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Thread: Grief as a stressor- 6 months in? page

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    heatherp's Avatar
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    Grief as a stressor- 6 months in?

    Primal Fuel
    Hey all,

    So I've been Primal now for 5 months and loving it- aside from dairy and red wine slip ups on the regular. I've got more sustained energy and less niggly problems- but- just before Christmas my Mum died very suddenly aged 64. It was (is) a massive shock and even this far along I'm still low in energy compared to before. We were super close and she was the most important person in my life.

    I used to do a ton of hot yoga and running, touch rugby, and now I'm struggling to do much at all. Recent attempts at IF haven't ended well.

    Do you think the grief is the underlying cause, that this is just normal or do you think there's something else going on?

    (sorry for the downer of a subject)

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    I am SO sorry for your loss. I think the grief could definitely be affecting your energy level, especially after only 6 months. I lost my 43 year old husband to a brain tumor about 2 and a half years ago. It definitely threw my exercise routine for a loop. It took about a year before I felt ready to kinda get back on the horse so to speak. Give yourself more time, be kind to yourself. You'll know when you're ready to get back at it harder... Be well.
    Breathe. Move forward.

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    Oh my gosh- I am so sorry to hear about your husband. [hug] These massive events really make life stop in its tracks. I keep feeling I 'should' be better by now- more back into normal life, routines etc. Thanks.

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    Hi Heather,
    I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad last November and yes, it is a stressor. It is going to take a while.

    The thing that I found that helped was just to make a bargain with myself that I will do *something* physically active every day. Doesn't have to be a major workout or a marathon, just get out and go for a walk or do a project in the garden.

    Don't underestimate the power of sunlight on mood also. Getting out for a walk gets all of those things going, Vit D, fresh air, circulation. Keeps you from sinking into the couch.

    Hugs.

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    I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so much harder to lose a parent than anyone is ever prepared for. I felt like it easily took me about three years before I felt normal again. (Not that the shock and pain was so acute for the whole three years, but more that I had to learn how my life and family worked after the loss)

    Grief is a terrible drain on your resources. Do you have any support you can draw on? Sometimes local hospices will have sessions or support groups for dealing with loss. There is a great book called "On grief and grieving" written by a hospice nurse that may help. Also, sometimes a good therapist can help you keep moving forward if you feel stuck.

    Nutrition wise, make sure you are getting liver, bone broth, marrow, and oyster to keep all the micronutrient levels in your body high since you are burning through them quickly now.

    On the other hand it is important to keep in mind that is may not be the grief. I once had a pair of dogs that were incredibly bonded. One died and I was devastated. But my other dog was even worse than me. He moped, sulked, slept a lot, lost his hair, became dull eyed. I did everything I could to get him interested in life again. After about 1-2 months I took him to the vet. Turns out he had developed severe hypothryoidism. Two weeks of medication and he was a totally new dog. I just didn't catch it because I though he was grieving. Long story - but my point is, that it is possible something else has crept up and a visit to your physician may be in order.

    Best of luck. I know it's hard to imagine, but the grief does become manageable over time.
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    Hi Heather,
    I'm so sorry about your mom. I lost my dad last November and yes, it is a stressor. It is going to take a while.
    The thing that I found that helped was just to make a bargain with myself that I will do *something* physically active every day. Doesn't have to be a major workout or a marathon, just get out and go for a walk or do a project in the garden.
    Don't underestimate the power of sunlight on mood also. Getting out for a walk gets all of those things going, Vit D, fresh air, circulation. Keeps you from sinking into the couch.Hugs.
    Thank you, and I'm sorry to hear about your Dad- I didn't physically push myself at all in the early months, and have just started to move a little bit now- yoga and such. I'm in winter (NZ) so I did ask my GP to test my VitD levels just in case-we'll see how that does. Thanks for the e-hugs- always appreciated!

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    Quote Originally Posted by jammies View Post
    I'm very sorry for your loss. It's so much harder to lose a parent than anyone is ever prepared for. I felt like it easily took me about three years before I felt normal again. (Not that the shock and pain was so acute for the whole three years, but more that I had to learn how my life and family worked after the loss)

    Grief is a terrible drain on your resources. Do you have any support you can draw on? Sometimes local hospices will have sessions or support groups for dealing with loss. There is a great book called "On grief and grieving" written by a hospice nurse that may help. Also, sometimes a good therapist can help you keep moving forward if you feel stuck.

    Nutrition wise, make sure you are getting liver, bone broth, marrow, and oyster to keep all the micronutrient levels in your body high since you are burning through them quickly now.

    On the other hand it is important to keep in mind that is may not be the grief. I once had a pair of dogs that were incredibly bonded. One died and I was devastated. But my other dog was even worse than me. He moped, sulked, slept a lot, lost his hair, became dull eyed. I did everything I could to get him interested in life again. After about 1-2 months I took him to the vet. Turns out he had developed severe hypothryoidism. Two weeks of medication and he was a totally new dog. I just didn't catch it because I though he was grieving. Long story - but my point is, that it is possible something else has crept up and a visit to your physician may be in order.

    Best of luck. I know it's hard to imagine, but the grief does become manageable over time.
    Thanks jammies. It really hit me harder than I'd ever imagined...I think when you're an adult you expect to be more rational about it, but it's been horrible, to be honest. My Dad's health isn't (and hasn't been) very good, so to lose Mum first was like being hit by a truck. I think you are right- its about adjusting to the 'new normal'. I have done a bit of reading about grief, but it's hard after a while to know if it is part of the normal grieving process or something else.

    Support- I do have some friends, but I do find those who haven't lost a close family member/loved one dont really understand (which is fine, I dont want them to know this). I am not very good at reaching out on the dark days, so I should try to do that more.

    Nutrition- I have to admit I don't eat any of the things you listed! I should get onto that-will need to find a way to disguise those oysters... ugh.

    I am really sorry about your dog- they are such amazing creatures and totally part of the family, too.

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    Quote Originally Posted by heatherp View Post
    These massive events really make life stop in its tracks. I keep feeling I 'should' be better by now- more back into normal life, routines etc. Thanks.
    losing someone you love is probably the biggest life changing event we go through and as an adult its actually worse as we know exactly what we've lost. I feel sad for all of you and still feel sad for myself after losing my mom.
    One of the most important things to keep in mind though is there is no should - not when it comes to grief. getting life's routines back is helpful as is doing things you enjoy but the pace needs to be your own
    When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
    27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarbDodger View Post
    One of the most important things to keep in mind though is there is no should - not when it comes to grief. getting life's routines back is helpful as is doing things you enjoy but the pace needs to be your own
    Fully agree with this. Especially the pace needs to be your own part.

    Also Paleobird mentioned just getting out and doing SOMETHING. That's sort of where I started out. I just started walking the dog more. That just made me feel better all the way around.

    You never stop missing them but you sort of learn to live with it.
    Breathe. Move forward.

    I just eat what I want...

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    Thanks all- really appreciate the replies. x

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