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Thread: Jac's back - the next 10 years page 17

  1. #161
    Pebbles67's Avatar
    Pebbles67 is offline Senior Member
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    Wow, eating as a way of "checking out" very profound and true for me. I'll have to do some thinking on this one.
    I am am in the middle trying to get off sugar again after a week of binging set off by allowing certain things at Thanksgiving.
    When will I learn?

  2. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    I am am in the middle trying to get off sugar again after a week of binging set off by allowing certain things at Thanksgiving.
    When will I learn?
    Haha, I could so have written that! Well, not the Thanksgiving part, but any time I have any sugar for any reason it's inevitably going to be painful and need lots of focus to get off it again.

    It's been a pretty good weekend.

    Hunger: appropriate. I've dialled back the protein a bit because I don't really want to go from always hungry on sugar to always feeling mildly ill on heaps of protein. I like feeling hungry - it's one of the joys of life that I'm trying to connect to
    Energy: improving. I did some garden/pool maintenance stuff, went shopping, put the Xmas tree up - and laughed while I did it.
    Cravings: Absolutely. None.
    Movement: as above. No formal walking or exercises but I kept moving
    Play: Hmmm. I didn't even try. I got some enjoyment out of life, but could have put some play in there
    Food: Ate 3 meals a day, focusing on protein. At present I'm quite low carb - nothing starchy and minimal fruit. That will change any day now, I'm sure, and I'll go with it. No sugar at all from Friday evening, but had some very nice icecream on Friday afternoon.
    Protein intake: probably around 80 - 100g, including dairy. Lots of eggs
    Sleep: I'm dreaming a lot - that could correlate to more serotonin from the protein. Feeling rested though.
    Bloat: quite significantly bloated after eating but it goes down after a couple of hours
    Pain: some niggles - I used neurophen last night
    Other:I was very checked out on Friday - irritable when I was interrupted. I was on my own Friday night until mid-morning Saturday. Honestly I could have done with another day of quiet. I stayed sad and grumpy til Sunday morning, then seemed to pick up mood-wise. No checking out at all last night, and feeling OK so far today. I'm still trying to recognise my triggers, which is bloody hard from the inside
    Last edited by Jac; 12-08-2013 at 01:11 PM.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

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  3. #163
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    I'm still trying to recognise my triggers, which is bloody hard from the inside
    nothing is ever simple is it! what really f's me off is the triggers are so text book. exhubby comes to get the kids. makes a comment about my ass being big so i go eat loads of sugar. i am not stupid. who is continuing to win in this situation?!!

    you have edited since i read the above. i was going to suggest lean protein in large qtys to counteract the sugar binge. i have been finding it helps if i fall down the hole. good example saturday. had to go to lunch with the exhuband. thankfully i managed to leave one of the kids at her best friends so she didnt have to deal with it. hugely hugely stressful. i couldnt even enjoy lunch. on the way home me and the remaining child stopped in the supermarket. they were doing free samples of bundaberg. got conned into trying some. literally prob a shot glass of pure sugar. it was sickly. not even pleasantly sweet like chocolate. fell down the hole. a combo of too much stress, too many traumatic memories and pure sugar. next day. got up had a huge omlette and stacks of venison. and clawed my way back out of the hole. i am sure if i hadnt of added the venison, it would have spiralled out again. not prepared to retest the theory so i am going with it for now! i am currently still winning today. upside is if i fall down the sugar hole momentarily then protein myself out, i have large amounts of energy the following day.

  4. #164
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    You're exactly right, seaweed - protein really helps to get over the sugar. I did it deliberately this time, and the cravings just vanished. Stress is my #1 trigger, it is now totally obvious. I read a paper yesterday that highlighted that a body under stress does not digest food. That's really helpful to know, and I should have it stapled to my forehead . Summary for now - prioritise protein over all other foods, don't eat when stressed, and avoid gluten like the plague.

