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Thread: How often should we have sex? page 4

  1. #31
    kenn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Well, OD can cause infertility amongst loads of other nasty things (like no libido) so I'd disagree that it's no big deal...

    Are you being facetious or for real? How a couple handles sexual problems can be indicative of the relationship at large...
    We were great til she changed her pill prescription, then we waddled along then she got pregnant and lost it because of estrogen dominance.
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  2. #32
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I get why it would be a great approach, but I think in reality it wouldn't be so straight forward. Relationships in general bring out people's deepest fears and insecurities, and I could imagine that in a polygamous relationship one person would be driven insane with jealousy, while the other one would be perfectly content with the arrangement...
    If this current generation were suddenly forced into polygamy somehow, then yes. But where do these insecurities and jealousies come from? Maybe from the idea that one ought to have a single person to be in love with and who loves him/her just as much in return. Maybe from all the moralistic hangups and notions of ego our culture give us. Those things just aren't present in people who are raised in small, intimate communities where everything is shared and everyone is valued and has an important role to play. The way we live, value is dependent on career, which children are thrown out into the wide world to find on their own, more or less unprepared. They land a crappy job which does not satisfy the basic human need to be an integral part of society, so they try to find a meaningful "place" in someone else's life via a relationship, and invest all their emotional energy into that sort of identity. Anyway, I'm going way off course here.
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  3. #33
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    Quote Originally Posted by kenn View Post
    We were great til she changed her pill prescription, then we waddled along then she got pregnant and lost it because of estrogen dominance.
    Shit man - I'm really sorry to hear that. Possibly her loss of libido is emotional too. Losing a baby can be really traumatic.

    I'm sure you've tried to talk things through already, so it might be worth considering couples counselling. Would be a waste not to fight for something great.

    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpycakes View Post
    If this current generation were suddenly forced into polygamy somehow, then yes. But where do these insecurities and jealousies come from? Maybe from the idea that one ought to have a single person to be in love with and who loves him/her just as much in return. Maybe from all the moralistic hangups and notions of ego our culture give us. Those things just aren't present in people who are raised in small, intimate communities where everything is shared and everyone is valued and has an important role to play. The way we live, value is dependent on career, which children are thrown out into the wide world to find on their own, more or less unprepared. They land a crappy job which does not satisfy the basic human need to be an integral part of society, so they try to find a meaningful "place" in someone else's life via a relationship, and invest all their emotional energy into that sort of identity. Anyway, I'm going way off course here.
    It's a relavant tangent

    It's a good point: it's difficult to know how different or similar people would be to how they are now if you removed all the social conditioning. I'd suspect however, that we wouldn't be as enlightened as all that. Jealousy, and the desire for power, run deeply within the psyche. Even dogs experience jealousy (though it could be argued that this is due to domestication).

    Also, I think sometimes monogamy is not a social constraint, but the expression of a genuine bond. There are animals who mate for life too.

    Saying that, it would be interesting to have a society where everything was allowed, but given how immature our society is it would probably all end in Shakespearean-style tears...
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  4. #34
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    to answer the first question: each person in a relationship (however that is formed) should work together to find the right frequency where both parties are happy with the resultant "sex life."

    there are so many factors that go into an individual's "hang ups" around sex. when i say "hang ups" i don't just mean things stopping people from having sex, but also things like you describe -- your ex being upset that you didn't want to have sex all day long or whatever is also a form of hang up. THere are cultural reasons, social reasons, personality type what nots, family crap, personal crap, and just general stupidity.

    I put myself in this category, yo. I got all kinds of weird hang ups and i haven't met a person yet who doesnt' have something weird going on in relationship to sex.

    in the end, you find a partner (or several or whatever) and you work out your shit together. hopefully, along the way you have a good time.

    we do.

  5. #35
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    Gotta agree with zoebird here. There's an quote I've always liked:

    “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”
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  6. #36
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    Also, Dr OZ says men should have sex at least 700 times a year (according to men's health article on the matter).

    Assuming a gal doesn't want to do the deed for 12 weeks out of the year due to red tent experiences, that means that "on" weeks would be 16 times per week.

    Apparently no one has studied what women need for health. I couldn't find any on google anyway.
    Last edited by zoebird; 06-01-2013 at 05:43 PM.

  7. #37
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    Also, Dr OZ says men should have sex at least 4 times a week for health, supposedly based on some study. But, apparently there haven't been any studies about how often women should have sex for health, because why would anyone study women anyway?
    Here you go:

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  8. #38
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    Quote Originally Posted by RitaRose View Post
    Gotta agree with zoebird here. There's an quote I've always liked:

    “We’re all a little weird. And life is a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall into mutually satisfying weirdness—and call it love—true love.”
    - Robert Fulghum
    LOL, this is so true. And in 25 years we've been through all manner of weirdness. Differences in appetite have almost always been due to something going on in the relationship and not due to something innate. It's a lot harder, though, to face up to relationship issues than it is to blame something vague and external.
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  9. #39
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    I'm not really one to be taken seriously or given any validity to when it comes to this issue, but - and I would probably change my mind if I were actually in this situation - I possibly wouldn't have a problem with my partner paying for a "professional" if we he was dying for sex and I wasn't willing to participate for some reason. To me it would just seem like a business transaction... People pay to have their naked bodies touched all the time (massages) and this would just be a little extra...

  10. #40
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    Quote Originally Posted by Derpamix View Post
    Here you go:

    PNAS | Mobile
    sadly, this study does not indicate how much sex a woman needs for her health every week.

    It simply studies how llamas ovulation is affected by seminal fluid -- which isn't exactly a study of female, human health. Likewise, it focuses on how the male acts on the female, not what the female is and/or may need independently.

    So, no.

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