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Thread: I'm furious. How to stop being mad controlling and let go! page 2

  1. #11
    RichMahogany's Avatar
    RichMahogany is offline Senior Member
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    Just want to say the stress ain't helping.

  2. #12
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    lorichka6 is offline Senior Member
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    I'll start by saying I'm pretty much in the same boat My clothes fit exactly the same as when I started this 2 years ago. My shoulders are more defined, but that is it

    So it sounds like you have tried everything but "letting go". Higher carb, lower carb, IF.... etc. Fast Metabolism Diet may be worth a read - but it is just another "diet" to try. What if you tossed the food scale and the food log and your regular scale for 2 weeks (because it doesn't sound like you've tried this). Unless you go on a 2 week bender there is no way you'll gain 10 lbs in that amount of time. Just have some ground rules for yourself: no sitting down with a bag of almonds or 3 Green & Black's 85% bars, no blocks of cheese for lunch, etc. Instead, each day focus on eating as WELL as you can - the best, most nutrient dense food you enjoy - with normal portions. Don't try to restrict - I'm sure you know what normal serving sizes are - just don't over indulge.

    I had my own little breakdown (you essentially covered the points in your original post!) about two weeks ago. I went out and got Fast Metabolism Diet and returned it. And then decided that I need to move on. I work in a hospital and see people each day who can't walk the length of the hallway. Their bodies have failed them. Mine works perfectly. I can run and swim and hike and climb ropes and monkey bars. I can dead lift 200 lbs and squat bodyweight multiple times. People constantly complement my skin and my color. My teeth look whiter than they used to. I eat foods I really like. Overall I've got $hit to complain about. Fine, you can't really see my abs and I can't write in for a success story - get over it. So, my husband put the scale somewhere unbeknownst to me and I haven't touched my online food journal in 2 weeks. I don't wake up each morning worried what the scale will say. I honestly just feel better - by taking away the tools that allow me to beat myself up on a daily basis (scale, food log) - I just stopped doing it Who knows if this will help but, like you, it is the ONLY thing I have never really tried, so I'm going to give it a shot. And try not to eat my body weight in cheese and chocolate

  3. #13
    NATLES's Avatar
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    I am no expert here but I have gone through a lifetime of weight struggles. Maybe you are not eating enough. I know that sounds crazy but when you don't eat enough or IF too much, your body may think its starving and start shutting down its systems, including fat burning. I personally stopped getting on the scale. Its been several weeks now and I feel great about it. It has given me so much freedom emotionally and joy! Just my thoughts, good luck to you!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by lorichka6 View Post
    I had my own little breakdown (you essentially covered the points in your original post!) about two weeks ago. I went out and got Fast Metabolism Diet and returned it. And then decided that I need to move on. I work in a hospital and see people each day who can't walk the length of the hallway. Their bodies have failed them. Mine works perfectly. I can run and swim and hike and climb ropes and monkey bars. I can dead lift 200 lbs and squat bodyweight multiple times. People constantly complement my skin and my color. My teeth look whiter than they used to. I eat foods I really like. Overall I've got $hit to complain about. Fine, you can't really see my abs and I can't write in for a success story - get over it. So, my husband put the scale somewhere unbeknownst to me and I haven't touched my online food journal in 2 weeks. I don't wake up each morning worried what the scale will say. I honestly just feel better - by taking away the tools that allow me to beat myself up on a daily basis (scale, food log) - I just stopped doing it Who knows if this will help but, like you, it is the ONLY thing I have never really tried, so I'm going to give it a shot. And try not to eat my body weight in cheese and chocolate
    Bingo. This is where I am too. I had to stop the dieting thing for a while to give myself time to recover emotionally.! I really think that until you accept where you are, you can't move on permanently.

    I'm heavier now than I've ever been and I honestly don't care anymore. I've realised that how attractive you are is more about how comfortable you are with yourself. Saying that, I am going to try the Fast Met diet, but if it makes me crazy again I'm going to ditch it.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #15
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    JoanieL is offline Senior Member
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    Mine is a pretty unpopular view. I believe that people who tend to be overweight are broken somehow. We/they don't have the natural mechanisms to stop eating when we/they're full. Since being an adult, I've weighed between 118 and 263 pounds. I am the same person no matter what I weigh. The difference is that when I'm at a good weight, I am monitoring every fucking morsel that I put in my mouth.

    There are no magic bullets. Even Primal, though I think it's a fantastic way to approach eating, isn't a magic bullet if you are the kind of person who doesn't even grok (Heinlein's grok the verb, not Mark's Grok the noun) what satiation is. When asked if I'm hungry, I answer, "I've been hungry since puberty." It's sad but true.

    I currently weigh in the 140s. That's way above my skinny weight of 118 - not sure why I latched on to that as my perfect weight, but there you have it. I'm happy here. I never thought I would be happy over 120. Every day is a struggle. I could eat 24/7. I like all the food that is bad for me - pizza, po'boys, etc.

