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Thread: I'm furious. How to stop being mad controlling and let go! page 3

  1. #21
    sbhikes's Avatar
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    Primal Fuel
    That's me on the right, my sister on the left. I lived my entire life wondering why I couldn't be like her.


    That's me at age 14. I lived in a perpetual state of cringing at my body.


    Me now. Still the chunkster I've always been, but now on a near perfect paleo diet!


    No way in hell the body I was given at birth was ever going to turn out like 99% of of the female Friday success stories.

    What we need is a way for us to redefine success.

    I mean come on, I caught all those fish myself (I actually caught more than that, those were just the biggest ones). That's success! And look at my birds! I've had the one on the left for over 20 years! That's success! Not to mention I have muscles.

    How about this for success?


    How many people can't even do that?

    Or how about this for success?


    I followed MyFitnessPal and ate 1200 calories a day and it didn't do anything. But I can eat a pile of steak on top of a potato for breakfast and get the same results plus energy, vitality and muscles. I can live with that.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Highest squat: 167.5 x 2. Current Deadlift: 190 x 3

  2. #22
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    That's me on the right, my sister on the left. I lived my entire life wondering why I couldn't be like her.


    That's me at age 14. I lived in a perpetual state of cringing at my body.


    Me now. Still the chunkster I've always been, but now on a near perfect paleo diet!


    No way in hell the body I was given at birth was ever going to turn out like 99% of of the female Friday success stories.

    What we need is a way for us to redefine success.

    I mean come on, I caught all those fish myself (I actually caught more than that, those were just the biggest ones). That's success! And look at my birds! I've had the one on the left for over 20 years! That's success! Not to mention I have muscles.

    How about this for success?


    How many people can't even do that?

    Or how about this for success?


    I followed MyFitnessPal and ate 1200 calories a day and it didn't do anything. But I can eat a pile of steak on top of a potato for breakfast and get the same results plus energy, vitality and muscles. I can live with that.

    This should be a Friday success story <3

    Except Sbhikes, I don't understand why you think you're still a "chunkster". The way you talk about yourself I pictured you being straight from chest to hips (like a man), but you're completely hour glass! You've actually got a very womanly shape. Looking great!
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #23
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    Step 1- Wooo saaaaa . . . all the cortisol that you're pumping into your system by stressing about this is NOT helping.

    Step 2- Why do you want to lose weight? Take from my answer what you find to be helpful and ignore the rest:

    I'm currently coming down from yet another all-time high score with my weight. Why? Because my head went to hell, and my waist likes to join in for fun on things like that. I started wanting to lose weight because, ugh, I do NOT find myself attractive. That never works for me. Any time I want to lose weight for vanity, I just get upset and depressed and I eat more and worse. Which, you know, is super helpful. However, by refocusing my need for weightloss- I want to be functional again, since I'm not right now- I have a goal that I can really embrace.

    In the refocus, I had to stop thinking about what I can't do, and focus on what I can do. I can't do a down dog in yoga- my wrists are not strong enough these days- but I can go to yoga. I can't ride horses- at this weight and strength level it would just be rude- but I can go and groom them and work with them on the ground. I even have a guy that thinks I'm hot- I can't wrap my head around why, but I'm getting better at accepting that he does and just allowing it to happen.

    For me, once I am able to relax and accept where I am physically, mentally, and emotionally- that's when things will actually have a chance of changing.

    Long story short? Try and change your focus from what's not happening to what is happening. What can you do? What do you enjoy? What makes your eyes light up? That's what deserves your attention, not your weight. Unless you have a medical condition, eating sensibly and enjoying life is going to be more useful than counting calories or whatever protocol you're on at the moment.
    http://cattaillady.com/ My blog exploring the beginning stages of learning how to homestead. With the occasional rant.

    Originally Posted by TheFastCat: Less is more more or less

    And now I have an Etsy store: CattailsandCalendula

  4. #24
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    I've lost barely any weight from primal dieting. What happens is, I lose weight because of something else--stress, stress relief, a monthlong love affair with broccoli &chicken (still perplexes me), getting out of a stressful relationship--and then I would go back to eating primal and gain nothing back. It's like a ratcheting down.

    Primal makes women fertile, nourished, healthy and energized. Problem is, we're women, so that's just never fuc6king enough.

    Here's the thing. I look at my body and think primal maybe doesn't work that well for ladies, and then a friend tells me I look slimmer and healthier than she's ever seen me. My weight ratchets down, but my expectations ratchet up. Now I take my flat stomach for granted (in my 40s, after 2 9lb. babies, wtf). Instead, I worry about my ass, which is just never going to go away. Hitting optimal markers on Vit. D and thyroid might help-- my sense has been that weight loss for women is hormonal calculus, whereas for men it's addition and subtraction.
    Good luck!

  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by fitmom View Post
    Primal makes women fertile, nourished, healthy and energized. Problem is, we're women, so that's just never fuc6king enough.
    Love it.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by fitmom View Post
    weight loss for women is hormonal calculus, whereas for men it's addition and subtraction.
    Well said!!

