Pretty typical day today, except I have mild wrist injuries from writing my history GCSE controlled assessment. I didn't finish it, so I have to go back tomorrow lunch time....then I've got my French oral practise...then freedom! (well, mostly)
And I got confirmation for work experience: I'm working in a cycling cafe . Thank God I didn't have to stay in school and help out in the science department, like my friend. Poor kid.
B: 2eggs in 20g butter (they were perfect today omg) and 2 slices of back-bacon in a teaspoon of coconut oil.
L: 1 salmon fillet (3-4oz? didn't feel like much) + 1/2 avocado
D: 100-130g of chilli with cauliflower rice
Dessert: 1/2 cup of berries with a few tablespoons of greek yoghurt + coffee with around 3 tablespoons of cream.
I don't really eat that much, huh. I need recipes. And my mum to be fully on board. Oh, and to be leaner and faster and stronger...
Edit: ate an apple, and I really want to change the name of this journal. It sounds stupid and it's bugging me.
Last edited by Emtropy; 07-03-2013 at 03:28 PM.
Off to Belgium tomorrow. I shall return with an expanded knowledge and waistline.
Oh, for fuck's sake.
I'm on my period. I've gained weight from 4 days of eating crap in Belgium; and my stomach is in pain of how bloated it is from the bread.
My mother's response? "we need to talk about this diet, look at how big you've gotten, look at your legs and bum...you need to stop eating so mcuh fat."
Oh, I feel like crying.
We have this little habitual cycle, y'know. At first, we go whole-heartedly into it, and I lose a few inches and feel great. Then I stall. Then she's not happy with the result. So, she starts feeding me less. I supplement with fruit and dark chocolate - a lot. I gain a tiny amount of weight. Then, all of a sudden - it's your fault! you're going back to eating low-fat and calorie controlled because you're so overweight I can't look at you. Let's ignore the fact that it wrecked your health and relationship with food.
But it's never her fault. Nope. It's somehow my fault that I resist the free cookies at school, even though I could kill for one; come home hungry, looking for a good source of protein; only to be told I can't have it because think of the calories!
I can whole-heartedly say it's my mum's problem. If you presented her a weight-loss pill with no proven side effects, she'd force it down my grain-fed throat.
I need help. I need to convince her but I can't. I really don't know what to do. And now, I really don't want to go downstairs and talk to her. And I don't want to go to school, even though I was looking forward to seeing my friends. Nope, she's planted that seed of doubt and self-loathing once again. I don't even think she knows she does it.
Christ. This happened last time I went away. I'm going to get anxiety if I ever leave the friggen house again.
Brb, hunting for some brilliant links she'll actually read.
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