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Thread: I feel off the wagon. page

  1. #1
    vintageeats's Avatar
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    I feel off the wagon.

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    Hey all,

    I write to you in a cinnamon bun stupor, and I feel gross. I write to you having seen myself recently in print and on t.v.. feeling gross about that too.

    Not sure how to summarize my issues surrounding food, other than to say that it's been a lifelong struggle. It seems like when I start to make progress, there's something in me that immediately wants to derail it. Like, without the extra weight, I won't have a buffer against the world or something.

    I recently launched a magazine about food in my home city of Milwaukee. It's going great and a lot of people are interested in what we do. This has thrown me into the spotlight, which I've tolerated because everyone who contributed to our first issue deserves that recognition. But I'm uncomfortable when I see myself because I know that THIS isn't the version of me that I should be. I need to take better care of myself so that I look and feel better.

    Not sure what this post is, besides a lament (feeling a bit sorry for myself this morning). Maybe it's a plea to be held accountable, or maybe it's a need for some encouragement. Maybe it's a request for someone to tell me that I should take it day by day, like an addict, so that I finally kick this destructive eating for good.

    Thanks, MDA community, in advance for your care and encouragement. I find a lot of good information here, but as with a lot of things, there is often a huge gulf between theoretical knowledge and action. Help. I'm turning 30 in September, and I don't want to struggle with the "me" I know I can be and the one I am now. I don't want my weight to be a problem when/if I decide to have kids. I just want to be at peace with this aspect of my life.

    Jen

  2. #2
    CarbDodger's Avatar
    CarbDodger is offline Senior Member
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    Its okay to feel sorry for yourself sometimes. The trick is to use to motivate yourself and not to go down the, 'i cant do it,its too hard , I don't deserve this' spiral. Make your life the best you can - that's actually what you deserve.
    Put the cinnamon buns behind you with the other mistakes and make a fresh plan. Start over with something that's achievable and enjoyable. Ultimately we are all accountable for ourselves so use your experience to help yourself now.
    When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
    27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
    new journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...ml#post1264082

  3. #3
    shonieb33's Avatar
    shonieb33 is offline Junior Member
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    If you feel like you truly are and addict with food/body image, which there seems to be a lot of that on here from what I read, in some form or another (just my observation, not necessarily the way it is), there are support groups out there in most cities.
    OA.org---

    If not, forget what I posted. And hope today is a better day for you.
    Be kind to yourself.

    S.

  4. #4
    vintageeats's Avatar
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    Well, firstly, I fell off the wagon, not feel Secondly, thanks for the kind words @CarbDodger and @Shonieb33. Today's a new day.

  5. #5
    mindyst's Avatar
    mindyst is offline Junior Member
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    What is the magazine? I'm from Milwaukee also!

    I have struggled with chronic dieting etc my whole life. Counseling helped a lot and the main message she would tell me is you cannot diet. You cannot hate yourself. You may not love everything about yourself but you cannot insult yourself (just like you can't insult others).

    I don't remember what the post was but somewhere on MDA, they were talking about how all life is are a bunch of choices. I don't eat this way because it is a "diet", I eat this way because it makes me feel good. I can choose to cram a candy bar down my throat but I do it knowing that I'm probably going to feel like crap for a few hours. Some days I decide to eat it, some days I decide to not... but it was my choice.

    Anyway, let me know what the magazine is!

    Mindy

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    One thing I've found that helps when you fall off the wagon, and to also help prevent yourself from doing so, is finding a great support group that shares your same ideologies and goals. I know I've found it with a bunch of people on the "newbie" thread in this forum. If you need people to talk to, hop on over. We'll welcome you with open arms

    You also need to figure out why you seem to try to sabotage yourself. Is it a lack of willpower against foods you love/ miss? You can find substitutes for those foods that are better for you and wont make you feel bad about yourself if you do end up binging.
    Is it more of an emotional thing, like boredom? Or is it a confidence and self consciousness issue?

    Either way, dont beat yourself up about it. Everyone slips up, and its what you do AFTER slipping up that matters.

  7. #7
    Alessandra's Avatar
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    Hello Jen First, if I could give you a hug, I would. I know that sounds a bit off coming from a total stranger. Sometimes you just need to know that we all understand. Second, it's time to make peace with the mistakes. Like forgive them and let them go. Don't let them drag you down. Let a sandbag or river rock or a dumbbell do that while you're trying a new form of fun exercise that you'll want to keep doing Oh yeah, we all screw up. I do it too. The thing is, you can do this. I'm here for you to chat with or instant message or whatever!
    Don't let nobody try and take your soul. You're the original . --Switchfoot- The Original

    GW: 135 SW: 156.8 CW: 156.8

  8. #8
    vintageeats's Avatar
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    Thanks, everyone. Firstly, I'd like to say thanks for the outpouring of encouraging comments I saw in my inbox this morning. It really helps to know that there are folks who are going down - or who have gone down - the path I keep trying to take. Will respond individually to all, but just wanted to say how grateful I was to see everyone's messages today

  9. #9
    vintageeats's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mindyst View Post
    What is the magazine? I'm from Milwaukee also!

    I have struggled with chronic dieting etc my whole life. Counseling helped a lot and the main message she would tell me is you cannot diet. You cannot hate yourself. You may not love everything about yourself but you cannot insult yourself (just like you can't insult others).

    I don't remember what the post was but somewhere on MDA, they were talking about how all life is are a bunch of choices. I don't eat this way because it is a "diet", I eat this way because it makes me feel good. I can choose to cram a candy bar down my throat but I do it knowing that I'm probably going to feel like crap for a few hours. Some days I decide to eat it, some days I decide to not... but it was my choice.

    Anyway, let me know what the magazine is!

    Mindy
    Mindy, it's called Edible Milwaukee and we're new to town I think I struggle a little bit because, as publisher of a food magazine, I feel like I really "should" be a master urban gardener, a gourmet chef, a restaurant-frequenting foodie.. all of these things.

    The part you wrote about insulting and hating is compelling, and it's interesting to consider how we would all think if we were as forgiving of ourselves as we are of others. I think it goes back to what @Shonieb33 said earlier - be kind to yourself. My eating badly and binging is NOT kind.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by ashleyisbister View Post
    One thing I've found that helps when you fall off the wagon, and to also help prevent yourself from doing so, is finding a great support group that shares your same ideologies and goals. I know I've found it with a bunch of people on the "newbie" thread in this forum. If you need people to talk to, hop on over. We'll welcome you with open arms

    You also need to figure out why you seem to try to sabotage yourself. Is it a lack of willpower against foods you love/ miss? You can find substitutes for those foods that are better for you and wont make you feel bad about yourself if you do end up binging.
    Is it more of an emotional thing, like boredom? Or is it a confidence and self consciousness issue?

    Either way, dont beat yourself up about it. Everyone slips up, and its what you do AFTER slipping up that matters.
    YES! I will find the "newbie" thread and join - actually, might be faster if you could point me in the right direction? Open arms are good And so are reminders to get right back up when we fall.
    Last edited by vintageeats; 06-04-2013 at 05:53 AM.

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