  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Yoga, I feel your pain. Don't be ashamed about your feelings - you're definitely not alone.

    A few things I can think of that might help you. It sounds like a metabolism issue so One - get your hormones checked. There may be something amiss that is hindering your weight loss. Two - try the fast metabolism diet. I've heard great things and I'm planning to jump on that thread in the next few days (Hi in advance Nivan! ) Three - Read this stuff about fasting: Paleo for Women | Shattering the Myth of Fasting for Women: A Review of Female-Specific Responses to Fasting in the Literature, Four - You say you might be exercising too much - are you doing chronic cardio?

    And finally, if your weight isn't shifting, the best thing you can do is focus your attention onto loving and appreciating your body for what it is. You can want to make improvements, but I honestly think that any kind of self hatred or abuse just sabotages weight loss and makes the process torturous. This is a thread that helped a lot of women here see through the trap of chronic dieting: What I gave up
    Yes, I need to get my hormones checked like NOW! I see how that could possibly really affecting me. No chronic cardio just yoga 2 times a week and some bike ride fun over the weekend... thank you for you email

    Quote Originally Posted by lorichka6 View Post
    I'll start by saying I'm pretty much in the same boat My clothes fit exactly the same as when I started this 2 years ago. My shoulders are more defined, but that is it

    So it sounds like you have tried everything but "letting go". Higher carb, lower carb, IF.... etc. Fast Metabolism Diet may be worth a read - but it is just another "diet" to try. What if you tossed the food scale and the food log and your regular scale for 2 weeks (because it doesn't sound like you've tried this). Unless you go on a 2 week bender there is no way you'll gain 10 lbs in that amount of time. Just have some ground rules for yourself: no sitting down with a bag of almonds or 3 Green & Black's 85% bars, no blocks of cheese for lunch, etc. Instead, each day focus on eating as WELL as you can - the best, most nutrient dense food you enjoy - with normal portions. Don't try to restrict - I'm sure you know what normal serving sizes are - just don't over indulge.

    I had my own little breakdown (you essentially covered the points in your original post!) about two weeks ago. I went out and got Fast Metabolism Diet and returned it. And then decided that I need to move on. I work in a hospital and see people each day who can't walk the length of the hallway. Their bodies have failed them. Mine works perfectly. I can run and swim and hike and climb ropes and monkey bars. I can dead lift 200 lbs and squat bodyweight multiple times. People constantly complement my skin and my color. My teeth look whiter than they used to. I eat foods I really like. Overall I've got $hit to complain about. Fine, you can't really see my abs and I can't write in for a success story - get over it. So, my husband put the scale somewhere unbeknownst to me and I haven't touched my online food journal in 2 weeks. I don't wake up each morning worried what the scale will say. I honestly just feel better - by taking away the tools that allow me to beat myself up on a daily basis (scale, food log) - I just stopped doing it Who knows if this will help but, like you, it is the ONLY thing I have never really tried, so I'm going to give it a shot. And try not to eat my body weight in cheese and chocolate
    Yes! "letting go" it's the last thing I need to do, that I have never done... and not letting go of healthy eating, but just a breathing break. like you said, so many people can't walk or have serious illness I need to except me NOW

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Bingo. This is where I am too. I had to stop the dieting thing for a while to give myself time to recover emotionally.! I really think that until you accept where you are, you can't move on permanently.

    I'm heavier now than I've ever been and I honestly don't care anymore. I've realised that how attractive you are is more about how comfortable you are with yourself. Saying that, I am going to try the Fast Met diet, but if it makes me crazy again I'm going to ditch it.
    I want so badly to get there... to not care anymore... I am healthy now, I want to enough it and feel good in my skin where I am now... it is about being comfortable with myself... I realized how much I need that or I will never succed with weightloss... I'm just seeing that now, and how THAT itself is what has stopped my body.. I just know it. It's getting over the fear of that doing that means I'll just gained more... when really I'm getting back to my happiness I LOST.


    Quote Originally Posted by marcadav View Post
    I have told my story many times here. I only found success after I changed my focus and gave myself permission to stay obese if I got and stayed healthy. Health was determined by things I set for myself-- eating healthy foods and exercising a set amount-- and by medical markers.

    Before I started my journey I spent time formulating my plan, deciding what I knew I would do and being honest about what I knew I wouldn't. After I had the plan I spent even more time wrapping my head around the plan and becoming internally committed to it. At NO time was what I weighed a marker for success.

    I didn't track macros as it drives me crazy. I didn't track food. I did track how many miles I logged on my treadmill and if I lifted something heavy.

    A year later I was healthy by all counts. I was successful. A perk of my healthy choices was weight loss.

    It has not been a success only journey. I have thyroid disease, cerebral palsy, and other issues. When my meds are off I can have symptoms and gain weight rapidly. None of that is within my control.

    I can only control my choices-- what/how I eat and if/when/how I move.

