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Thread: Jac's back - the next 10 years page 11

  1. #101
    Suse's Avatar
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    You're doing well Jac. Keep it up. So are you avoiding sugar at the mo? I'm a bit confused. Probably not reading it all properly.

  2. #102
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    Quote Originally Posted by Suse View Post
    You're doing well Jac. Keep it up. So are you avoiding sugar at the mo? I'm a bit confused. Probably not reading it all properly.
    Thanks Suse - yes completely free of sugar. It hasn't been too bad, but once I'm off the diet . . . well, that's the next challenge!

    Avert your eyes, I'm about to have a meltdown.

    I'm exhausted from 2 days of travel, meetings, stress and demands. From work, kids, home, and a charity I'm a part of. I'm so fucking over the whole fucking lot of them!! I want to be at home, preferably still in bed. But the house is full of builders dust and crap - and it's our own mess. The dining room and hall are the last 2 rooms to finish, so all the dining furniture (which includes a lounge suite, computer desk, TV stuff and china cabinet) is all over the house. So being at home isn't restful. It's a long weekend coming up, and it's not looking like we'll have time to get it finished. And the garden is overgrown. And the kids keep needing money - for health reasons, mostly, so it's not like we can refuse. And the charity is very badly organised at the top with a dictatorship in operation and the other members being fucking cowards about speaking up. I talked at great length to two people yesterday, one of whom has completely backed down from any commitment she had, and one who was 1) patronising in the extreme (and I'm not taking that crap from a young man who thinks he knows better than me) and 2) almost incoherent. And he wants the director's job!!! If he really deserves it, he'd better start showing some fucking leadership right fucking now. And work is relentless. And I've walked in this morning to discover that someone (I know who) has used my office while I was away - she's used permanent marker on the whiteboard, made a huge mess when it didn't come off, and left the filthy duster thing on my desk.

    And, of course, all this has my adrenals in overdrive. Someone walks in the door or drops something and my body goes into full flight or fight mode with jolts of electricity down all my limbs, elevated heart rate, fast breathing etc. It feels awful. And because it keeps happening, I'm craving carbs. And I've only lost 100g in the last 2 days, which just puts the fucking cherry on the fucking cake. Which I can't eat.

    I tried meditating last night, and it helped me get to sleep - but I woke up multiple times with a full stress response. Now I'm at my desk. I'm hoping that having the rant will help me to let some of this go. Now I'm going to go and get some cleaning stuff to try and sort out the whiteboard - which is right in front of me so I'm seeing it every moment. One step at a time I guess.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  3. #103
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    I went back to the doctor again to get checked out. These feelings could be 'just stress', but I'm not recovering from stress like I should be. Anyway, it turns out that I still have the 'primitive' reflex that causes a huge adrenaline dump into the body under the slightest provocation. I could have told him that ages ago, but I thought it was normal, lol. Turns out it's not. When that happens my adrenals are supposed to deal with the rush but they're just about flatlining so they can't. So I end up spinning out. Hmmmm. Nice to know!!

    He changed my adrenal supplement, gave me magnesium with heaps of added B vitamins, and did this weird 'stretching' of my vagus nerve. It's that nerve that causes the initial adrenaline dump, so he stretched each side of my neck, ribs and belly while I did deep breathing and coughing. It frees it up from surrounding tissue and relaxes the fibres. I've felt pretty good since then - I've got my laugh back .

    The hunger and lack of weight loss is a direct consequence of this, so fingers crossed that I get a great sleep and let some more fat cells self-destruct!!
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  4. #104
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    Ah Jac, I can feel your stress over cyberspace. So glad you have found your laugh again, that's got to be the best medicine. Wishing you are long and peaceful sleep.

  5. #105
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    Jac darling girl - so glad you have your laugh back.
    Re weight etc....... I am experimenting with a wee something at the moment - if it works I will let you know
    G x
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  6. #106
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    And, of course, all this has my adrenals in overdrive. Someone walks in the door or drops something and my body goes into full flight or fight mode with jolts of electricity down all my limbs, elevated heart rate, fast breathing etc. It feels awful.
    this is what VLC does to me. i didnt know we could have some primitive reflex. i always reckoned it was a survival advantage as you would have needed to be wired to keep alive and hunt way back. i am pleased you are feeling better. sleep well!

  7. #107
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annieh View Post
    Ah Jac, I can feel your stress over cyberspace. So glad you have found your laugh again, that's got to be the best medicine. Wishing you are long and peaceful sleep.
    Aww, thanks Annie. I did sleep well - I was weirdly aware of doing really deep breathing without trying. Very relaxing!

    Quote Originally Posted by NZ primal Gwamma View Post
    Jac darling girl - so glad you have your laugh back.
    Re weight etc....... I am experimenting with a wee something at the moment - if it works I will let you know
    G x
    Tease!! Hope it works Gwamma . . . I can't wait to hear about it! Another 300g loss this morning, so I'm back on track.

    Quote Originally Posted by seaweed View Post
    this is what VLC does to me. i didnt know we could have some primitive reflex. i always reckoned it was a survival advantage as you would have needed to be wired to keep alive and hunt way back. i am pleased you are feeling better. sleep well!
    I was surprised, too - I thought what I was experiencing was what everyone did. It's a reflex we have at birth, along with the moro and suck, and it's designed so if we're under threat we go quiet and still instead of flailing about and making noise. But it's supposed to vanish as we come out of babyhood and mine didn't. It explains why I do the 'checking out' thing where I pretty much dissociate if I can't handle things - I've spent huge parts of my life being checked out. It's way more extreme than fight or flight.

    I generally tank if I do VLC, but this doctor reckons if I have everything functional then I won't.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

  8. #108
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    It explains why I do the 'checking out' thing where I pretty much dissociate if I can't handle things - I've spent huge parts of my life being checked out.
    this is kinda the story of my life. i have never heard it before but yeah. i wonder! it is also why i am not squeamish as i just dissociate.

    I generally tank if I do VLC, but this doctor reckons if I have everything functional then I won't.
    i am supposed to have everything functioning. metabolically i am about 7 years younger than i am according to those test things. i still tank so i dont know either.

  9. #109
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    Yay for a 300 gm loss Jac. Keep at it girl
    G x
    "never let the truth get in the way of a good story "

    ...small steps....

  10. #110
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    Quote Originally Posted by seaweed View Post
    this is kinda the story of my life. i have never heard it before but yeah. i wonder! it is also why i am not squeamish as i just dissociate.

    i am supposed to have everything functioning. metabolically i am about 7 years younger than i am according to those test things. i still tank so i dont know either.
    I'd never thought about the squeamishness thing - I'm like that too. Also with supposedly 'good' adrenaline things - I went on all the Disney rides with the kids and can barely remember them. I never made a sound or said a thing apparently, even when they were all screaming their heads off. My main memory of it is a constant state of nausea.

    My metabolic age a couple of weeks ago when I did the weigh in thing was 65. Gutted!! But not surprised. Once the diet part is over, I'll be focusing on building muscle. I'm not really VLC - I'm very low calorie, but have 2 pieces of fruit and 2 rice crackers every day - that's a pretty high carb ratio.
    Started Feb 18 2011

    Journalling here

    "There's a difference between knowing the path, and walking the path" - Morpheus

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