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Thread: Kensington Road: A Journal to there and back again page

  1. #1
    Primal Primate's Avatar
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    Kensington Road: A Journal to there and back again

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    On my terms...

    My first attempt at living a primal lifestyle was an absolute and complete failure from the standpoint of losing the weight, adjusting my lifestyle and pretty much any other measurable variable or goal that I set. I've come to terms with this. Fact is as I return to this site and hopefully this way of life I am heavier than I have ever been. I cannot blame anyone but myself for the outcome that occurred. I was the one that let the eating habits return, I am the one that decided to eat processed shit, sugar and salt because it was just easier than getting my fat ass off the couch to make something out of real food and I am the one that rationalized it all while I watched the weight come back and the tenuous hold on what little fitness I had worked so hard to gain slip from my grasp and then fall into oblivion.

    I'm tired of carrying the extra weight, being the one people look at on the beach with the "OMG don't take off your shirt" dirty looks. I'm tired of not wanting to even go to the beach just because of those looks and how I feel about this body when I look in the mirror. Self loathing and disgust for one's own body is never a good thing. I'm tired of being the "fat one" at my work and the off the cuff comments that get made like "oh better get in line before he does. Haha." or "riiiiight you don't eat donuts. Sure thing chief." or my all time favorite "I heard you were coming to the meeting so I brought extra." I'm done with every time I go to the doc (which is not often) it doesn't matter what the issue is the answer seems to always be "lose some weight." Did you know that's the cure for a broken finger? Neither did I!?!

    So the way I see it I have two choices: 1. Eat myself into oblivion (this option doesn't seem to work, I've tried it.) 2. Get my fat ass up and get doing something to lose the weight to eliminate the common factor between all these situations - the fat.

    Yes I am shallow, I admit it. I want to look good, both in and out of my clothes. I want to be able to enter into fun runs and other activities like my co-workers. I want to be the one that 'lives the good life' and can walk into any store and buy clothes because I fit into average sized closes like everyone else. I want to be able to take those clothes off at the beach and watch all those people with the dirty looks on the beach watch me walk by fit and lean. I want these things and I am willing to put the effort in to get them because I'm sick to death of not living my life and having no energy and no drive to do anything.

    Welcome to my rock bottom - There is only one way to go from here - up. It won't be pretty and it won't be rainbows, sunshine and unicorns all the time but this is my journal - it will be brutally honest - it has to be for me - and it WILL be a journal of success.

    Jump on board for one hell of a ride if you dare - but you will have to be fast because I am not stopping for you. I'm not stopping for anyone.

    B: 3 eggs scrambled, one garden fresh tomato, half an avocado, two slices cheddar cheese and 1 cup skim milk
    L: 1 can white tuna, one garden fresh tomato, two cheese slices.
    S: Salad of some kind - not decided yet.

    By the numbers:
    Hips: 40"
    Waist: 51"
    Chest: 50"
    Shoulders: 59"
    Weight: 304.4 lbs
    Body Fat: 37.9%

    Welcome to my journey - game on!
    “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

    "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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    Cheering you on, PP. You can do this.

    No negative self talk, mind. Just great healthy and delicious food, and some enjoyable moving around.

    Best wishes, A

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    “If you want to make a permanent change, stop focusing on the size of your problems and start focusing on the size of you!”

    Quotes... aren't they a wonderful thing? I'm sure every person on this site that has decided to make a change in their life has had more than one motivational quote spewed at them from well meaning (and maybe some not so well meaning) people. I made the jump back into primal living yesterday and it was noticed right away by both my body and those around me. I'm sure they mean well but sometimes I wonder if our society does not maybe allow a little bit of fat hating as the last acceptable discrimination out there. Make fun of someone because of their color, religion, sexual orientation, age or disability and god help you, but poke a little harmless fun at someone who is a little larger in size and its good cause to join in a round of laughter.

    I've decided to use those well intentioned if not misguided pokes at my size and shape as a driving force to help me change what I need to change. It seems effective too. When I need that little extra push to get over the hill, put the processed food down or push it just a little bit farther I call up something that was said in jest to me or about me and it seems to refocus me, give me that little edge I was missing and that jolt to do what has to be done. It gives me just a little attitude to push through.

