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  1. #41
    RichMahogany's Avatar
    RichMahogany is offline Senior Member
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    I haven't had a problem. On a first dinner date, go to a restaurant that has steak. Order the steak and don't eat any bread. Explain why if asked in very simple, non-judgmental sounding terms. If things work out, it will come up more and more and the person may decide to give it a shot or may not. But it hasn't been a source of conflict for me whatsoever.

  2. #42
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    TheyCallMeLazarus is offline Senior Member
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    I will try to put this short and sweet, but keep in mind who you are dealing with

    A great quote: "Never be ashamed or try to conceal what you want." Once a guy understands that he is talking to someone who means what she says, you are 90% the way there....go to places where "your kind" congregate, and be aggressive. I don't mean act like a slut. I mean act like you know what you want and you are going to make it happen.

    I've found most men and women nowadays are TERRIFIED for the other person to know they are interested. I think that is the dumbest, most weak-sauce garbage I've ever seen....I love a woman that will come up to me and say "Hi. My name is ____. How are you today?"

    Done.There is no game for those that don't wish to be players. Be direct. It works better and saves you time.

  3. #43
    Ollie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheyCallMeLazarus View Post
    I will try to put this short and sweet, but keep in mind who you are dealing with

    A great quote: "Never be ashamed or try to conceal what you want." Once a guy understands that he is talking to someone who means what she says, you are 90% the way there....go to places where "your kind" congregate, and be aggressive. I don't mean act like a slut. I mean act like you know what you want and you are going to make it happen.

    I've found most men and women nowadays are TERRIFIED for the other person to know they are interested. I think that is the dumbest, most weak-sauce garbage I've ever seen....I love a woman that will come up to me and say "Hi. My name is ____. How are you today?"

    Done.There is no game for those that don't wish to be players. Be direct. It works better and saves you time.
    Well said. Direct is always better. No games. Everyone no's where they stand for better or worse

  4. #44
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheyCallMeLazarus View Post
    I will try to put this short and sweet, but keep in mind who you are dealing with

    A great quote: "Never be ashamed or try to conceal what you want." Once a guy understands that he is talking to someone who means what she says, you are 90% the way there....go to places where "your kind" congregate, and be aggressive. I don't mean act like a slut. I mean act like you know what you want and you are going to make it happen.

    I've found most men and women nowadays are TERRIFIED for the other person to know they are interested. I think that is the dumbest, most weak-sauce garbage I've ever seen....I love a woman that will come up to me and say "Hi. My name is ____. How are you today?"

    Done.There is no game for those that don't wish to be players. Be direct. It works better and saves you time.
    Not sure if this was for me, but if it was / wasn't I enjoyed reading it, and it reinforced some long forgotten mantra's I've had for myself.

    I hang out with like minded people a fair bit, but I'm oddly shy but then full of self pity being alone - go figure !?!?! I know it's only me that change change me, so I'm working on it, and hearing from a guy is helpful.

    Thanks Lazarus - if you said you had horses, I think I'd move in with you - the no telly, and primal diet, hunting for food, and general peace sound awesome!

    PG!

  5. #45
    eKatherine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RichMahogany View Post
    I haven't had a problem. On a first dinner date, go to a restaurant that has steak. Order the steak and don't eat any bread. Explain why if asked in very simple, non-judgmental sounding terms. If things work out, it will come up more and more and the person may decide to give it a shot or may not. But it hasn't been a source of conflict for me whatsoever.
    Most restaurants around here don't have steak. But if steak were on the menu, there would be hope. Given that I'm the dinner guest, I have limited input on the restaurant selection. Remember, you're the inviter and your guest is the invitee.

    At least around here when they say they serve butter, it's real butter, not that plastic crap. "Waiter, I'll just have a dish of 30 butter pats for dinner."
    Last edited by eKatherine; 06-28-2013 at 11:38 AM.

  6. #46
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    Hehe, now imagine that you're a libertarian dating regular people. You find out that the guy sitting across from you wants to kill innocent people overseas, wants to put you or your friends in prison and throw away the keys, wants to take away your guns, etc., etc. All the grass-fed steak and coconut oil in the world can't get me to refrain from throwing a glass a wine in his face, but I refrain anyway. And swear once again that I will only date libertarians.