    Hunger: hungry in the morning, and again later in the evening
    Energy: really good. I got heaps of work done, but should have moved more
    Cravings: Absolutely. None.
    Movement: minimal. This has to change
    Play: watched QI last night and laughed like a lunatic. Got lots of fun out of playing with the dogs
    Food: I had a 3 egg omlet for breakfast, and added salad and dressing to it - was totally stuffed to the point of not even wanting fluids until about 7pm. 4 chicken drumsticks for dinner
    Protein intake: probably around 100g
    Sleep: disturbed again. Dreams.
    Bloat: I'm going to the dr again on Thursday for a progress check up, so will ask him about the bloating after I eat. It's major.
    Pain: minimal - what there was was related to overeating at breakfast time. I still seem to have a really sensitive gut when it comes to overextending via overeating (and it wasn't all that much, really) or gas. They HURT.
    Other: I'm down to 92kg. The lowest I've been this year is 88.3, after ketosis in Feb (the highest was about 99kg in late winter). I felt great then, but my mood tanked. Watch this space . If it drops again I'll be hitting the kumara. But if the healing protocol of the last few months has worked, it'll be a whole new ballgame. Right now I'm feeling happy

    Edited to add that there was very minimal checking out last night, and I was able to recognise it and put the computer away. It was tempting, though, because I got confirmation of a successful grant application yesterday - which is wonderful and very scary at the same time. I have no idea how I'll cope with my workload next year, so I need to take some time to plan it before I go back. I need to be more chillaxed than this, though, before my problem solving skills kick in, lol.
    Last edited by Jac; 12-09-2013 at 02:39 PM.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  5. #165
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    Yesterday . . .

    Hunger: Not very hungry, but decided to eat anyway. It kind of backfired on me
    Energy: pretty steady across the whole day
    Cravings: None - the icecream came from a different place
    Movement: minimal. This still has to change
    Play: I went and visited our new greyhound at the kennels yesterday. She's been vet checked and assessed for small dog and cat safety and came through with flying colours. She's off to get the snip today, and we should be able to pick her up later this week
    . She's a bit shy but not pathological about it, and looks like she could be quite cheeky. I also brought home a couple of old stuffed toys from the op shop for the other dogs, and they've made me laugh with their happiness. Weird that dogs who have never had a toy in their lives just love carrying around teddies!
    Food: 3 chicken drumsticks and coffee @ 10am, a pottle of mussels @ 3.30, 2 scoops of icecream @ 5pm, sushi and diet lemonade @ 7pm
    Protein intake: probably high enough
    Sleep: I tried chelated magnesium and slept like I was drugged. I'll try it again in a couple of nights and see if that's what it was. The prep I have from the dr has lots of other things in it apart from mag
    Bloat: still there. Sigh.
    Pain: I didn't overeat, but my belly hurts. It started last evening - not enough to take meds, and it didn't disturb my sleep, but it's not comfortable at all. Just like tiny needles randomly shoved into me. I wonder if it's the mussels. Normally I would suspect the rice, but when I was on the very restrictive diet I had some fresh mussels that definitely caused some problems. These were brined. Dunno. Or it's just a continuation from yesterday's overeating. Or it's the rice. Or the icecream. But I've had all those foods without issues recently, except for the mussels.
    Other: time to think about the icecream. Now that I'm actually thinking about it, it was a checking out thing. I'd gotten stressed - the whole day was kind of weird, with underlying stuff I didn't acknowledge, then I spent too long at the kennels, was late picking T up from work etc etc etc. No drama, just constant niggles. By the time I got to the shopping centre I already knew I was going to get icecream. It was a self-soothing thing. And last night I justified it as an 'I'm going to enjoy my trip out' thing. It wasn't. It gave me about 10 minutes of total self soothing, of switching off my brain. Afterwards I felt more settled. I could have done something else instead - but I'm not sure what.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  6. #166
    seaweed's Avatar
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    Hunger: Not very hungry, but decided to eat anyway. It kind of backfired on me
    LOL i always eat even if i am not hungry. i worked out a long long time ago, if you starve your metabolism slows. plus i then find i get randomly hungry when i am not supposed to be and over eat big time.

    awesome you are getting your new dog! on the subject of cat safety my dog actually went my cat last night. he did scare himself a bit doing it but he still had a good growl and a bark. incredibly brave of him as she is nasty. he was trying to steal her food and he had already had her rabbit she'd stashed while she was napping. i will need to keep an eye on him as i reckon he is quite aggro for a V. he also got the food off her by sneaking back when i was in between her and him brushing my teeth.

