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  1. #11
    Grumpycakes's Avatar
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    Men and women don't have different libidos, individuals do. Read the book Sex at Dawn and you will realize that if your boyfriend wants sex more than you do, it is a perfectly cromulent solution to allow him to get some on the side. I am absolutely serious.
    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

  2. #12
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    How often should we have sex?
    Chance would be a fine thing...

  3. #13
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    Since it's different for everyone there's obviously no way to answer this.

    I would have sex every day or several times a day if I could make it take 5-10-15 minutes. My husband likes his sex like he's smoking some ribs on the bbq....low and slow. I don't really care to devote two hours a day every frigging day to having sex. I like wham bam thank you ma'am just fine sometimes, and have told him that. Just give it to me, babe. No half hour of foreplay and half hour of cuddling afterwards Every. Single. Effing. Time.

    My husband has turned down blow jobs many many times because he didn't want a quickie, he wanted the whole naked in bed skin on skin experience instead. Sorry, but 2 hours a day for sex is just......not doable on the daily.

    I know, I know.....such terrible problems.

    Oh.....and guilting someone into having sex is shitty. End of story. Go fap off and get the hell over yourself.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpycakes View Post
    Men and women don't have different libidos, individuals do. Read the book Sex at Dawn and you will realize that if your boyfriend wants sex more than you do, it is a perfectly cromulent solution to allow him to get some on the side. I am absolutely serious.
    I would agree with you on this; however, it's me who wants it more than the once a month or less he's willing and he would never entertain my getting some on the side, not in a million years.

  5. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by CarbDodger View Post
    its the pressure rather than the amount of sex that's the problem.
    Hubby and me have sex most days although this last 10 months with this cancer and surgery business there have been long periods of none and no interest in it from me. Saying that though when I've felt motivated or have energy enough I've used the randomly applied BJ to good effect! Its not his fault and I didn't want him to 'suffer' and he's certainly worth 1/2 hour of my time.
    When i was younger I had a relationship that involved pressure and i found it put me off; he wasn't very good either which made it worse. Too much trouble and aggravation; I don't really like high maintenance egos much
    Quote Originally Posted by Pebbles67 View Post
    ^+1

    Both partners have to be willing to take a "not tonight" without insult, but on the other side both need to be willing to do it at times when they don't feel like it, without showing it. My husband and I have had our issues, especially when I was very unhealthy. I have learned that for him, having sex often, tells him that I still love him and want him after 23 years. He has learned not to hurt my feelings if he wants to get some that night.

    The really funny thing is that I am Primal and he is not. Now he is having a hard time keeping up with this sex kitten. The man needs to get with the program!
    Quote Originally Posted by RitaRose View Post
    Everyone is different. Some people think 3 or 4 times a day isn't enough while others are just fine with 3 or 4 times a year. And even with an individual, it's going to be more or less for them depending on whether they're busy, stressed, sick, bored, happy, depressed or any other of a thousand different things.

    If you and your partner aren't compatible, you can either compromise (BOTH of you...) or keep looking.

    And I agree with CarbDodger that a BJ is a good thing when you're not in the mood. But some women hate them, so...
    Part of my problem is that in those first few months I'm very up for it, and I'm very... generous! But once a few months passes the steaminess of first lust starts wearing off for me, and the previous level of intimacy (a lot) isn't sustainable. But then the guy notices a difference, gets demanding, starts complaining, I get turned off... vicious cycle.
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by lemontwisst View Post
    I would agree with you on this; however, it's me who wants it more than the once a month or less he's willing and he would never entertain my getting some on the side, not in a million years.
    I have a very bad feeling about your relationship, sorry to say. Best case scenario is if you two do low-carb Primal together. If so, let him eat his carbs so he can get his libido back. Healthy men want sex more than once a month. .
    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpycakes View Post
    Men and women don't have different libidos, individuals do. Read the book Sex at Dawn and you will realize that if your boyfriend wants sex more than you do, it is a perfectly cromulent solution to allow him to get some on the side. I am absolutely serious.
    Umm... really? Should relationships begin with a disclaimer?!

    Maybe I just won't ever tell them about that book...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Umm... really? Should relationships begin with a disclaimer?!

    Maybe I just won't ever tell them about that book...
    You can get some on the side, too. It's a very enlightening read. The whole commitment thing we force ourselves into is silly and contrary to our nature.
    You lousy kids! Get off my savannah!

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by Grumpycakes View Post
    You can get some on the side, too. It's a very enlightening read. The whole commitment thing we force ourselves into is silly and contrary to our nature.
    A few years ago I felt the same way. Now I think that both models (monogamy and polygamy) can be overly idealistic. Polygamy might suit some people, but for others it would be really hard work. A pit of mind games and stalkings... Similarly monogamy isn't for everyone. But most people don't know what's right for them til they try it, and by then they're locked into something...
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by little vase View Post
    Since it's different for everyone there's obviously no way to answer this.

    My husband likes his sex like he's smoking some ribs on the bbq....low and slow....I like wham bam thank you ma'am just fine sometimes, and have told him that. Just give it to me, babe...

    My husband has turned down blow jobs many many times because he didn't want a quickie, he wanted the whole naked in bed skin on skin experience instead...
    OMG this cracked me up. I have the same issues with my husband, but you said it so well.

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