    So my suggestion is twofold. First get a physical and have the following tested
    1. Vitamin D
    2. Ferritin
    3. Thyroid-TSH, free T4, FreeT3
    4. Blood sugar-- fasting glucose, HbA1c
    5. Metabolic panel
    Any of these things not being optimal can slow metabolism

    After that, let go of what you can not control and find success in the things you can.
    I'm going to get all those tested! thank you for sharing with me!

    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    That's me on the right, my sister on the left. I lived my entire life wondering why I couldn't be like her.

    That's me at age 14. I lived in a perpetual state of cringing at my body.

    Me now. Still the chunkster I've always been, but now on a near perfect paleo diet!

    No way in hell the body I was given at birth was ever going to turn out like 99% of of the female Friday success stories.

    What we need is a way for us to redefine success.

    I mean come on, I caught all those fish myself (I actually caught more than that, those were just the biggest ones). That's success! And look at my birds! I've had the one on the left for over 20 years! That's success! Not to mention I have muscles.

    How about this for success?

    How many people can't even do that?

    Or how about this for success?

    I followed MyFitnessPal and ate 1200 calories a day and it didn't do anything. But I can eat a pile of steak on top of a potato for breakfast and get the same results plus energy, vitality and muscles. I can live with that.
    You should be up on MDA for success stories!! I relate SO much.. my sister was always the "skinny" one and "pretty one".. redefining success IS what I need. WOW you made me cry joy.. thank you for sharing... !!!!!!

  8. #28
    Yoga11's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    That's me on the right, my sister on the left. I lived my entire life wondering why I couldn't be like her.


    That's me at age 14. I lived in a perpetual state of cringing at my body.


    Me now. Still the chunkster I've always been, but now on a near perfect paleo diet!


    No way in hell the body I was given at birth was ever going to turn out like 99% of of the female Friday success stories.

    What we need is a way for us to redefine success.

    I mean come on, I caught all those fish myself (I actually caught more than that, those were just the biggest ones). That's success! And look at my birds! I've had the one on the left for over 20 years! That's success! Not to mention I have muscles.

    How about this for success?


    How many people can't even do that?

    Or how about this for success?


    I followed MyFitnessPal and ate 1200 calories a day and it didn't do anything. But I can eat a pile of steak on top of a potato for breakfast and get the same results plus energy, vitality and muscles. I can live with that.

    YOU ARE INSPIRING! This should be a Friday success story!!!

    I Love you parrots too!! you sharing made me feel so inspired... thank you for being you !!

    So what did work for you? did you just stop measure and just start living and the weight came off itself? do tell...
    Last edited by Yoga11; 06-24-2013 at 04:10 PM.

  9. #29
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    Quote Originally Posted by TheyCallMeLazarus View Post
    As a man, I can tell you for sure that is the truth....trust me, there are a whole lot of really attractive women that aren't sexy at all

    And I would like to cede my previous post about perhaps doing fasting, seeing as you already have....the jury has come back on IF for men, and it works. In women, it's still being debated. I found your links on the subject very informative YogaBare. The fool and the dead alone never change their opinion. I am no expert there.

    Overall, I think counting stuff up and doing to the set workouts is not sustainable. Simple and relaxed trumps complex and harried, plus you're a lot more fun to hang out with!
    Quote Originally Posted by Owen View Post
    Estrogen causes women to retain more body fat than men, this might be your cause. What other people have said about women begin just as attractive with some body fat is true, they are.

    My weight loss also seems to have levelled out at approximately 20 pounds heavier than I'd like. But I know that across two years or so, I'll become even leaner, it will just take a long time. I've been on paleo for the same as you - about 8 months.
    yes, I'm looking for the peace... and I agree with Theycallmelaz, I am way more fun to hang out with when I'm not SO crazy and hard on myself.. It's finding that peace, staying healthy, smart, and trusting myself with food. It's easy to make food my villain.. I want peace and easy.. acceptance of my body and self right now. I'm so afraid of "letting go" it could be great! but the chance of it being that I gain 10 more pounds is SO scary. I'm trying to find peace in the fear of gaining weight inside of letting go.. I just know there is a rainbow over there and I just have to JUMP!
    Last edited by Yoga11; 06-24-2013 at 04:43 PM.

  10. #30
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    You've gotten so much wonderful support here, Yoga. I'm nearly old enough to be your grandma, and when I was your age I felt the same as you did when you wrote your initial post.

    Now at a much older age, I regret all the time I wasted agonizing over my weight. The notion of an "ideal body" is a trap of our civilization and I was foolish indeed to let a yearning for that "ideal" color my life the way I did. Be happy. Relish what you have. Peace.
    Starting Weight: 197.5
    Current Weight: 123
    Lost 75# eating low carb (20-40 g) and then MDA primal low carb. Tried many other options but only LC helped me lose weight and improve health. Now at a good weight, I find my body can tolerate a few more carbs but rarely go over 100 g.

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