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  1. #271
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    It's sad how many women hate their bodies. I once overheard the neighbor girl looking at herself in the mirror at our house say "I hate my body", she couldn't have been more than 7 at the time. I couldn't believe my ears, makes you wonder when this type of thinking starts.
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  2. #272
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    Quote Originally Posted by Urban Forager View Post
    It's sad how many women hate their bodies. I once overheard the neighbor girl looking at herself in the mirror at our house say "I hate my body", she couldn't have been more than 7 at the time. I couldn't believe my ears, makes you wonder when this type of thinking starts.
    Definitely started that young for me.

    You also hear kids saying "I wish I was dead!" I mean, it's kind of funny cos' you think "What could they know about suffering?" but the thought is there, and for them, it's real.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Yes, it's that shift from fear to "just checking." I kind of thought that I was okay with it, but now that I'm thinking of doing this, I have the urge to run over to the scale in the supply room "one last time." That's not a healthy attitude, in my mind, so I am cutting myself off. Unfortunately, I will still find out how much I weigh at my doctor's office, unless I don't look and ask them not to tell me (I worry that they might think I have some kind of disorder if I request this...but what does it matter?).



    I think it's all a personal battle in the end. People can say whatever they want, but you have to make the choice to make a change (seek help, accept help, try something new, etc.). It can take a long time before someone realizes that they were not ready to change.
    perhaps you can look at it like riding a bike with no hands or walking while never looking at your feet ( one of my personal demons)

    do it for the challenge of it...

    i went 3 whole days without looking

    you are smart enough to know that looking doesn't change anything in your life.

    it is a lot like masturbation... a bad habit, picked up under stress
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  4. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Definitely started that young for me.

    You also hear kids saying "I wish I was dead!" I mean, it's kind of funny cos' you think "What could they know about suffering?" but the thought is there, and for them, it's real.
    I think that's a "sad how many people hate their bodies" thing, not exclusive to one gender, but yes. And that kind of drama is considered "normal" for a child, but I have known very well-behaved and adjusted children who would never say anything like that and would be upset to hear a friend say that. Mental illness is basically encouraged & taught (this may be over-simplifying it, I am hesitant to post this, but I feel that it's true) so that it becomes ingrained behaviors & actions, instead of "chemical imbalances". Maybe the actions cause the imbalance.

    Quote Originally Posted by quelsen View Post
    perhaps you can look at it like riding a bike with no hands or walking while never looking at your feet ( one of my personal demons)

    do it for the challenge of it...

    i went 3 whole days without looking

    you are smart enough to know that looking doesn't change anything in your life.

    it is a lot like masturbation... a bad habit, picked up under stress
    Not looking at my feet is a good one. I used to stare at the ground, it made me so uncomfortable to force myself to look up. Now I find it more natural to look up, but watching the ground is a good indicator on my comfort-level & mood.

    Knowing not to look at the scale makes it more tempting. I haven't felt that kind of fight against denying myself something in a while. I remember during a period of depression, my ex prevented me from eating anymore peanut butter cups. I got really mad at him and I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to fight him for those damn candies. I feel like I'm doing that with myself right now.
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  5. #275
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    Well, my name is GrayCat and I am a perfectionist. You see when I work, cook, clean my home, exercise when I do just about anything I strive for perfection. I really give it my all and expect some positive feedback given my effort. Do I manage to do everything perfect all the time? Hell no. That's just impossible.

    I think what Leida is feeling (and to some extent or another 99% of women) has some to do with striving and working hard to achieve something and not seeing exactly what we want to see. The results we expect and think we deserve to see. The upbringing and the environment at the time has a lot to do with out "neurosis" too. I have similar to Leida's background and I completely understand where she's coming from.
    99% of girls and young women were close to friggin perfect when I was growing up. Pretty, thin, well dressed and well put together. Although I have never in my life been obese or severely overweight, just chubby I never (until finally lost weight in high school) felt that I was fitting in.

    The way were we treated by our parents is also a factor. Thank goodness I was spared that kind of mental abuse. Love you mom and dad. I didn't get the same treatment from my peers, though.
    Thankfully I have come a very long way in accepting and loving myself and judging my self worth by many other qualities I posses, not by the size or the flabbiness of my tights. I still have my moments though.

    And I believe It's perfectly fine and plenty helpful to discuss our insecurities and being told to shut up because someone else has it much worse, doesn't help anyone.

  6. #276
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I think that's a "sad how many people hate their bodies" thing, not exclusive to one gender, but yes. And that kind of drama is considered "normal" for a child, but I have known very well-behaved and adjusted children who would never say anything like that and would be upset to hear a friend say that. Mental illness is basically encouraged & taught (this may be over-simplifying it, I am hesitant to post this, but I feel that it's true) so that it becomes ingrained behaviors & actions, instead of "chemical imbalances". Maybe the actions cause the imbalance.



