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    ShannonPA-S's Avatar
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    Exclamation Incredible amounts of stress and now severe pain (sorry, long)

    Primal Blueprint Expert Certification
    I will preface this by saying that I am not eating primally right now. I have in the past, and look to this board for wisdom. I usually read without posting, but I'm beside myself.

    I have had a very rough year. I had a baby a little over a year ago (my second) by c-section. Five days after delivery, I was readmitted for sepsis. Thankfully, I survived, though I was away from my baby and my daughter for a week. Of course, with sepsis, I was given huge amounts of antibiotics. My husband was only home from work one week after I was discharged. Then I was to fend for me and the kids. I had not recovered at all and was still exhausted. Stupid me decided that pumping breast milk was more important than healing my body. I will never forget my doctor's words, "Your baby will be okay if you give him formula; he will not be okay if you die. Stop the pumping or I will throw it out the window. You need to rest." But, alas, I didn't until he was about 3 months old. Then, just 8 weeks after I had the baby, I finished my clinical rotations for PA school and graduated. Then the real hell began as I accepted a job in thoracic surgery for outpatient clinic. However, once I started in November, they decided they wanted me in the operating room, on the inpatient floor, on consults, and in outpatient clinic. My hours were grueling and I became very depressed and anxious. In January, I tried several antidepressants, which I could not tolerate. I still take Ativan for the anxiety at night because sometimes I can't sleep. At the end of January, I told my superiors that I could not do the job they were requiring because my kids are too important to me and I was working 60+ hours/week. They said I could stay with them until I found a new job. Yet 3 weeks after this, they said I was doing so well, they wanted me to stay in the outpatient clinic capacity role for which I was hired. I agreed, not knowing I'd still be working 60+ hours/week. By February, I was completely exhausted. I was hardly able to work, though I kept plodding away. I would drive home crying every day. I had no energy for my kids. I had gained 30 pounds! in 4 months, even eating very little -- mostly likely due to excessive coffee intake (always my vice), but also stress. I started looking for another job. I (thankfully) found one in a holistic family practice, which I will start on June 3. Until then I am off for a break.

    In any event, during this entire time, my marriage completely collapsed as well (it was never great). My husband has proven to be a very unreliable provider (read: got himself fired for tardiness while I was in PA school and then blamed it on me/our daughter/everything else). Initially after I graduated, I said I would solely work until our youngest was 18 months and the job I had would have provided a sufficient income for him to stay home. But I had to quit that job for the aforementioned reasons. He is absolutely refusing to get a job (his exact words, "I'm not getting a job until you actually prove you'll stay at this one"). Additionally, there is no intimacy, no loving feelings, nothing. Just criticism. His words to me are so harsh that my 4.5 year old daughter looks at me with a look of pain on her face. I cannot let my kids see this! He is so mean and critical. He's even critical to them. He calls our 13 month old son a PITA, a moron, and "the worst baby ever" because he's still not sleeping through the night. My daughter was eating something the other day and he said, "Take it away from her! She has no control" (which is not true...she regulates her eating more than any other kid her age I've seen). I know he's tired and sleep deprived too. The worst part to me, though, is that he spends at least 5 hours/day playing fantasy sports instead of spending time with his kids or bettering himself. He then stays up until 3 am and gets angry if one of the kids awakens before 8. I don't know who this person is anymore. I am strongly considering divorce.

    So, this present day, I am in so much pain especially my knees, hips, thighs, and feet. This started 3 weeks ago. Even more, is the weakness that I feel. I cannot stand up out of a chair without using my arms for assistance. If anything, I have lost weight in the last 3 weeks, so it can't be sudden weight causing this. I saw my holistic MD yesterday and he did labs, so I don't know the results of those yet. I also have chronic yeast infections now, which I never had before. This started after the mega-dose antibiotics for the sepsis. I feel hopeless. I can't believe the pain I'm in. My doctor said it's a stress response, likely adrenal exhaustion.

