Thanks for the note. When Mum died, a friend who'd also lost a parent said pretty bluntly that the pain only gets a little bit better, but you get a lot better at dealing with it. That feels about right. I'm way better now, but when the grief hits, it's still so fresh. I keep trying to get back to how I was and it's not working... in terms of exercise I cant seem to push as hard or be as motivated. With food, I'm eating PB, but definitely over/comfort eating. And my 'spark' has definitely dulled from how I used to be.
I think you're right re the spiritual heart, though I'd never really looked at it that way. Mum was definitely the rock and constant in my life and we were so close. You do feel untethered to the world for a long time afterwards (and in many ways I still do).
I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend. Grief is what you feel when you lose something of value, and her friendship was clearly of value to you. Take care of yourself.