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  1. #171
    Cryptocode's Avatar
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    So - - how are you doing now? How does meditation strike you? An AA meeting? It's going to take 7 years; at least. The good news is - - every day is easier than the last. This is a great place to reveal anything. It's amazing how many people are open to acceptance and support. Lots of support is required.

    I have heard many, many stories from alcoholics. Yours is typical though not as bad as most. The typical part is finding the "answer" in the first drink, and then following that road to destruction and worse. Another typical part would be you doing it all again, and worse. You can jump off that road anytime you want; many die while still on it. It's hard, really hard. Be prepared for a long fight.

    In your many hospital visits, have you been to a ward where the 'wet brains' are? If not, make a point of it. Especially when you're tempted. Yes, I mean to be scary; it's a scary disease.
    Last edited by Cryptocode; 07-01-2013 at 08:07 PM.
    "When the search for truth is confused with political advocacy, the pursuit of knowledge is reduced to the quest for power." - Alston Chase

  2. #172
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sol blackcat View Post
    Ha ha, thanks jacmac. You been somewhere nice?
    Why yes Sol and I am still here. I am in FLorence Italy for 1 month. I am on a scholarship with my university studying contemporary and moral problems.
    Florence is very beautiful.

    Until yesterday when I discovered the fresh food markets I have been way off track with eating but now Jacs back!
    You are an inspiration Sol and I can 'see' your strength from here.

  3. #173
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    Quote Originally Posted by jacmac View Post
    Why yes Sol and I am still here. I am in FLorence Italy for 1 month. I am on a scholarship with my university studying contemporary and moral problems.
    Florence is very beautiful.

    Until yesterday when I discovered the fresh food markets I have been way off track with eating but now Jacs back!
    You are an inspiration Sol and I can 'see' your strength from here.
    Oh you are too kind jac, have a great time in those markets and good luck with the eating and scholarship.

  4. #174
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    I agree with Cryptcode that meditation can be very very helpful to this process. The painful past does come up and need acknowledgement and release as it does. Your last post seemed such to me. That is the "journaling" part for me. Little nodes and splinters of pain, big bloody chunks of past regrets and time you can never get back. Yet I believe something is learned from every experience, and that no one is just "typical" who lives their lives as feeling beings although imperfectly at times. I checked out with martinis every night the week my mom died, and went to lunch instead of visiting her at the nursing home when she actually passed (my little voice said to go, but I choose not because I was tired and hungover). I can't take that back now but I can, and have, let it go.

    I, personally, don't really dial in to the AA "fear the disease--beware the inevitable relapse" thing. Once I cleared my system and got honest with what started and continued my drinking, not drinking has been relatively easy.

    I don't agree this has to be a "fight" unless you organize your mental attitude in a reactive "circle the wagon and get out your guns" way as opposed to a more proactive "been there, done that, learned a lot but moving on way" which leads to a future self whose life has a different focus not involving alcohol. No offense Cryptcode, because clearly that works for many who choose AA, but I see such an approach as quite similar to the sinner who averts sin though fear of an angry God instead of naturally choosing not to sin because of an internal moral shift towards growing self-love and compassion towards others. It is more practical, to my mind, to build a life where alcohol is peripheral to daily routines and not a focus of either fear or regret. It was, but is no more. End of story, beginning of a better one.

    Thanks for sharing more of what brought you here Sol. My sense of you is that of a very private person so that was a big effort. It feels good to get it out, but a little painful I expect. Keep going--your first month's countdown is waning. . .
    Last edited by missblue; 07-02-2013 at 05:07 AM.

  5. #175
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    Thanks, but meditation is just not for me. What's going to take seven years? Haven't been to a wet brain ward either. I was working in hospitals not as a patient

    AA, went three times, left and drove to supermarket ect. I liked the idea of everyone in the same room trying to avoid the same problem. That was good, but Boredom and repetition was a killer. A half time break at AA was actually the best bit. Everyone trundles off to the kitchen to make tea, coffee ect. The general chit chat was favourite books,movies, sporting events, how's the kids, try this recipe, my new diet, just every day general topics. It was great, sharing and belonging to a group all very much in the same situation.

    Then coffee over and return to the same boring monologue. Each taking turns to read from the big book, the same stuff as yesterday and the day before that. Mind numbing. I couldn't go back and won't go back.

    I've come further than I anticipated. Never thought I'd see forty so I'm ahead of myself as long as I keep myself alcohol free.
    Although I don't agree with meditation and AA, your advice is very welcome. Thank you.