    But it gets easier. As I eat meats that are raised with an attention to animal welfare, I become a more conscientious consumer. There is not much cheating - I hate the word cheating. There is not much eating off plan. My big transgressions are things like too many bananas in a day. Egad! Or a day without animal products.

    What was so hard to fathom a year ago has become a way of life. Hang in there.
    "Right is right, even if no one is doing it; wrong is wrong, even if everyone is doing it." - St. Augustine

    B*tch-lite

    Who says back fat is a bad thing? Maybe on a hairy guy at the beach, but not on a crab.

  6. #16
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    loafingcactus is offline Senior Member
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    I'm pretty much in the same boat as JoanieL.

    I've been thinking about my reply for a while, because I don't want to be dismissive of your feelings, but also... I'm happy person with obesity III and have participated in a lot of weight loss groups where that's not very common, so I'm trying to think of what is different about that and what I have to offer as a different way to think about things.

    I'm remembering when someone at church would focus all this attention on some difficulty with their baby, and after they left the room the other mothers would say, "First child syndrome." It sounds a little bit like only disease syndrome. It's not fair to be afflicted with a weight difficulty, but as one gets older and gets other chronic conditions and sees other people go through chronic or fatal conditions, it stops being quite so special. I just found out that someone I know very well has kept MS a secret in order to avoid job discrimination. She disclosed this to me when I was afraid my autoimmune diseases might take a debilitating and/or fatal turn and I was stressed out from keeping that secret. Everyone has something weighing on them- with perspective, most of the time one is glad for what one got.
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Yoga11 View Post
    Nivan, I'm tried every macro, calories, exericise.. 1800 cal to 1500 cal, 70%fat-80%fat, 20carbs to under 100 carbs. I've tried it all and over time i've tried it. I exercise regularly. Sometimes I think it's because I'm such a regular at exercising that THAT might be what stalls me? either way, I don't know if I even care anymore... I've been looking SO hard and SO close at this for almost a year and I"m TIRED of looking for that ANSWER. I'm exhausted.
    Mostly agreed with what others have said, but I asked those questions because it still can at least help others try and help you. You know? If you keep tweaking without trying xyz for a dedicated amount of time (A few months?) you may never know if something has started to work or not.

    I hate the fact that i'm stuck, too. I'm dialing in certain macros and just lifting heavy crap in the gym, not necessarily caring how quickly things happen. Actually much happier and peaceful this way.

    Maybe you're one that needs to go higher carb, if going primal by itself hasn't worked for you.

  8. #18
    TheyCallMeLazarus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Bingo. This is where I am too. I had to stop the dieting thing for a while to give myself time to recover emotionally.! I really think that until you accept where you are, you can't move on permanently.

    I'm heavier now than I've ever been and I honestly don't care anymore. I've realised that how attractive you are is more about how comfortable you are with yourself.
    As a man, I can tell you for sure that is the truth....trust me, there are a whole lot of really attractive women that aren't sexy at all

    And I would like to cede my previous post about perhaps doing fasting, seeing as you already have....the jury has come back on IF for men, and it works. In women, it's still being debated. I found your links on the subject very informative YogaBare. The fool and the dead alone never change their opinion. I am no expert there.

    Overall, I think counting stuff up and doing to the set workouts is not sustainable. Simple and relaxed trumps complex and harried, plus you're a lot more fun to hang out with!
    Last edited by TheyCallMeLazarus; 06-24-2013 at 01:39 PM.

  9. #19
    Owen's Avatar
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    Estrogen causes women to retain more body fat than men, this might be your cause. What other people have said about women begin just as attractive with some body fat is true, they are.

    My weight loss also seems to have levelled out at approximately 20 pounds heavier than I'd like. But I know that across two years or so, I'll become even leaner, it will just take a long time. I've been on paleo for the same as you - about 8 months.

  10. #20
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    marcadav is online now Senior Member
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    I have told my story many times here. I only found success after I changed my focus and gave myself permission to stay obese if I got and stayed healthy. Health was determined by things I set for myself-- eating healthy foods and exercising a set amount-- and by medical markers.

    Before I started my journey I spent time formulating my plan, deciding what I knew I would do and being honest about what I knew I wouldn't. After I had the plan I spent even more time wrapping my head around the plan and becoming internally committed to it. At NO time was what I weighed a marker for success.

    I didn't track macros as it drives me crazy. I didn't track food. I did track how many miles I logged on my treadmill and if I lifted something heavy.

    A year later I was healthy by all counts. I was successful. A perk of my healthy choices was weight loss.

    It has not been a success only journey. I have thyroid disease, cerebral palsy, and other issues. When my meds are off I can have symptoms and gain weight rapidly. None of that is within my control.

    I can only control my choices-- what/how I eat and if/when/how I move.

    So my suggestion is twofold. First get a physical and have the following tested
    1. Vitamin D
    2. Ferritin
    3. Thyroid-TSH, free T4, FreeT3
    4. Blood sugar-- fasting glucose, HbA1c
    5. Metabolic panel
    Any of these things not being optimal can slow metabolism

    After that, let go of what you can not control and find success in the things you can.

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