    I'm so scared. I need to get better. I start a new job in 1.5 weeks. I need a plan of action. My doctor said I must sleep. However, my son wakes up a lot and then wants to sleep with me (so then I sleep light). I just have this guilty conscious because I feel like I missed so much time with him when I was working so much, so I let him sleep with me. Also, both of my kids want me, me, me. I don't know if it's because my husband is mean or because I was working so much. And, again, the guilt factor kicks in. The only reason I'm up this late is because I can't sleep due the pain. I just tried to sit on the floor and meditate, but I cannot get comfortable in any position. Then I got up and started crying because of the pain. The emotional and now the physical pain. So I decided to write this while a pain pill kicks in (yes, I've resorted to taking a 1/2 of Vicodin when the pain wakes me like this).

    My doctor hugged me yesterday and said, "You will be okay. I know you. You're nothing if not resilient." He's right. He knows me so well. But I want this pain to go away and my strength in my legs to come back and my energy to return -- it's been so long since I felt well. He did acupuncture to balance my autonomic nervous system...I feel a bit different, but not much. I will see him again next week and we'll look at the results of my blood tests. In all, I think he drew thyroid panel (all), cortisol, DHEA, candida titers, CBC, Iron studies, B12, CRP, sed rate, and maybe some more. (As an aside, I do have Hashi's, but my last labs were fine).

    I need a plan of action. I need to know what I need to do for the next week. I'm very sad and discouraged. Instead of viewing myself as a survivor, I just feel like this woman who is in so much pain emotionally and physically. My poor doctor had never seen me break down before and he started tearing up. I am a mess. I hope someone can help me as to where to start.

    Thank you, in the event that you actually read this. I appreciate it.

    Shannon

  2. #2
    zoebird's Avatar
    zoebird is offline Senior Member
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    I suggest seeing a practitioner of any sort who can work on posture with you. I know it sounds crazy, but having just completed my level 1 training int he work for the second time (there are 4 levels, but i like to be thorough), it's absolutely life changing.

    Beyond that, i suggest going to your local church or similar organization and getting marriage counseling to see if there's a way to organize and save your marriage.

    Good luck.

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    In regards to the issues with your husband...

    If you are both religious then I suggest you and your husband look to your local religious organizations to see if any that match your beliefs might provide some sort of marriage counciling services.

    If only one or neither of you are particularly religious then I suggest that the two of you seek out a secular psychologist or councilor who specializes in working with married couples.

    You have to be serious bout the counseling however, or he won't be either and with good reason. If you won't put in the effort to save your relationship, why should he?

    Anyway, best of luck to you both!

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    Wow! That is a ton of stress and I feel for you.

    The best advice you probably already know...sleep...you need sleep. Nourishing food, some GOOD vitamins not the crap from wal mart. And some adrenal replacement supplements. Sounds like hubby needs to grow up and grow a pair. You work, raise kids and he justifies playing video games for 5 hours a day. Hum....sounds like you have three kids to me.

    However, divorce is a huge stressor in itself. You have to find someone to watch the kids while you work etc. the guilt is adding to your stress. If you are that tired you are not thinking straight anyway.

    Try to keep it in perspective, you are a provider for your children right now. You don't have an option, stop feeling guilty for it. Kids are resilient and yours are still very young. Try to set a goal for one year from now where you would like to be. Accept the fact that you will be busy but it is not forever. And once you are not so wiped out you will have more energy for them after work. Give it six months. By then the new job will be routine. Get some supplements and food on board and realize it will take a few weeks maybe even a couple of months to feel better.

    The pain will subside once you get the vitamins and healthy food on board and get your adrenals back up to speed. Use whatever it takes to get enough relief to sleep. Sleep with your son if you have to, for now. You may sleep lighter, but if he sleeps longer and you actually get some sleep then that is better than nothing.

    Action plan example would be: Take a deep breath..New job is on the way. Eat some nourishing food, use a crock pot, slow cooker to save time and hassle for at least one meal a day. Or pick one day a week and cook several meals, freeze them, to be reheated by hubby by the time you get home. Pack your lunch, healthy protein, salad, good oils. Work on your sleep, get some pharmaceutical grade vitamins, get an adrenal supplement. Drink water and tea, lay off so much coffee.

    IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT hire a house nanny a couple of times a week to help with the kids and the food if that is an option. For a couple of months at least. It will give you a break and some peace of mind a couple days a week anyway. Tell hubby to get a job or start looking for somewhere else to live.

