Some excellent advice...I have no problem dating someone who loves spaghetti, pizza, and beer, but the fact is that to most people, someone (especially a woman) who eats copious amounts of red meat and butter, but won't touch pasta, sugary coffees, etc., is seen as a little weird. Partly it's just my projecting my fear of being seen as strange (which obviously I am and probably shouldn't be ashamed of) and partly it's the result of having met a few people who thought my way of eating was a sign of some kind of eating disorder or just my being fussy and high-maintenance. Especially at the beginning of a relationship, people tend to bond over food, so if you're constantly going "sorry, I can't eat that!", you can end up alienating people who have no dietary restrictions, even if you try to plan non food-centric activities.
Joining some kind of specific athletics class is a good idea. I tend to do my own thing at the gym. Crossfit would be a great idea, but unfortunately I've had a bunch of hip surgeries so I need a somewhat modified and limited exercise routine. CF might be a little too intense! Same with martial arts, unfortunately. I'm sure I could think of something if I look at what's being offered around town, though. Thinking about this made me realize just how rarely I come into contact with single guys "in the wild", as it were. My main hobby is horseback riding, so I spend lots of my free time at the stable, but I know of very few men that ride. My workplace has a small and mostly female staff, as does the organization where I volunteer, my graduate program in counseling is nearly all women (I was dating the token male in our program until he left and moved across the country, haha), the writer's group I go to is all women/partnered guys, and most of my female friends are married/in LTRs and don't have lots of single male friends floating around. I guess I need to expand my social circle. It's funny that I never really thought about all the things I'm NOT doing to facilitate meeting someone compatible with me.
To the poster who was talking about needing to date libertarians, I totally hear you. The area where I live is very hippie-liberal, socialist, Obama supporting (oddly enough, two of the people I've gone on first dates with recently actually worked on the Obama campaign! A second date was not scheduled). Although I'm not extremely political, I identify/vote as libertarian and tend to find uber-liberal types as or more irritating than their ultra-conservative counterparts.
Last edited by november; 06-28-2013 at 04:25 PM.
"Partly it's just my projecting my fear of being seen as strange (which obviously I am and probably shouldn't be ashamed of)"
I realized that I was crazy a long time ago. Ever since then it's been all downhill
I have the opposite problem. Engineering grad program and mostly male dominated hobbies. Guys get intimidated when you are more of a "man" than they are, but I found one with similar hobbies who doesn't care when I go hang out with other guys all day. Anything other than a zero tolerance policy on jealousy/trust issues would be disastrous for me.
Wear vibrams and t shirt of your choice: libertarian, commie, primal or anarchist. Embrace your strangeness!
Life is death. We all take turns. It's sacred to eat during our turn and be eaten when our turn is over. RichMahogany.
here's the thing. it's a litmus test.
if they freak out over food, best to walk away.
seems pretty straight forward, right?
also, i have bonded with smeone over values while having meals, it wasn't the food itself that was important.
Also, yes -- work on your own self esteem.
Food is about the most basic thing there can be. Most people have never put any thought into what they eat, because they are not capable of questioning their diets. The idea is too threatening to them.
Embrace the crazy- it makes it easier to find someone with compatible crazy
For the food thing, if asked, I usually say "As long as they have meat and salads, I'm fine." I figure, if there are questionable ingredients in the dressing or something, it's my 20%. Of course, if they absolutely insist on, say, a pizza only place, or The Olive Garden- I probably don't want to be dating him anyway
And, if they object to me eating meat- again, it probably won't work out anyway.