    It gave me about 10 minutes of total self soothing, of switching off my brain. Afterwards I felt more settled. I could have done something else instead - but I'm not sure what.
    this i have worked out is the crux of the issue. the million dollar question is the something else. needing to find and do it before it is too late and the sugar chasm has opened. that bit is what my new years resolution is to find. i also think the food thing is part of the paralysis of being trapped. everything i can replace it with needs me going out.

  7. #167
    Jac's Avatar
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    About the dogs - we get ones that have a low prey drive, but that doesn't change the nature of dogs and cats! I know that choosing to have dogs, especially ones that can run faster than cats, is a risk. If anything happens to the cats, I just have to live with it - it won't be the dogs' fault. I'll be introducing the new one very carefully, including muzzle and squirt bottle until I'm sure of her. Any cats that are stupid enough to come onto our property are probably history - they're not part of our pack.

    Quote Originally Posted by seaweed View Post
    this i have worked out is the crux of the issue. the million dollar question is the something else. needing to find and do it before it is too late and the sugar chasm has opened. that bit is what my new years resolution is to find. i also think the food thing is part of the paralysis of being trapped. everything i can replace it with needs me going out.
    Another part of the trap is that the soothing feeling started while I was planning the icecream - so unless the 'something else' is proven to work, it probably won't.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  8. #168
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    my eating is almost part of the being trapped feeling. so if i can get out and say, check out by going to the beach, i am fine. till i get home and get trapped again anyways. have you noticed btw we both have not only matching cats but those leggy athletic dogs? i dont really have mine to hunt with at all. plus where we go, i can do quite fine without him as it is more open hilly country. but that feeling of walking down a deserted beach or thru a patch of wilderness with this unreal graceful dog running in front of you. i can just watch and follow him for hours. when he hunts he is even more greaceful. and then occasionally he will just look like a gangly oversized ginger spider or he will do silly things like walk into me when we have 5 ks of beach to move on. today the ocean was making this weird noise almost like there was a noisy fishing boat way out. so i was looking out to sea not where i am going and who did i walk right into and nearly trip over LOL

  9. #169
    Jac's Avatar
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    What do you mean about the eating being part of the trapped feeling? Like you eat because you feel trapped? I can understand that. It's also funny about the animals - and I totally get the feeling about the elegance of the dogs. We go out regularly just to get them to run. It's gorgeous.

    Hunger:
    not very hungry, and had those belly pains, so it seemed right to not eat

    Cravings: none
    Food: coffee with cream x 2, dinner = 3 sausages and a tomato
    Energy: great
    Movement: short walk, pole assisted squats x 11 and 13, ring pullups x 11 & 11, knee pushups x 5 but ended up with the dogs trying to get under me so gave up in a fit of giggles
    Play: picked raspberries, listened to music, played with the dogs

    Sleep: OK - a bit restless

    Bloat: ​minimal with the fasting
    Pain: settled during the day, but my feet are sore. I wonder if it's an autoimmune thing?? I thought it came on with eggs, but my big egg overdose was on Monday and now it's Thursday - that's a long time
    Other: going to the doc today so will see what that brings. Weight is 91.6, which is pretty good. Molly came through her op OK, so it won't be long now
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  10. #170
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    What do you mean about the eating being part of the trapped feeling? Like you eat because you feel trapped? I can understand that
    yes exactly that. i dont know why yet. that is the bit i am trying to fathom. like i can eat myself into a coma and not notice what is really going on but none of it makes sense to my logical mind at all. prob some shadow behaviourof what i really should be doing. eating less so i can run faster!!! except the situations which make me eat, i can never run from.

    pole assisted squats still sounds like you should have huge heels on and little tiny shorts. and LOL at the dogs. mine tries to stand on top of me but then wont keep still so i cant even use him as added resistance. he is incredibly deceptively heavy so he more squashes me at the best of times.

    the cat btw threw a huge sulk after the dog tried to go her and he stole her rabbit. i went to brush my teeth on the way to bed last night and there was a mouse, 2 small headless rabbits and a gold finch stashed in various corners of the bathroom. it looked like the ripper had paid me a visit. the cat was still white and immaculately clean with not a piece of fluff out of place in amongst the carnage. she was up and guarding the rabbits the moment i appeared tho. just in case you know who was skulking around behind me lol

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