Thank you, Hedonist2 for the encouragement. I really needed that today. I am having such ups and downs it's crazy. I take all kinds of supplements from my holistic doctor including trace minerals. a lot of them because she said it helps anxiety. About 2 weeks into the primal diet, my anxiety disappeared. It had been that way for over 2 months until I started having more issues staying on track. Now I feel anxious sometimes and my sleep is becoming not as good as when I was more on track. It's so bizarre that I am doing this to myself. I don't do what makes me feel better for the momentary pleasure of eating what I want. I see so much of a connection between my mental health and my diet that I am shocked. Really shocked that food can make that big of a difference. As I am reducing the psych meds (for bipolar and anxiety disorder) it is even more important that I stay on track with my diet and lifestyle so I can remain psychologically healthy without the medications.
My partner and I went out for Coldstone tonight. And we had sliders last night. Tonight she looked at me very seriously while we ere enjoying our ice cream and said "this is it." We talked about how we aren't going to keep doing this so consistently and get back on track to where we both felt better. I think for me, and my partner, it's kind of all or nothing. The more carbs and sugar i eat, the more I crave and it is a self-perpetuating cycle. I think the answer is to cut it out altogether. I really like how Mark is so flexible but I am not sure that I can be. I think if the ice cream was twice per month it would be okay to handle. But not every week mixed in with unapproved foods at least 3 times per week. I'm hardly primal!!!
I have also been really tired in the morning because I am fighting the sickness that my partner has had this week. I miss my 15 minute morning walks with Bella (our cockatoo). I haven't had as much activity and I really notice that I feel sluggish.
For many years, I have felt like there is something in me that needs to "click" to eat healthy and exercise appropriately. I"m doubting if there is such a thing. I have had great results with being primal and now look where I am . I"m moving backwards. Nothing is going to click. I think I have to make a strong determination to do what is best for my health and get some willpower to say no.
To be fair to myself, the medications that I am on cause weight gain. This tells me that they probably cause you to want to eat foods that will make you fat. Or am I eating because I am getting fat from the meds? Either way, I know 100% that my eating habits are also related to these medications (I gained 100 pounds the first year that I took them and for 15 years, I have never lost it. No more than 20 pounds of it). I had stopped taking my medications for about a year 8 years ago. I lost weight like crazy and didn't have food cravings. Unfortunately, I started having some serious symptoms and went back on the meds. Boom. The weight (I had probably lost 45 pounds that year) went right back on in a matter of a couple of months. I have to conquer this. I want to. I don't want to be on these powerful meds the rest of my life. And I don't like being fat either. I have to make decisions on a daily basis (big and small) that are going to benefit my mental health. Luckily, I don't have any other health issues.
I find that the entire primal lifestyle helps me to feel really good. This is good for my mental health. I need an entire change of perspective and to overcome some ingrained habits such as being inclined to watch a movie rather than go for a walk. We got rid of our cable so that has been helping a bit. Maybe the difficulties that I'm having could serve to show me the contrast between living primally and not. Well, in fact, that is what has been happening.
My holistic doctor said that she thinks that I'm doing really well. I don't feel like I'm doing well. I do tend to be perfectionistic though about some things. I don't know. She said that my analysis that I am bored with my food is probably correct but then said that eating healthy is boring.
WHAT LADY??? HELL NO!!! I AM NOT GOING TO LIVE LIKE THAT!!!
Food is so much to me. It is nourishment, entertainment, love, family, community etc...IT HAS TO BE FUN MOST OF THE TIME. It just has to be. I will find my way of making it fun.
Thanks for reading.
"I came to live out loud!" -Emile Zola