    Yes he is sleep deprived, but so are you. Yours is from work and raising kids. His is from staying up to late watching video games. Really? If he bitches one more time about not getting to sleep and how terrible the kids are, explain his options. Take the f'ing video game and move out. Explain to him he can play all he wants and sleep when he wants. Of course I am not sure if there are electrical plug ins under bridges, and unless he works or momma takes him in he has not a lot of options. Or you can also tell him if he is not getting a job until you stay at yours, then your not feeding him unless he can pitch in and knock the BS excuses off.

    Do what you have to do and don't put up with any BS. You don't have time for or energy for it. So nip it in the bud now.

    Good luck to you. And remember when someone dumps garbage on your head, you move. Telling them to stop won't make it stop. Physically get out of the way.

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    you poor, poor girl, you are really going through the mill right now and I wish I could hug you myself. You are a bloody survivor, jeez most people would be on their knees, I'm sending you a message
    When I'd had enough of the grain and starched based 'diabetic eating for health' diet (eating for health, my ass!) my weight was 242.5 lbs. On starting primal- 18th April 2013 weight : 238.1.
    27th July 2013. weight after 100 days 136.9 weight lost 101.2lb ; that's 105.6lbs since I stopped the 'diabetic eating for health'
    new journal http://www.marksdailyapple.com/forum...ml#post1264082

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    You need help. Please call someone right away. First things first: Let them mind the children while you sleep.

    You also need to stop working like a maniac, it will kill you.

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    ShannonPA-S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bassgirl51 View Post
    Wow! That is a ton of stress and I feel for you.

    The best advice you probably already know...sleep...you need sleep. Nourishing food, some GOOD vitamins not the crap from wal mart. And some adrenal replacement supplements. Sounds like hubby needs to grow up and grow a pair. You work, raise kids and he justifies playing video games for 5 hours a day. Hum....sounds like you have three kids to me.

    However, divorce is a huge stressor in itself. You have to find someone to watch the kids while you work etc. the guilt is adding to your stress. If you are that tired you are not thinking straight anyway.

    Try to keep it in perspective, you are a provider for your children right now. You don't have an option, stop feeling guilty for it. Kids are resilient and yours are still very young. Try to set a goal for one year from now where you would like to be. Accept the fact that you will be busy but it is not forever. And once you are not so wiped out you will have more energy for them after work. Give it six months. By then the new job will be routine. Get some supplements and food on board and realize it will take a few weeks maybe even a couple of months to feel better.

    The pain will subside once you get the vitamins and healthy food on board and get your adrenals back up to speed. Use whatever it takes to get enough relief to sleep. Sleep with your son if you have to, for now. You may sleep lighter, but if he sleeps longer and you actually get some sleep then that is better than nothing.

    Action plan example would be: Take a deep breath..New job is on the way. Eat some nourishing food, use a crock pot, slow cooker to save time and hassle for at least one meal a day. Or pick one day a week and cook several meals, freeze them, to be reheated by hubby by the time you get home. Pack your lunch, healthy protein, salad, good oils. Work on your sleep, get some pharmaceutical grade vitamins, get an adrenal supplement. Drink water and tea, lay off so much coffee.

    IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT hire a house nanny a couple of times a week to help with the kids and the food if that is an option. For a couple of months at least. It will give you a break and some peace of mind a couple days a week anyway. Tell hubby to get a job or start looking for somewhere else to live.

    Yes he is sleep deprived, but so are you. Yours is from work and raising kids. His is from staying up to late watching video games. Really? If he bitches one more time about not getting to sleep and how terrible the kids are, explain his options. Take the f'ing video game and move out. Explain to him he can play all he wants and sleep when he wants. Of course I am not sure if there are electrical plug ins under bridges, and unless he works or momma takes him in he has not a lot of options. Or you can also tell him if he is not getting a job until you stay at yours, then your not feeding him unless he can pitch in and knock the BS excuses off.

    Do what you have to do and don't put up with any BS. You don't have time for or energy for it. So nip it in the bud now.

    Good luck to you. And remember when someone dumps garbage on your head, you move. Telling them to stop won't make it stop. Physically get out of the way.
    Wow, thank you all for your responses.

