I'm furious. How to stop being mad controlling and let go!
Some of you may no me here. I post often. If not, I've been Primal for about 8 months now. I'm 5'4'' at 165lbs. I love primal and I wouldn't eat any other way. It was cured me of many health issues. Saying that, besides that, I'm furious because I see so much wonderful weight loss success and it just hasn't happened for me. I had to get on JUDDD to lose weight, I lost about 5 lbs, and I re gained it. It's not the gaining it back that bothers me, it's the fact that WHY can't it just work for me? I sometimes think I just need to "throw the towel in" and surrender into acceptance that maybe I just was meant to stay at 165. I'm just scared that I'll gain 10 more pounds if i'm not constantly tracking, doing JUDDD, IFing. It just doesn't seem stress free to feel like if I were to just not be on "IF" or "JUDDD" thinking that just "being" means i'll gain 10 more pounds, ya know?
The last Marks Daily Apple success post was pretty wonderful... but all she did was just switch to primal. Why doesn't that work for me!! ahhh it makes me so upset. I'm 26 yrs old. I don't want to worry my life away. I stopped cheese, didn't work, stopped nuts, that didn't work, it's like what am I holding on to? I'm just SO frustrated and most of all scared to just stop tracking, weighing, ifing, and just let myself be for awhile... that IF I was to gain another 10 pounds that the happiness of "calm" is worth it. I just eat so healthy and I don't friggin get it why it does "fall off" for me. Why do I have to struggle with this. sometimes I wish I was just one of those already high metabolism people skinny people who never have to worry about food. I'm sick of thinking about it, worrying, I'm already uncomfortable again because I gained back all the weight I lost from JUDDD. I"M SORRY IF I"M ANNOYING ANY OF YOU! BUT I JUST NEED TO FRIGGIN VENT.
Bottom line.. I want to stop being upset. I want to stop worrying. I want to be happy, I'm just so afraid of letting go of that control (tracking, ifing etc..) I'll just never be where I want. I want to just accept ME NOW, ya know? I feel I lost the battle, like I failed, my body wouldn't do it, wouldn't lose weight, at least I have my health, but I'm still chubby! I still don't fit into my clothes from before the last holidays... It's like I got up to a certain weight and there is just NO return, I get up to a certain weight again, no return. UGH.