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Thread: So, why men won't lift weights? page 56

  1. #551
    magnolia1973's Avatar
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    I think the problem is that at what point to you change from fat slob jacking up insurance into acceptable human that is healthy? Realize that for some people especially women that line may have them not looking great in a bikini and that the next step, looking good in that bikini might not be a net positive for health.

    That pic that annoyed me- the woman is not 300 lbs. I'm gonna put her in the 160-180 weight class. She probably wears a 10/12. So, she is representative of a good chunk of women. I'm going to bet we have similar body fat %'s, her fat is in her stomach area, mine is on my limbs. Now, I keep a healthy lifestyle. I've gone over it here a couple of times. I used to be a lot fatter. People were mean, treatment was different. Trust me, no one is actually *nice* to the obese (women) in the US in a meaningful way. That weight prevented me from getting jobs and really living a truly full life. And maybe it was deserved as I was hurting my health.

    OK, so then you know, I woke and said "Arby's is a bad idea, as is Hardees". That was some odd 20 years ago. I'm not sure what my motivation was.... maybe it was my classmates that wrote on my locker "Maggie is a Whale" in college. Maybe it was the moo's from the frat boys when I walked past their house on my way to educate myself. Maybe it was the girls really trying to keep their distance from associating with the fat chick. I don't really know, but you know what, there was plenty of criticism of my fat and certainly not any acceptance.

    So I got my shit together and spent some odd 15 years trying to make it work. The first 50lbs were easy to lose. The next 50 were brutal. I could make you a list of shit I did in the quest to be "socially acceptable level of fat". There were pills, exercise, vomiting, more exercise, and a lot of cycles of starving, then eating. ALl served with a healthy dose of self hatred. I got down to a sort of "acceptable" weight and size (well, out of plus sizes at least) and as I crossed the line of a marathon, quite an achievement for an "unhealthy body", what crossed my mind was that people probably thought my thighs are fucking gross and I hoped no one would make a comment about my weight to ruin my day like so many other days had been ruined.

    So finally, I find the holy grail of Primal Eating + Cross Fit. And I get my body smaller than it was since I was like 11. And I'm happy because I feel great and IMO, look great. Then I look around at all the women smaller then me bitching and moaning about looking fat. Then someone puts up a pic of a body not too far off from mine and is all "she should not flaunt herself, she is unhealthy". And so here I am, back to the same place I was in college, hearing the same damn message that I need to just go hide myself until I am a size 2, thanks.

    But now, instead of going and crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's, I just say fuck you. I spent half my useful time on earth worried about offending someone with my ass size. And let me tell you, being offended or not thinking I (or a woman like me) should be wearing a bikini on the beach because we are a poor example of health or somehow making it OK to be "unhealthy" is BULLSHIT. So you know what, I don't care anymore. Feel free to come moo at me, I have a damn good left hook these days.

    But why I really care is because I know there is some 200lbwoman or a 300lb woman reading this. She's probably scared to go to the beach and wear a swimsuit or wanting to join a gym but afraid of the "judgement". Maybe she just wants to wear a sexy dress instead of a dumpy fat person ok outfit. I want that girl to know that yup, we can all improve our bodies. But stop hiding yourself and start living like you would live if you had an amazing body. Yes, use some common sense in dressing, but if you want a bikini to get some sun on your tummy, go find one in your size and wear it. If it's 90 out, feel free to wear shorts to your running group. Go kayaking if you want. Eat healthy foods without apology. If at the end of your hard work out, you are light headed and need a banana, EAT ONE without feeling "sinful". Don't apologize for eating the occasional dessert. It's not like you kicked a baby. Respect your body, eat good food, move a lot, your health will get better.

    BTW, the same goes for men. You are more than the muscle you can build. Don't apologize or be ashamed if you are weak, just keep working at it.