    Hi blue, yep I understand the regret, I've been there many times. I could tell chilling stories about it.
    Hopefully I'm moving on now, far too early to know but never too early to acknowledge.
    That first month is on it's way. Thank you.
    Last edited by Sol blackcat; 07-02-2013 at 07:52 AM.

  6. #176
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    To Sol and Missblue,

    Yes, I'm an AA member in good standing, sober 27 years. I've sponsored many other drunks, some got sober, more died, the rest went back to drinking. Of the latter a few came back to AA years later and in much worse shape and rarely got sober for more than a few months. They die young.

    No one, absolutely no one, says as a teenager, I want to grow up and be a drunk. No one wants to admit it even to themselves. But doing so is critical. It's no different than saying 'I have cancer'. Once a cancer patient always a cancer patient, but not always actively. Like Paleobird with long and hopefully life long periods of remission; still with the potential lurking in the body chemistry. Yet unlike cancer, in our society, admitting that you're an alcoholic is humiliating and that creates a strong barrier to accepting the factual reality and coping with it.

    The actual AA meeting can easily be replaced by an internal mantra repeated daily. "I am an alcoholic. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink." I don't go to them either for the same reason, and haven't for a long time now.

    And finally the most important part is finding a new lifestyle with friends that share it. A lifestyle that includes no drinking. That is not centered around and focused upon drinking. Friends that are committed to not drinking. If they can be found outside AA that's just as good, but also impossible I think. You must find interests or activities to replace that of drinking.

    Missblue, I'm mot saying Sol is a typical person. I'm saying alcoholism has a typical disease progress and pattern. That's how and why it's defined as a disease. And that pattern is very strong. Most choose not to believe they are part of that pattern and choose one of the other classifications: Light drinker, Moderate drinker, Heavy drinker. None of those groups are alcoholics. They just have a dangerous lifestyle that is easily changed. But heavy drinkers don't find the 'answer' in their first drink, and don't loose their jobs over drinking.

    Sol, yup, it's mind numbing, sort of like meditation. In fact it helps put you in that state. Most AA groups have social events, try going to just those. Or just find a group of friends that don't drink.

    It wasn't until I went to Egypt, about 4 years ago, that I attended a large dinner party of non-drinkers that was a ball, tremendous fun. Those people really know how to have fun and enjoy themselves without alcohol. We've forgotten how to do that.

    "What's going to take seven years?" 13 years of drinking. That's how long it takes to rebuild all the dead cells, synapses and pathways, in the brain and everywhere else. That's how long it takes to get the alcohol out of the bone marrow. That's how long it takes to regrow all the destroyed tissues. etc.

    BTW, I never thought I'd see 40 either. Thought it was a minor miracle when I reached 50. It opposes 4 generations of family history. I'm the only one of our family, including all cousins of up to 3rd degree, that's still alive.

    "Although I don't agree with meditation and AA, your advice is very welcome." You are kind. Thank you. I won't comment any further on this, nor again. This is not the place.

    Congratulations on your first month. That's very big.
    "When the search for truth is confused with political advocacy, the pursuit of knowledge is reduced to the quest for power." - Alston Chase

  7. #177
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cryptocode View Post

    "I am an alcoholic. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink. I don't drink." I don't go to them either for the same reason, and haven't for a long time now.
    I am a smoker even though I don't smoke now. I will always be a smoker but hopefully will remain one who doesn't smoke. The above mantra replacing drinking with smoking is a constant part of my internal dialogue and has stopped me lighting up time after time
    When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
    27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
    new journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...ml#post1264082

  8. #178
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    Crypto, congratulations on twenty seven years, that's absolutely fantastic.
    I don't feel qualified or experienced enough to comment on your post other than to say your advice is more than welcome.

    All the people you've helped in the past is something I'm sure you are very proud about, and rightly so.
    Feel free to offer more advice and shoot me down if you think I'm doing something wrong. If you think my attitude is wrong at anytime then I'd rather you advised me.

    I sincerely hope I didn't disappoint you in anyway.

    I really would value your opinion on any matters you may think might help. Ive had a number of private messages regarding this matter from people I've never seen post on these boards. So your experience could be valuable to other readers who might be taking an interest but don't want to comment.

    Thank you.
    Last edited by Sol blackcat; 07-02-2013 at 07:11 PM.

  9. #179
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    Hey Sol
    Did you get to start your exercise yesterday? How did that go?

  10. #180
    Sol blackcat's Avatar
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    Hi blue, yes I made a start, but could only do a little lifting weights at home. Still can't shake off this knee problem.

    It's funny cos if I didn't fancy the walking and cycling I would be trouble free, however, because I'm eager to get going it won't let let me, sigh! Good day at work?

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