    Here is a smattering of the quotes I keep for just these occasions.
    1. "He's not fat he's big boned."
    2. "On another diet huh? What craziness is it this time."
    3. "There is just more of you to love."
    4. "Hey, you are eating healthy today! Good for you!"
    5. "Go on enjoy a piece (put in dessert here) you've earned it."
    6. "I heard you were coming so I brought extra."
    7. "Better get in line before he does or there will be nothing left."
    Translation (at least to me)
    1. "He can't help that he is fat."
    2. "It's not going to work."
    3. "You can't help that you're fat."
    4. "You eat crap most of the time."
    5. "Your fat already so just eat it."
    6. "Your fat you must eat a ton."
    7. "Your fat you must eat a ton."

    What all of this boils down to (again to me) is "You're fat you can't get in shape" and this leads me to my 2 personal favorite quotes "If you want me to do something tell me I can't" and “The question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.”

    These two quotes pretty much sum up my feeling towards becoming a healthier and better me. I plan to use the slights to my advantage and to drive my changes with them in mind. I plan to not give people a reason to think those things about me anymore or ever again, not for their comfort - I couldn't care less about that - but for my comfort and my health. I plan to use those quotes to help keep me on the straight and narrow and to remind me why I don't want to fall off the wagon again just when results are starting to show. Yes quotes are a truly wonderful thing!

    Yesterday I decided to do some suicides (we call them there and backs when working with the kids) with my students. It felt great to get active again and it also showed me just how out of shape I am and so are some of my students. This is something that I need to address both for me and for them. I plan to do some more today after school so I can start to build up my cardio. I also dusted off an old book I bought many moons ago about running. With summer coming this might be a great time to try and pick up the activity again. I'm starting slow but also looking forward to it. This Saturday (weather permitting) I will be hiking up Prairie Mountain and looking forward to that as well its a great workout and I think would also count as play.

    Supper last night turned out to be amazing! I cooked some shrimp and made a salad with fresh herb mix and spinach, carrots, green onions, red bell peppers and thinly sliced apple. I combined the shrimp and salad and mixed in a homemade dressing with a little mayo (not primal) 1 tsp of garam masala and the juice of a lime. It was light, filling and very tasty.

    B - Zucchini slices sautéed in coconut oil with homemade guacamole and sliced ham
    L - Left over shrimp and salad with homemade garam masala/lime dressing
    S - BBQ Deer Steak and grilled & raw veggies

    So this is living the good life... yeah I remember this feeling!
    Last edited by Primal Primate; 06-12-2013 at 07:37 AM.
    “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

    "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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    Quote Originally Posted by Annieh View Post
    Cheering you on, PP. You can do this.
    Thanks Annieh! Your support is very much appreciated! Grok on!
    “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

    "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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    I'm following with interest. I KNOW you can do this. Blessings as you continue forward!

    Sue

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    Quote Originally Posted by narrowminded View Post
    I'm following with interest. I KNOW you can do this. Blessings as you continue forward!

    Sue
    Thanks Sue! I am feeling pretty good about it this time around too.
    “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

    "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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    Good to see you back..... One of the things I learned a while back (long before Primal days) was that you only lose the fight when you quit fighting.... seems like your not done fighting.... good for you! Welcome back. I look forward to reading your journal going forward.

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    Thanks ssn679doc! I will be 'away' from the forums for a while - its year end and with report cards and the rest time is very limited - I'll try to check in and document how things are going when I can but it might be a little scattered for the next few weeks. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for good weather tomorrow so we can climb Prairie Mountain - I'll drop by tomorrow night if I am able and relate the hike.
    Cheers!
    “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

    "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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    Good luck, I love the quotes. I've heard so many of them myself. Hiking has been the best thing for me to keep on track. I hate running but i seem to be able to hike for hours without issue.
    M/35/5'10"
    SW: 325lbs
    Paleo start: 2/6/2013 @303lbs


    Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Weight Loss Tools

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    PrimalCon New York
    Thanks for the well wishes Harpua!
    “There are only two options regarding commitment, You’re either in or your out. There’s no such thing as life in between.” – Anonymous

    "Das Beste oder nichts" - Gottlieb Wilhelm Daimler

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