  7. #47
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    Quote Originally Posted by diene View Post
    Hehe, now imagine that you're a libertarian dating regular people. You find out that the guy sitting across from you wants to kill innocent people overseas, wants to put you or your friends in prison and throw away the keys, wants to take away your guns, etc., etc. All the grass-fed steak and coconut oil in the world can't get me to refrain from throwing a glass a wine in his face, but I refrain anyway. And swear once again that I will only date libertarians.
    Ha, welcome to my world. I need a state with fewer hippies.

  8. #48
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheyCallMeLazarus View Post
    "Never be ashamed or try to conceal what you want." Once a guy understands that he is talking to someone who means what she says, you are 90% the way there....go to places where "your kind" congregate, and be aggressive. I don't mean act like a slut. I mean act like you know what you want and you are going to make it happen.

    I've found most men and women nowadays are TERRIFIED for the other person to know they are interested.

    Done.There is no game for those that don't wish to be players. Be direct. It works better and saves you time.
    Fair call Lazarus (and if you are ever in New Zealand... write me maybe)
    Right that's it, those fellas at the vege market/kayaking /gym better watch out.

  9. #49
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    I would say that you need to recognize that men are human beings.

    The problem that my husband is seeing is not just that people seem hung-up about showing interest, but beyond that, a lot of people create some weird-ass fantasy world and relate to that rather than relating to the actual, real person in front of you.

    Right now, there's a circle of gals (all around age 40) who are reading Deida and going on and on about "goddess work" and some bullshit about looking for their "Fisher King!" and whatever else. And DH is all like "yes, that's true, but it comes after. it comes from intimacy, once you can start working at the mythological."

    He says the problem that he often sees is that these women, in particular, are looking at the guy and going "Is he a fisher king?" and then change the narrative. Rather than taking in the *actual* information that the guy is giving and discerning whether or not there is enough commonality to move forward.

    Beyond this, another problem that he sees women run into (and some men) is just getting silly. That is, values that are important -- world view, perspectives, common goals and interests, etc -- are completely ignored while women fret over things like what kinds of shoes he wears or whether or not he eats bread (or doesn't eat bread) -- things that will change over time, more so than core values that guide a person's overall personal direction.

    Dh says that the biggest thing that he runs into -- in particular with these women -- is they want to be rescued. They want to not have to take care of themselves; they want a husband who will afford them a certain lifestyle. They foist this onto a person before they even know him, and often purposefully pick people whom they know can't provide, and then end up getting frustrated when these men don't provide (in the early days of dating no less -- when there is no agreement to provide).

    Anyway, the basic thing is that there's too much rushing and not enough *reality*.

    Just be open to people. Get to know them. Start that by starting conversations, then asking a person out. Focus on getting to know them more, before jumping into the sack or creating a narrative around who they are (in fact, don't create any narratives around who they are).

    Just be yourself, be honest, and be open.

  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I would say that you need to recognize that men are human beings.

    The problem that my husband is seeing is not just that people seem hung-up about showing interest, but beyond that, a lot of people create some weird-ass fantasy world and relate to that rather than relating to the actual, real person in front of you.

    Right now, there's a circle of gals (all around age 40) who are reading Deida and going on and on about "goddess work" and some bullshit about looking for their "Fisher King!" and whatever else. And DH is all like "yes, that's true, but it comes after. it comes from intimacy, once you can start working at the mythological."

    He says the problem that he often sees is that these women, in particular, are looking at the guy and going "Is he a fisher king?" and then change the narrative. Rather than taking in the *actual* information that the guy is giving and discerning whether or not there is enough commonality to move forward.

    Beyond this, another problem that he sees women run into (and some men) is just getting silly. That is, values that are important -- world view, perspectives, common goals and interests, etc -- are completely ignored while women fret over things like what kinds of shoes he wears or whether or not he eats bread (or doesn't eat bread) -- things that will change over time, more so than core values that guide a person's overall personal direction.

    Dh says that the biggest thing that he runs into -- in particular with these women -- is they want to be rescued. They want to not have to take care of themselves; they want a husband who will afford them a certain lifestyle. They foist this onto a person before they even know him, and often purposefully pick people whom they know can't provide, and then end up getting frustrated when these men don't provide (in the early days of dating no less -- when there is no agreement to provide).

    Anyway, the basic thing is that there's too much rushing and not enough *reality*.

    Just be open to people. Get to know them. Start that by starting conversations, then asking a person out. Focus on getting to know them more, before jumping into the sack or creating a narrative around who they are (in fact, don't create any narratives around who they are).

    Just be yourself, be honest, and be open.
    +1

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