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Thread: Yes, I'm really asking for relationship advice on MDA... page 5

  1. #41
    noodletoy's Avatar
    noodletoy is offline Senior Member
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    my experience on-line has been when peeps ask relationship advice, they already know the answer and are just looking for affirmation.

    the backgrounds and grades are not the defining issues here. plenty of people have pulled themselves up from less-than-privileged stations in life. but the other behaviors you mention smack of control-freak and abuser-in-the-making. he's already manipulating you emotionally and not once in your post do you say you love him back.

    you have your whole life ahead of you.

    i wish i had listened to my mom when she warned me about my very similar situation at your same age. he wound up pulling a gun on me.
    As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.

    Ernest Hemingway

  2. #42
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    Your BF sounds like a ongoing pity party. It sounds like he doesn't take any pride in himself or his accomplishments, and it sounds like you don't either. If he thinks you are superior to him (or if you think you are), then lose him.

    Feeling sorry for someone is not relationship worthy.

    Even if you decide to "dump" him, it's going to take months for him to go away, especially if you consistently buy into his sob stories.

    Sorry to be harsh, but you asked, and I am speaking from experience (husband #1, there's 10 years I'll never get back).

  3. #43
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    magicmerl is online now Senior Member
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    Do you see yourself growing old with him?

    Do you think your relationship has a long term future?
    Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

    Griff's cholesterol primer
    5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
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    bloodorchid is always right

  4. #44
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    kenn is offline Senior Member
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    Dump him, he needs it as much as you
    Starting Date: Dec 18, 2010
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  5. #45
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    I don't even have my wife's e-mail or facebook passcodes...... and she ain't getting mine either. Just saying, even when your married your entitled to your own bit of space and privacy.

    I have no opinion on the rest of it. Some girls may like that other stuff in their boyfriends. I don't know. I've seen all sorts of odd couples that do quite well together. Hell some women get off on men that don't let them leave the house too I hear though.
    Last edited by Neckhammer; 07-29-2013 at 05:18 PM.

  6. #46
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    I have a good friend who married her boyfriend who is exactly like yours. They are still married and have 2 kids. But my friend has grown quite weary of being the sole provider of her husbands happiness and has finally insisted he get therapy and meds.

    Also, he is even more controlling now then before. When we travel together, he checks her credit card and bank accounts a few times every day and calls to find out what each purchase was. He also puts a very tight and insanely low spending limit on her for the travel even though she makes significantly more money than him. He fights her on every single independent and fun thing she has in her life. It is a constant battle for her to have a life.

    It's been a difficult marriage and I think if she could go back and change her decision, she would.
    Using low lectin/nightshade free primal to control autoimmune arthritis. (And lost 50 lbs along the way )

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  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by Neckhammer View Post
    I don't even have my wife's e-mail or facebook passcodes...... and she ain't getting mine either. Just saying, even when your married your entitled to your own bit of space and privacy.
    Yep. I don't want to know what my bf does on his computer. Doesn't seem he wants to know what I do on mine, either. Both are left out in the open, lots of tabs and email programs open. I never look, even if I need to use his computer to print something, and he gives me the same privacy.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
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  8. #48
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    We have multiple e-mail addresses, and multiple laptops. One is nominally mine and one is nominally hers, but we both have all of the passwords to everything and kinda don't care which one we use (except that our browsers have a bunch of different tabs opened up).

    YMMV.
    Disclaimer: I eat 'meat and vegetables' ala Primal, although I don't agree with the carb curve. I like Perfect Health Diet and WAPF Lactofermentation a lot.

    Griff's cholesterol primer
    5,000 Cal Fat <> 5,000 Cal Carbs
    Winterbike: What I eat every day is what other people eat to treat themselves.
    TQP: I find for me that nutrition is much more important than what I do in the gym.
    bloodorchid is always right

  9. #49
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    I was waiting for you to say you love him............ but that never was said. You already know what you want to do - you're just too nice to do it. When it comes to making a choice about a life mate --- you're feelings are the only ones that count. If you're not feeling it, then don't go there.

    I say call it off and let him find himself, find some maturity - or find someone else.

    And I will agree -- RED FLAGS are flyin' when he is asking for your FB password. He has NO business with that kind of access. If I were your mom (and I'm old enough to be!) - I'd be telling you to break it off also. Listen to your parents - they are wiser than you think - and they have your best interest at heart.
    Read post #2626
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    I'm doing this because I'm worth it - because I'm worthy - because I love myself.

    Goals: Healthy mind, healthy body, happy soul.

  10. #50
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    Relationship-wise, yours is a case of interpersonal carcinoma. You know what must be done...

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