    And if you are lucky to have a great body, congrats. You know though, a kind word, some encouraging advice or just being supportive is a lot more useful than just sitting in judgement of those with lesser bodies.

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  2. #552
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    Quote Originally Posted by quikky View Post
    Seriously? I've never been to Asia, is that really a normal occurrence there
    Oh man, this evenings happenings were so timely, here's an example from dinner, before I forget...

    Family dinner. Wife's brother walks in. Wife tells me loudly, "oh look how fat he got" (5lb over). I try to sush her, unsuccessfully. As a greeting to him she exclaims joyfully "hey I thought your wife was having the baby, you too?!". Bam public shame. He countered later in the evening by patting her belly "you having a baby too?" (wife is 124lb and realizes she needs to lose 4lb). So public shame on her too bwahaha! But now she will do something about it this coming week.

    They didn't screw with me, they did that last year pre-paleo.

    It's a blast, they definitely keep it real.

  3. #553
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    Quote Originally Posted by magnolia1973 View Post
    I think the problem is that at what point to you change from fat slob jacking up insurance into acceptable human that is healthy? Realize that for some people especially women that line may have them not looking great in a bikini and that the next step, looking good in that bikini might not be a net positive for health.

    That pic that annoyed me- the woman is not 300 lbs. I'm gonna put her in the 160-180 weight class. She probably wears a 10/12. So, she is representative of a good chunk of women. I'm going to bet we have similar body fat %'s, her fat is in her stomach area, mine is on my limbs. Now, I keep a healthy lifestyle. I've gone over it here a couple of times. I used to be a lot fatter. People were mean, treatment was different. Trust me, no one is actually *nice* to the obese (women) in the US in a meaningful way. That weight prevented me from getting jobs and really living a truly full life. And maybe it was deserved as I was hurting my health.

    OK, so then you know, I woke and said "Arby's is a bad idea, as is Hardees". That was some odd 20 years ago. I'm not sure what my motivation was.... maybe it was my classmates that wrote on my locker "Maggie is a Whale" in college. Maybe it was the moo's from the frat boys when I walked past their house on my way to educate myself. Maybe it was the girls really trying to keep their distance from associating with the fat chick. I don't really know, but you know what, there was plenty of criticism of my fat and certainly not any acceptance.

    So I got my shit together and spent some odd 15 years trying to make it work. The first 50lbs were easy to lose. The next 50 were brutal. I could make you a list of shit I did in the quest to be "socially acceptable level of fat". There were pills, exercise, vomiting, more exercise, and a lot of cycles of starving, then eating. ALl served with a healthy dose of self hatred. I got down to a sort of "acceptable" weight and size (well, out of plus sizes at least) and as I crossed the line of a marathon, quite an achievement for an "unhealthy body", what crossed my mind was that people probably thought my thighs are fucking gross and I hoped no one would make a comment about my weight to ruin my day like so many other days had been ruined.

    So finally, I find the holy grail of Primal Eating + Cross Fit. And I get my body smaller than it was since I was like 11. And I'm happy because I feel great and IMO, look great. Then I look around at all the women smaller then me bitching and moaning about looking fat. Then someone puts up a pic of a body not too far off from mine and is all "she should not flaunt herself, she is unhealthy". And so here I am, back to the same place I was in college, hearing the same damn message that I need to just go hide myself until I am a size 2, thanks.

    But now, instead of going and crying into a pint of Ben and Jerry's, I just say fuck you. I spent half my useful time on earth worried about offending someone with my ass size. And let me tell you, being offended or not thinking I (or a woman like me) should be wearing a bikini on the beach because we are a poor example of health or somehow making it OK to be "unhealthy" is BULLSHIT. So you know what, I don't care anymore. Feel free to come moo at me, I have a damn good left hook these days.

