild mushrooms, onions, chilli and rice noodles

    I can't load more pictures. TBC in next post.
    Hardgainer trying to gain - my primal journal : http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread91644.html

  9. #299
    Adrian's Avatar
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    supper:

    WP_20131028_010.jpg

    cc with 1/2 pineapple, berries and some honey

    workout: kettlebells


    Good night everyone! Thank you for reading and your responses!
    Hardgainer trying to gain - my primal journal : http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum/thread91644.html

  10. #300
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    Proud of you :3 you'll be fine you don't have to primarily socialiise with the people in school. If they can't see how awesome you are, well, their loss. But I bet they dont think that of you anyway- just try to strike up a convo.

    And as always there's always people on MDA for you starting is hard but it'll be worth it.

    The green tea looks amazing :3 and im always mirrin the cc

    Have a nice night Adrian <3

    Sent from my HTC One mini using Tapatalk

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