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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Part of my problem is that in those first few months I'm very up for it, and I'm very... generous! But once a few months passes the steaminess of first lust starts wearing off for me, and the previous level of intimacy (a lot) isn't sustainable.
    This is actually very common. Most people start out messing around like bunnies in heat, then it slows down a little when the novelty wears off. For some, it only slows down a little, and for others, it slows down a lot more. That's where you have to be either on the the same wavelength or both of you be willing to compromise a little. But the changing amount isn't really the big problem...

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    But then the guy notices a difference, gets demanding, starts complaining, I get turned off... vicious cycle.
    THIS is the bigger issue.

    I would say the same thing regardless of gender or orientation. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with a partner. If someone is "demanding" or "complaining" instead of maybe trying to make an environment more conducive to what they want when I'm trying to at least compromise, then I'd basically say "Thank you for showing me how you really are" and I'd bail.

    I just think it goes deeper than just wanting sex and whining about it constantly.
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  2. #22
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    Still, the problem is trying to cram a person's particular preference for a relationship under either of those two labels. Monogamy: "I AM SO FAITHFUL TO YOU THAT IT HURTS." Polygamy: "WHEEEEE *HUMP HUMP HUMP* so lonely..." Probably the more natural human relationship could be described as having a main partner with whom you share a deep emotional bond, and other partners with whom things are more or less just physical. Of course pregnancy is a problem. But the book talks about HG cultures who have the notion of shared paternity, that all the semen a woman receives, even after conception, goes towards forming the baby, so all the men involved with the woman care for the baby. Interesting to think how that might be applied to our society.
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  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    I'm aware that sex is always an explosive topic, so I'd just like to say at the start that I genuinely want to hear other people's perspectives and I hope that we can all learn from each other...!

    When you're in a relationship with someone, what do you think is a reasonable amount to have sex?

    I ask because when I was in a long term relationship my SO wanted to have sex once or twice a day. For the first year or whatever I was up for it, but after that I would have been happy with five nights a week. BUT, the SO always took me not wanting to have sex as a personal slight; would guilt trip me etc; and most of the time I ended up having sex with him when I didn't want to: purely cos' he was giving me grief. If any other women have done this, you'll know it's a horrible feeling. Ultimately it was very destructive for me, him, and our relationship.

    I didn't really think about it for a few years, til a recent conversation with someone who described a similar scenario. Then I started thinking of other women who recounted similar situations: all of them mentioning how crabby their boyfriends get if they don't get sex when they want it (which seems to be most of the time )

    So, ladies and gents, do you believe that men and women have inherently different libidos, and if so, what is the way of navigating this in a relationship?
    If you don't want to take care of your SO's needs then break up with him and allow him to find happiness. Or allow him to sleep with other women. Or figure out why you have no libido.
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  4. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpycakes View Post
    Still, the problem is trying to cram a person's particular preference for a relationship under either of those two labels. Monogamy: "I AM SO FAITHFUL TO YOU THAT IT HURTS." Polygamy: "WHEEEEE *HUMP HUMP HUMP* so lonely..." Probably the more natural human relationship could be described as having a main partner with whom you share a deep emotional bond, and other partners with whom things are more or less just physical. Of course pregnancy is a problem. But the book talks about HG cultures who have the notion of shared paternity, that all the semen a woman receives, even after conception, goes towards forming the baby, so all the men involved with the woman care for the baby. Interesting to think how that might be applied to our society.
    I get why it would be a great approach, but I think in reality it wouldn't be so straight forward. Relationships in general bring out people's deepest fears and insecurities, and I could imagine that in a polygamous relationship one person would be driven insane with jealousy, while the other one would be perfectly content with the arrangement...

    Quote Originally Posted by RitaRose View Post
    I would say the same thing regardless of gender or orientation. Sex is one of the most intimate things you can do with a partner. If someone is "demanding" or "complaining" instead of maybe trying to make an environment more conducive to what they want when I'm trying to at least compromise, then I'd basically say "Thank you for showing me how you really are" and I'd bail.

    I just think it goes deeper than just wanting sex and whining about it constantly.
    Yeah, good point. Probably goes deeper on both sides too... If I'm to be totally honest, being the temptress initially is probably my way of trying to captivate the guy. Not to say I don't like having loads of sex, but maybe I've played up to it in the past.

    Quote Originally Posted by kenn View Post
    If you don't want to take care of your SO's needs then break up with him and allow him to find happiness. Or allow him to sleep with other women. Or figure out why you have no libido.
    Dear Kenn,

    The relationship I'm referring to was five years ago, and I did break up with the SO, who subsequently did find happiness. I have no sex drive right now because of a hormonal imbalance (oestrogen dominance) and borderline hypothyroidism.

    Thanks for your concern.
    Last edited by YogaBare; 06-01-2013 at 10:58 AM.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  5. #25
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    Good that's all a man can ask for.

    My fiance has estrogen dominance and is being bullheaded about the topic. Her OBGYN acted like it was no big deal. I have serious concerns about this relationship moving forward.
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  6. #26
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    If I ruled the world the answer would be never. So far so good. The whole taking 2 hours thing really turned me off the whole thing completely. That and the let me get you off first so I can rub you raw for 2 more hours thing. Thank god old men kind fall apart after a while. If you can keep them away from the Viagra you can keep the skin in your nethers.
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  7. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by kenn View Post
    Good that's all a man can ask for.

    My fiance has estrogen dominance and is being bullheaded about the topic. Her OBGYN acted like it was no big deal. I have serious concerns about this relationship moving forward.
    Well, OD can cause infertility amongst loads of other nasty things (like no libido) so I'd disagree that it's no big deal...

    Are you being facetious or for real? How a couple handles sexual problems can be indicative of the relationship at large...


    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    If I ruled the world the answer would be never. So far so good. The whole taking 2 hours thing really turned me off the whole thing completely. That and the let me get you off first so I can rub you raw for 2 more hours thing. Thank god old men kind fall apart after a while. If you can keep them away from the Viagra you can keep the skin in your nethers.
    You can always count on shhikes to make people want to die by 45
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #28
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    Once a day minimum, preferably 3 times a day on average.
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  9. #29
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    I think that probably most couples are matched at the start then change. Either your priorities change, you break up or you find someone on the side. Just make sure on the side sex knows the drill lol, and doesn't come try and kick your wife out.

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  10. #30
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    Quote Originally Posted by sbhikes View Post
    The whole taking 2 hours thing really turned me off the whole thing completely. That and the let me get you off first so I can rub you raw for 2 more hours thing. Thank god old men kind fall apart after a while. If you can keep them away from the Viagra you can keep the skin in your nethers.
    ::snort::

    I'm only laughing because it's so very true!
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