    But why I really care is because I know there is some 200lbwoman or a 300lb woman reading this. She's probably scared to go to the beach and wear a swimsuit or wanting to join a gym but afraid of the "judgement". Maybe she just wants to wear a sexy dress instead of a dumpy fat person ok outfit. I want that girl to know that yup, we can all improve our bodies. But stop hiding yourself and start living like you would live if you had an amazing body. Yes, use some common sense in dressing, but if you want a bikini to get some sun on your tummy, go find one in your size and wear it. If it's 90 out, feel free to wear shorts to your running group. Go kayaking if you want. Eat healthy foods without apology. If at the end of your hard work out, you are light headed and need a banana, EAT ONE without feeling "sinful". Don't apologize for eating the occasional dessert. It's not like you kicked a baby. Respect your body, eat good food, move a lot, your health will get better.

    BTW, the same goes for men. You are more than the muscle you can build. Don't apologize or be ashamed if you are weak, just keep working at it.

    And if you are lucky to have a great body, congrats. You know though, a kind word, some encouraging advice or just being supportive is a lot more useful than just sitting in judgement of those with lesser bodies.
    Absolutely. I was overweight all my adult life. Even when I did speedskating and got an enormous amount of exercise, I was heavy. I recall talking with the coach about it, and he said he didn't have any recommendations he could give me, because I ate the best diet on the team. Real meals, meat, vegetables, and fruit.

    After I gave up gluten a decade ago I didn't lose any weight, and I wasn't eating any gluten substitutes.

    If people say I'm lying, I don't care.

    A rock-climbing injury is a rare occurrence. Serious bicycling injuries happen all the time.

  4. #554
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    Quote Originally Posted by KimchiNinja View Post
    Oh man, this evenings happenings were so timely, here's an example from dinner, before I forget...

    Family dinner. Wife's brother walks in. Wife tells me loudly, "oh look how fat he got" (5lb over). I try to sush her, unsuccessfully. As a greeting to him she exclaims joyfully "hey I thought your wife was having the baby, you too?!". Bam public shame. He countered later in the evening by patting her belly "you having a baby too?" (wife is 124lb and realizes she needs to lose 4lb). So public shame on her too bwahaha! But now she will do something about it this coming week.

    They didn't screw with me, they did that last year pre-paleo.

    It's a blast, they definitely keep it real.
    Korean Recovery Room Portraits - ANIMAL

  5. #555
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    Quote Originally Posted by katiepotato View Post
    The best example I can think of being an enquiry from a colleague from the Philippines as to what I was doing to make my stomach flatter, shortly followed by a comment that it was good I'd done so because "you were very fat before." Not incorrect, but not usually something that I'd expect a work colleague to be so direct about!
    Classic!

    I walked into a KR company dinner meeting. Was addressed by a female, of younger age, and lower corporate rank "you gained your weight", the whole table could hear. The whole table nodded agreement.

    LOL. Now I mention her gender and age because you DO NOT address a male in a higher income bracket in this sort of disrespectful tone in NE Asia. Had it been any other topic she would have received a royal verbal lashing and might as well just start looking for another job. But calling a senior colleague a fat ass? Oh that's perfectly acceptable!!!

    Another time I was interviewing my CPA friend from Beijing, trying to get her into the company. She hadn't seen me in years and exclaimed "you gained weight", I changed the subject but she added "around your waist". Jezus, I am interviewing you for crying out loud!!! She didn't get the job.

    To be honest though, accurate feedback prompted me to correct the problem. I'm now 40 and in the best shape of my life.

    Quote Originally Posted by katiepotato View Post
    We also have an office in Hong Kong, and I don't even bother going into the clothes shops when I'm over there as from past experience I will be greeted either with the statement that they have NOTHING which will fit me, or asked very loudly if I would like an EXTRA LARGE.
    This is soooo Asian.

    An expat said he went into the hospital and asked for a test, girl exclaimed *loudly* "AIDS?! YOU WANTA AIDS TESTAH?". Everyone in the waiting room looked over and assumed he had AIDS.

    Nice.

