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Thread: What to do or say re: undernourished vegan baby? page 4

  1. #31
    rcav8r's Avatar
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    I normally advocate MYOB, but if the OP's friend can't persuade the mom to get that baby to a doc very soon, then it's CPS time.

    From the OP's post, it sounds like the mom is a strict vegan herself, and might be into the "natural healing" thing if the baby has not been to a doc.

    Since the friend is the mother in law, where is the son in this? Does he have the same stance? doesn't he know better?

  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by lea View Post
    Which is why I would take the child to a DOCTOR asap. The doctor is more likely to be helpful immediately than CPS, and if they suspect abuse will indeed call CPS. And if you call CPS and they are actually helpful, they will send the child to a doctor.

    Cut out the middleman and rush the child into the doctors office immediately.
    Agreed. Some posters seem unconcerned with the grandmother's relationship with the parents. If she simply calls CPS right away, without trying to communicate directly with the parents first, that could be very damaged. CPS might not take the child away from the parents, and the parents might decide not to give the grandmother further access to the child, thus shes loses the ability to continue monitoring or intercede in the future.

    If the Dr is the one who calls CPS, the relationship could be better preserved. I'm not saying that the grandmother should totally not call CPS, obviously she must if the parents refuse to go to a Dr or if the Dr doesn't take action. Just that she try a gentler, more politic approach first.

    Just my 2cents.

    ETA: I guess that she could call anonymously, but I have no idea how seriously that would be taken. I would assume that a person making a direct complaint would carry more weight.
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  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by RichMahogany View Post
    If you say so.
    Apparently, you only read the first line of my post.

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  4. #34
    lea's Avatar
    lea
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    I'm not saying that the grandmother should totally not call CPS, obviously she must if the parents refuse to go to a Dr or if the Dr doesn't take action.
    Absolutely. Just try that first, even if you have to go to town and physically drive the family to the doc's office.

  5. #35
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    Ok first off, let me play devil's advocate for a minute. Have you actually ever seen the baby? Seen any pictures? There is always the potential that your friend is exaggerating or straight-up lying, either about the entire situation, or the severity. I'm not saying this is what is happening, but it is something to consider.

    Assuming your friend is telling the truth and the situation is as bad as she says, what is she willing to do? Would she get there tomorrow by any means necessary and take the baby to a doctor, parents be damned? A lot of people are not willing to be that confrontational, particularly if they fear the repercussions, namely being shut out of child's/grandchild's lives. For the same reason, she may hesitate to call the authorities.

    If you know for a fact that your friend is not willing to intervene in such a manner, I think you need to be the one to gather what information or evidence you can and call CPS. It sounds as though there are a few issues at work here: the insistence on a vegan diet, the unwillingness to see a doctor, and the projected body dysmorphia. Assuming the child survives her baby/toddler years, the mother sounds like she has the potential to be emotionally and/or physically abusive regarding food.

  6. #36
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    Another devil's advocate and a parent of a former failure to thrive child. How big are the parents? Is it genetically reasonable for the infant to be small for her age? My DD was about 15-16 lbs at one year, not vegan. After many tests and weigh-ins, her doctor(who advocated buttering all her food and giving her pediasure) finally concluded she was small like me. My MIL was certain I wasn't feeding her properly. DD is still very small but healthy at age 10. I do see it as a concern that the child has never seen a doctor.

  7. #37
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    I'm surprised that so many people reacted with "call CPS, now." I mean, really? Why would you take such a drastic measure before first attempting to talk to the parents? I second zoebird's advice. She should send the chart to her son and then have a conversation with him asap. Don't just call CPS without even talking to the parents. The dad may listen to reason. It's strange that she hasn't talked to him already.

    Seriously, if I had a kid and my mom called CPS on me without first talking to me about her concerns, even if she had legitimate concerns, I would NEVER, EVER speak to her again.

  8. #38
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    I agree with the above posters. Calling CPS ASAP seems a little premature. You should look at the baby yourself and see the evidence if you haven't yet, and talk to the parents subtly first to see a doctor before calling CPS. It could simply be that the child is small. I appreciate the seriousness of the situation but calmness is called for here. Without much evidence, you could just be ruining your case against the child or worse, condemning some poor parents with a naturally small child. I was a tiny tiny baby who grew up into a stick thin child myself. I'm only glad people didn't call my parents out on it.
    F 28/5'4/100 lbs

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  9. #39
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    condemning some poor parents with a naturally small child
    This is true. My aunt has been fretting about her granddaughter being on the small side for 3 years and she is perfectly healthy. Some kids are just smaller.

    I still find the not going to the doctor thing concerning as well as the bit about not wanting to make the baby fat. I would observe for myself before I did anything serious.

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by lea View Post
    This is true. My aunt has been fretting about her granddaughter being on the small side for 3 years and she is perfectly healthy. Some kids are just smaller.

    I still find the not going to the doctor thing concerning as well as the bit about not wanting to make the baby fat. I would observe for myself before I did anything serious.
    doesn't sound like the op has anything to do with the actual baby, but the grandmother needs to stop lollygagging and take action. babies cannot thrive on vegan diets. go for a visit, say she's taking the baby to the park, but take her to a doctor instead.

    i don't think cps should be the first call either. once they get their hooks in the family it may be a bigger nightmare.
    As I ate the oysters with their strong taste of the sea and their faint metallic taste that the cold white wine washed away, leaving only the sea taste and the succulent texture, and as I drank their cold liquid from each shell and washed it down with the crisp taste of the wine, I lost the empty feeling and began to be happy and to make plans.

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