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Thread: Want to go Primal? Drop the wife or husband (Rule #11) page 7

  1. #61
    Paleobird's Avatar
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    I think sexuality is a spectrum. Some people are 100% straight, others 100% gay but most people are somewhere in between. The same can be said about monogamy. Some are 100% 'til death do us part, some are 100% all about the next hook up, but most are somewhere in between.

    For me, the comfortable place on the spectrum is serial monogamy. No screwing around behind someone's back but also not sticking it out through thick and thin if someone is being a jerk or we are just not feeling the compatibility anymore.

    So my relationships seem to last anywhere from 6 months to a few years. This works for me.
    If I knew anyone interested in a polyamorous type of relationship, I would definitely be open to exploring that but most guys I meet want to make sure I am "all theirs" and I am, just not forever.

    I think the historical/anthropological angle is interesting but our ways of interacting need to evolve to fit our new environment. Grok didn't have the STDs we have. That is a really good argument for some form of monogamy right there. Also, a lot more of modern sexual interactions have nothing to do with reproduction given birth control and longer life expectancy post menopause.

    The argument that bugs people about finding something to fight about in a relationship because you really want to move on to someone else, sorry to say this, but I gotta agree with the OP, there is a lot of merit in that one, IMO. People manufacture the stupidest things to fight about. I find that if I don't feel trapped, I know I can leave anytime I want, I am far less likely to engage in such petty squabbles in a relationship.

    Although several have tried over the years, nobody is ever getting me anywhere near an alter thankyouverymuch.

  2. #62
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    magnolia1973 is online now Senior Member
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    Different strokes for different folks.

    I think if you cheat on your spouse or boyfriend, the relationship is working for you to some degree or you would just end it. So whether that woman you were with needs financial support, emotional support, a daddy for her kids or whatever, she's staying for a good reason.

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  3. #63
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    Quote Originally Posted by Davidil View Post
    That's great, good for you. I honestly think most couples are not happy. Half of the last 10 women I've been with were cheating on thier husband or boyfriend with me.
    Yep. No offense to someone who genuinely does have a blissfully happy relationship or to Great aunt Betty and Uncle Bob who were married for seventy three years, yada yada.

    That said...

    In real life, I have seen an awful lot of unhappily married people. Some stick it out and make it work "for the kids" or because they don't have any financially viable alternative, or because of family pressures or whatever. Many fight and bicker and make each other miserable til death do they part or until one or the other gives in and cheats.

    And then there are a lot of people who just resign themselves to it and go on in some degree of quiet desperation. Not happy but not figuring there is anything better.

    I really do agree that, for those people who are not naturally "meant" to be monogamous, it is a fundamentally unnatural mold that we try to force ourselves to fit into. It doesn't work and makes everyone unhappy in the meantime.

  4. #64
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    I would not call it *bliss* lol.

    On the other hand, I know a lot of supremely unhappy single people. I will say, and this might be mean, most have a level of undesirability and a lot of bitterness. A lot of the single guys I know don't have a roster of 76 women to go call and get laid. A lot of the single women I know want to be in relationship and have not had one in years.

    Mostly you need to be true to yourself and as long as you don't lead women along promising a relationship/marriage/whatnot to get laid, by all means, be a swinging single and have fun with it.

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  5. #65
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    You know how even when we're in a relationship we keep looking at members of the other sex?
    Uhm, no... never happened to me.
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  6. #66
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    I try and solicit marital advice from happily married, loyal people that I know who are older and have been married many years.

    Never met one though- adviceless.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  7. #67
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mr.Perfidy View Post
    I try and solicit marital advice from happily married, loyal people that I know who are older and have been married many years.

    Never met one though- adviceless.
    Both hilarious and very sad.

    Guys, don't get me wrong, I used to a really romantic guy when I was young.... but then reality hits you in face. I truly wish I was wrong.... too bad I'm not.

  8. #68
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    Quote Originally Posted by magnolia1973 View Post
    I would not call it *bliss* lol.

    On the other hand, I know a lot of supremely unhappy single people. I will say, and this might be mean, most have a level of undesirability and a lot of bitterness. A lot of the single guys I know don't have a roster of 76 women to go call and get laid. A lot of the single women I know want to be in relationship and have not had one in years.

    Mostly you need to be true to yourself and as long as you don't lead women along promising a relationship/marriage/whatnot to get laid, by all means, be a swinging single and have fun with it.
    Not disagreeing with most of this but there are a couple of outdated stereotypes in here.

    First of all, if a woman is single it is because she is undesirable and/or bitter. Really? In olden days the "Old Maid" was a subject of ridicule and/or pity. In today's world, a financially independent woman can choose her lifestyle. Some men find it intimidating, others find it kinda hot.

    Second, that women want relationships but it is men who just want to hook up. Maybe I'm a mutant but there have been guys trying to put a ring on my finger since I was 18 and I've turned them all down. And don't regret it a bit.

  9. #69
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    I think that the worst responsible offender is the "fantasy" that you (davidlil) are talking about; you can be in a monogamous relationship without having all of these admittedly ridiculous bullshit ideas about fidelity and shit.

    My wife for example- we had a big bbq with awesome competitions a few weekends ago, and there was a girl there that we had never met; everyone we know has been talking since then about how hot she is, and my brother tried kickin game with her and failed flat- she mentioned in the course of that conversation that she thought my wife was hot.

    So I told my wife, who seemed suspiciously and encouragingly flattered. Yesterday, she was trying on a new outfit and said that she looked like Peg Bundy. So, I said "Maybe that's why (bbq girl) thought you were hot- I bet a lot of people had a thing for Peggy."

    She then proceeded to be sad and angry, muttering something stupid like, "Why would you think about that?"

    I tried not to laugh in her face. What kinda fuckin question is that?!
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  10. #70
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    As Robb Wolf would say, this is not a historical reenactment.

    Even if you are correct that humans evolved this way, that alone does not make it a compelling reason to adopt that behavior. We eat this way because evolution suggests it is healthier than eating grains, and scientific and anecdotal evidence confirms that. If the science and observations were not there, neither would MDA.

    So please, shelve the "cavemen did this (probably) so you should too" arguments, because they don't hold any water.

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