    Not looking at my feet is a good one. I used to stare at the ground, it made me so uncomfortable to force myself to look up. Now I find it more natural to look up, but watching the ground is a good indicator on my comfort-level & mood.

    Knowing not to look at the scale makes it more tempting. I haven't felt that kind of fight against denying myself something in a while. I remember during a period of depression, my ex prevented me from eating anymore peanut butter cups. I got really mad at him and I knew it was stupid, but I wanted to fight him for those damn candies. I feel like I'm doing that with myself right now.
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  7. #277
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    2) there is a difference between normal weight and an attractive body. Not the starved-thin body, but a body that shows fitness and vitality
    That's YOUR opinion and not a fact.

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  8. #278
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    Quote Originally Posted by Leida View Post
    2) there is a difference between normal weight and an attractive body. Not the starved-thin body, but a body that shows fitness and vitality
    Quote Originally Posted by magnolia1973 View Post
    That's YOUR opinion and not a fact.
    I also think there's a difference between weight in general and attractiveness. Attractiveness is subjective. I've seen women and men who were "overweight" and were still amazingly sexy. It's more about how you carry yourself.


    Quote Originally Posted by Graycat View Post
    Well, my name is GrayCat and I am a perfectionist. You see when I work, cook, clean my home, exercise when I do just about anything I strive for perfection. I really give it my all and expect some positive feedback given my effort. Do I manage to do everything perfect all the time? Hell no. That's just impossible.

    I think what Leida is feeling (and to some extent or another 99% of women) has some to do with striving and working hard to achieve something and not seeing exactly what we want to see. The results we expect and think we deserve to see. The upbringing and the environment at the time has a lot to do with out "neurosis" too. I have similar to Leida's background and I completely understand where she's coming from.
    99% of girls and young women were close to friggin perfect when I was growing up. Pretty, thin, well dressed and well put together. Although I have never in my life been obese or severely overweight, just chubby I never (until finally lost weight in high school) felt that I was fitting in.

    The way were we treated by our parents is also a factor. Thank goodness I was spared that kind of mental abuse. Love you mom and dad. I didn't get the same treatment from my peers, though.
    Thankfully I have come a very long way in accepting and loving myself and judging my self worth by many other qualities I posses, not by the size or the flabbiness of my tights. I still have my moments though.

    And I believe It's perfectly fine and plenty helpful to discuss our insecurities and being told to shut up because someone else has it much worse, doesn't help anyone.
    <3
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  9. #279
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I think that's a "sad how many people hate their bodies" thing, not exclusive to one gender, but yes. And that kind of drama is considered "normal" for a child, but I have known very well-behaved and adjusted children who would never say anything like that and would be upset to hear a friend say that. Mental illness is basically encouraged & taught (this may be over-simplifying it, I am hesitant to post this, but I feel that it's true) so that it becomes ingrained behaviors & actions, instead of "chemical imbalances". Maybe the actions cause the imbalance.
    That's a very interesting insight. I was one of the "wish I was dead" kids. I lol about it now, but guess what? The thoughts remain (less and less though).

    Looking forward to hearing where you go with this theory!

    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    I think YB is right, that is part of the point of the thread. I also think that just admitting there's something wrong doesn't mean you know how to fix it or that it's going to be quick/noticeable to other people. (This could be expanded on, I'm just not sure where else the thoughts are going.)

    I think the best thing others can do is empathize, support in a healthy way, and try not to feed the demons. TBH, I try not to address anyone's particular neurosis (unless they're discussing treatment options and I have thoughts on that) because I don't want them to feel like that's all I see them for. I'm not my anxiety or depression, but treating those things is currently a big part of my identity.
    MDA has helped me hugely, and it was mostly because of the people I witnessed being open and honest about their demons. We live in a culture where a certain number of personality "images" are acceptable. Deviate from these, and you get a hard time.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  10. #280
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    I also think there's a difference between weight in general and attractiveness. Attractiveness is subjective. I've seen women and men who were "overweight" and were still amazingly sexy. It's more about how you carry yourself.
    Yeah, as a "big girl" I get a little peaved when I hear skinny girls talking about how fat and ergo unattractive they are. Because, I dunno, I look in the mirror and think I look pretty good and well, my husband and his male friends agree, that I look good. I mean, hey skinny girl, you might well be unattractive, but it isn't the fat on your thighs, because I have some fat on mine, in fact, more than you and yet.... I am attractive.

    So it seems dumb to starve yourself to get rid of shit that doesn't make you unattractive when the real solution is probably some shopping and maybe a haircut and a new lipstick.

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