    I have a therapist who is incredible. I started seeing her a couple months ago and I will not be without her for any reason. I have to pay out of pocket and that is fine by me. I've learned that the best ones these days don't take insurance. We have been discussing my needs and I have been pushing back toward my husband. The other night when I was getting our daughter ready for bed, he said I could then get our baby ready. I said, "No, you're going to do it. He is tired and I'm busy." I told him to brush his teeth and my husband started yelling at me and then was rough with the baby by holding him down and brushing his teeth to "show me" he wasn't happy. Passive aggression at its finest. I have been trying to sleep in every day. Yesterday, I slept until 11 am without anyone bugging me. But I come out of my room to see my husband slouched over on the couch with my daughter watching tv and the baby crying in his Pack&Play.

    I went to church today and it really lifted my spirits. It's a very open church -- they actually played the Beatles song "Let it Be" today and it really spoke to me. My therapist keeps saying that he I need to just keep making mental notes about my husband's behavior in my mind and keep responding without yelling as I'm doing. I used to lose my temper and now I'm just letting him go on.

    As for our marriage, I cannot see this man as my partner anymore. I know it's sad. He's a child of an overbearing mother and has extreme passive aggressive tendencies. I know divorce will be stressful, but so is living as "angry roommates" as we are now. I guess I'm not really so angry, but he is and it emanates from him. We had marriage counseling before the birth of our son and it really did little to help. He absolutely refuses to seek any kind of spiritual guidance (together or separately). It's sad, in reality. I am a beautiful, loving, kind woman. Granted, I have my flaws (weight issues, sometimes overspending issues). But I am seeking to become better and am looking to grow spiritually. I think my desire to grow and my optimism are what have saved me from falling apart completely.

    At times, I'm sad at what has happened to me; other times I'm overcome with gratitude and joy that I'm alive and not a complete basketcase. My therapist says, "I am sad for your relationship and the pain you're going through; however, I'm so happy for you that you have an education and a charisma about you that will take you places." I don't know about the charisma part, but I do have an education and a spirit that won't quit. No matter what.

    So, I will do my best to rest and "Let it Be." I will go grocery shopping for more healthy foods and have already switched the beans in my espresso maker to water processed organic decaf. I do love the flavor, but I know I don't need the caffeine.

    One big issue I have is this, though: Our house is paid in full and in his name. He used his savings and a loan from his parents to buy it. So if anyone is moving out, unfortunately I think it's me unless there's a way around it.

    I'm going to go back over and re-read everything now. Thank you all again.

  8. #8
    ShannonPA-S's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Annieh View Post
    You need help. Please call someone right away. First things first: Let them mind the children while you sleep.

    You also need to stop working like a maniac, it will kill you.
    Thankfully my daughter is at the in-laws this weekend. And my new job is no more than 40 hours/week. Probably less. So that is covered. Unfortunately, I don't have a lot of family and they're all far away. I am just going to have to keep pushing back on my husband by saying, "Hey, you could get enough sleep, but you keep staying on the computer all night. Sorry you're so tired, but so am I and my body is rebelling. I'm sick and so tired that I can't play with my kids." Sadly, he's that tired to, but he won't even attempt to get enough sleep.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Drumroll View Post
    In regards to the issues with your husband...

    If you are both religious then I suggest you and your husband look to your local religious organizations to see if any that match your beliefs might provide some sort of marriage counciling services.

    If only one or neither of you are particularly religious then I suggest that the two of you seek out a secular psychologist or councilor who specializes in working with married couples.

    You have to be serious bout the counseling however, or he won't be either and with good reason. If you won't put in the effort to save your relationship, why should he?

    Anyway, best of luck to you both!
    You're right about the effort to save the relationship. Sadly, I cannot imagine it getting better. I know it sounds terrible to just say, "I just cannot be in this marriage long-term." But that is where I am right now. I'm still exploring this with my therapist, though. Maybe we can find a way for me to want to be with him again, but truthfully, I feel like he's a child, he's let me down, and needs to grow a pair.

    Thank you, though, for your great advice.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    I suggest seeing a practitioner of any sort who can work on posture with you. I know it sounds crazy, but having just completed my level 1 training int he work for the second time (there are 4 levels, but i like to be thorough), it's absolutely life changing.

    Beyond that, i suggest going to your local church or similar organization and getting marriage counseling to see if there's a way to organize and save your marriage.

    Good luck.
    Is there a name for what you're talking about? Thanks!

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