  6. #556
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    I got verbal abuse my entire life for my weight and my appearance from children at school, from parents and grandparents and strangers. Back then there was only one fat girl in school and at least it wasn't me. And yet I still got abuse for being, as it was painstakingly explained on a daily basis, fat and ugly.

    In my adult life, all the physical activity in the world has never made me thin. And believe me, I've gone to some extremes when it comes to physical activity.

    On the subject of fast food, I once lost 35lbs eating fast food every day at Carl's Jr. and Taco Bell. On the flip side, I have gone decades without eating any fast food and never had a miraculous weight loss.

    My skinny grandmother died at age 63. My skinny grandfather died at age 59. My other skinny grandfather died at age 70. My fat grandmother died at age 83. Even though I have battled weight my entire life, I have never broken a bone or sprained an ankle, never had a major illness, rarely ever got sick even before Primal, I've been ripped off my entire life on sick leave at work as well as the health insurance I never use. I'm built like a truck. Made to last. Cottage cheese thighs will come in handy as I'm eeking out the final months on my death bed, which will be at home when I'm 100 years old, not in a hospital.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Current squat: 180 x 2. Current Deadlift: 230 x 2

  7. #557
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    Pressuring people to lose weight is also a good way to create eating disorders.

  8. #558
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    Quote Originally Posted by 70in2012 View Post
    Pick up a statistical inference textbook.And then read about tail risk probabilities.
    And then engage in intelligent discussion.

    I know the underlying problem is a bit too difficult to discuss scientifically. So i would rather have a bit of fun.
    You're trying too hard to sound smart, and at the same time trying to make me appear stupid. These are symptoms of pseudointellectuals and/or douches.

  9. #559
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    magnolia1973 is online now Senior Member
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    Oh...by the way, the reality is that the way we treat obese people has nothing, not a thing to do with concern about their health. No one in college was mean to me because they were afraid I'd get diabetes. Because they were nice to the really fat guy that smoked and drank. I mean, end of the day the 1-2-3 trinity of a man smoking, drinking and being morbidly obese is probably the same cost to society as the morbidly obese woman.

    The whole "cost of medical care" excuse for being mean to people isn't worth arguing because that's not really why we mock and treat obese people poorly. So whether care for smokers, junk food eaters or extreme athletes is a higher cost for society doesn't matter. We don't plaster pics of "fat Kim Kardashian" all over TMZ because we are worried about her heart health. We weren't nasty about Princess Sarah Ferguson because she was pricier to provide health care for than Princess Diana.

    We as a society are nasty to fat people because we need someone to be nasty about to make up for our own insecurities and question ourselves and like that minimally, there are people that we are "superior" to.... whether its appearance, morals or smarts. Fat and Ugly, Fat and Stupid, Fat and Lazy.

    So at least admit that when you roll your eyes or judge some fat chick in a bikini to be somehow "inherently" less than you, that you aren't doing it because you care about her health or because by some calculus, she costs you more tax dollars than the one next to her with an ED and some leaky fake boobs.

    http://maggiesfeast.wordpress.com/
    Check out my blog. Hope to share lots of great recipes and ideas!

  10. #560
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    Quite honestly (and I'm going to come off like a total asshole here) I think fat people are amusing and stupid. And I'm not talking about someone who is 10-40lbs heavy. I'm talking about the 50+ lbs overweight people. If you truly don't care about yourself enough to not get that fat and unhealthy, then why should I care about you? Same for people who smoke cigarettes or engage in other similar activities. People know the risks, but engage in the activity anyway. I feel that way across the board. Skydiving is awesome, but I don't feel bad for the guy who gets hurt or dies doing it. He knew the risks.
    I have a lot of hard miles on my body from before I realized I'm not 100% invulnerable. Now I just think I'm 75% invulnerable. -Mr. Anthony

    Give me a spouse/life-partner who I don't want to punch in the throat when she talks. -Canio6

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