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Thread: I really need some help and advice page

  1. #1
    FireWeed's Avatar
    FireWeed is offline Junior Member
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    I really need some help and advice

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    Hey everyone! This is my first time posting but I have been reading the website and lurking here for a long time. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with PCOS? My question is for my cousin, who seems very sick and was diagnosed with it a few months ago. She just turned 20 and is quite obese. The thing that alarmed me was that I saw her yesterday at a party SHE hosted and she obviously had not showered and spent most of the party sort of "slumped" at the table or on the couch. I am convinced she is depressed on top of suffering from obesity, PCOS, and insulin resistance. She is a "low information" person and I get the feeling that she does not bother to do any research into her condition. At the same time though I am sure that no 20 year old woman wants to be that way. I am torn between trying to help her since I still see her as a "kid" and minding my own business since she is technically an "adult." Our entire family has had issues with type 2 diabetes, hypoglycemia, etc - basically all the things you get from sugar. When she first got diagnosed, I tried explaining carbs and sugars to her, and she told me she was on a low carb diet and that she was eating things like "chicken and brown rice"

    Has anyone had any luck explaining this stuff to someone who clearly just does not get it? Is there any hope for these people?

    One part of me just wants to mind my own business, and another part of me does not want to see someone I love getting diabetes at 30.

  2. #2
    loafingcactus's Avatar
    loafingcactus is offline Senior Member
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    I'd ask her if she wants to talk. Listen and engage first. If you go in with an agenda she won't listen to you (nor frankly, should she).
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
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    FireWeed's Avatar
    FireWeed is offline Junior Member
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    Yeah I suppose I will just leave it. I was sort of hoping that maybe someone on this board had been successful in getting through to a loved one. I just feel really sad when I think about how awful her life is going to be.

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    loafingcactus's Avatar
    loafingcactus is offline Senior Member
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    Well, you can decide to just leave it, but that certainly isn't what I suggested. If you show up at a party unbathed and no one notices, that has to feel about Kafka-esque. It doesn't help one's sense of reality.

    I just said that if you want to help her it has to be about her, not about an agenda pre-determining what help she needs.

    Or having pre-determined her life is going to be aweful. You have no idea what resources she has inside or might show up on her door. One thing that is interesting me very much as I approach 40 are the number of people with fairly mundane or even awful pasts who suddenly seemingly out of nowhere up and do something amazing. You have no idea what is going to happen.
    “In God we trust; all others must bring data.” W. Edwards Deming
    Blogging at http://loafingcactus.com

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    Annieh's Avatar
    Annieh is offline Senior Member
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    I believe your concerns are both genuine and warranted. As a cousin you are in the ideal place to offer friendship and encouragement. Don't be afraid to start there, it's better than either doing nothing which might indicate you don't care or coming on strong about diet which might seem judgmental and which she may not yet be ready to hear.

    You could possibly bring her tasty primal treats, without commenting at all about their healthfulness. Maybe just say you were trying a new recipe and would like her feedback. And you could pray.

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    FireWeed's Avatar
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    Thanks for the ideas. I actually did bring a nice salad to her party (mainly for me though, as I was worried there would be only pizza). Honestly my best idea would be to lose 30 pounds and have her see the results. Everyone else in the family is obsessed with getting her to exercise, but I personally think that is pointless and won't last nor work unless the diet is changed.

    I am only 12 years older than her but I simply cannot believe how sick people are at her age. Maybe someday she will get better, but I just worry that will be 10 years from now and she will have T2 diabetes and god only knows what else. All of her friends were similar, with muffin tops and puffy faces. They were sluggish, dull, and really only interested in the food. When I was her age there was almost nothing my friends and I did that "centered" around food. In fact, food almost seemed like an afterthought most of the time.

  7. #7
    maurapprimal's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by FireWeed View Post
    Hey everyone! This is my first time posting but I have been reading the website and lurking here for a long time. I was wondering if anyone has had any experience with PCOS? . . .
    Although I'm not very good at convincing people to do things, I thought I'd chime in here as your cousin and I have some very similar sounding issues. I was diagnosed with PCOS during my last year of high school (I'm 24 now), and I've been insulin resistant and overweight most of my life. Being diagnosed with PCOS didn't depress me like it did your cousin (I had very encouraging doctors), but instead of dealing with it, I ignored it. Spent all 4 years of college pretending it didn't exist, and using it as an excuse for being overweight. This method resulted in a college graduation weight of 216 (my heaviest) on a 5'1 frame.

    I then scared myself out of 15lbs after considering the Lap Band (most of those symptoms were far worse than spending the rest of my life heavy!), using Weight Watchers, stayed at the same weight for about a year, then found a body building routine/diet that appealed to me. I spent 2 months on that body building routine. I only lost 7lbs, but the combination of good eating and exercise bought me the best test results I'd had in years: normal testosterone levels, 60point cholesterol drop, etc. I found MDA by looking for a good way to further my results in my bodybuilding. 20 days of primal and I've dropped another 5lbs, my energy levels are better, digestion improved, all the good things you hear once it kicks in.

    I do encourage you to approach your cousin about this. It sounds like she needs a friend. Not a trainer, not a "concerned family member", just a friend who wants her to feel better. Waiting until you've lost your own 30lbs is only going to give her more time to be depressed and put on more weight. It's only a "none of your business" moment if she is truly happy at the weight/condition she's at (which from what you've said, she's not). And don't bring it up as a "weight loss thing". Coming from personal experience, the last thing she'll want to hear is another person telling her how to manage her own body and about how she's too heavy.
    Explain to her how you, yourself, have been feeling eating/living primal. Make it an issue of feeling better, rather than losing weight. Don't start off the conversation with something like "bread is bad & wheat is evil" (even if it is :P), but expound a little on how gluten ravages the body. Heck, buy her a copy of Mark's book or lend her yours. Diet is the keystone, but exercise has a huge impact on those of us with PCOS, more so I think than the average Joe. She'll have to find a type she likes, and hopefully you can encourage the rest of the family to back off a little until she does.

    In the end, you can only offer her your experiences and support. She will have to be the one to make the change, and nothing will stick if she feels forced into it. PCOS, and insulin resistance, go hand in and hand, and are all about management. Tell her she's not alone, and that there are many others in a similar situation, but are managing it. The whole reason I started the Primal lifestyle myself was the success rate it has PCOS, and now I doubt I'll turn back to CW. You can't beat the way you feel living primal.

    /end of humungous post, sorry about that. This one struck a cord.

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