Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast
Results 21 to 30 of 40

Thread: Incredible amounts of stress and now severe pain (sorry, long) page 3

  1. #21
    sbhikes's Avatar
    sbhikes is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Santa Barbara
    Posts
    8,724
    Shop Now
    He might need the wakeup call of you leaving. Who knows what will happen. Don't let his passive aggressive stuff dictate the terms of your life. Passive aggressive men are the worst to deal with. Good luck to you and take care of yourself.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Highest squat: 167.5 x 2. Current Deadlift: 190 x 3

  2. #22
    ShannonPA-S's Avatar
    ShannonPA-S is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Metro Detroit
    Posts
    616
    Quote Originally Posted by pamola10 View Post
    Hugs, Shannon.

    Don't make assumptions about distribution of property and don't leave your family home....consult with a lawyer before making any move like that. Many states treat property of married people as joint.

    Other than that, you've got some good advice. All I can offer is to remember to breathe! and hug your children often.

    Peace.
    I am definitely going to look into this. Thank you.

  3. #23
    SuBee's Avatar
    SuBee is offline Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    74
    Being rough with a baby because he's angry with you is not "passive aggressive," it's just aggressive. It's abuse. I send you lots of hugs and wish you the best, and I urge you to talk to a lawyer. I know I'm not there and internet advice is worth what you pay for it, but I don't think you and your children can afford to wait while you save up a down payment.

  4. #24
    ShannonPA-S's Avatar
    ShannonPA-S is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    Location
    Metro Detroit
    Posts
    616
    Quote Originally Posted by SuBee View Post
    Being rough with a baby because he's angry with you is not "passive aggressive," it's just aggressive. It's abuse. I send you lots of hugs and wish you the best, and I urge you to talk to a lawyer. I know I'm not there and internet advice is worth what you pay for it, but I don't think you and your children can afford to wait while you save up a down payment.
    Thank you for your comment. That's where I have a hard time. He held him down and forcefully brushed his teeth (otherwise, the baby grabs the toothbrush). But he's never done that specifically before. He usually calls the baby a PITA, stupid, or a moron when he wakes at night when he's very tired (not to his face, but under his breath as he's getting out of bed). For the most part, he's okay with the kids, but sometimes he gets angry. And he can be critical. He criticizes me to my daughter and will also criticize her. And I'm not sure what to make of it. I know it sounds stupid for me to say that. But I'm not sure if its abuse or immaturity on his part (regarding the kids). I'm just sad, because obviously what he's doing isn't right. Yet, he does love his kids. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in such a mess.

  5. #25
    zoebird's Avatar
    zoebird is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    7,935
    Shannon,

    The guy who does it here calls it "postural patterning." I think there's someone else who calls it "symmetry" or something. But looking for someone who specifically works in good posture will be helpful.

    Also, if you are headed for divorce, why not just get one and see if your community (ie, church community) will help you with child care/etc. Seriously, you can just walk away any time.

  6. #26
    zoebird's Avatar
    zoebird is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Pittsburgh, PA
    Posts
    7,935
    i agree with talking to a lawyer. by "leave" I did mean "leave the marriage" not "leave the house."

    though, it is an option to leave for a shelter or family member's home or something. But, yeah. definitely talk to a lawyer ASAP.

  7. #27
    bloodorchid's Avatar
    bloodorchid is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2010
    Location
    tn
    Posts
    8,693
    Quote Originally Posted by ShannonPA-S View Post
    Thank you for your comment. That's where I have a hard time. He held him down and forcefully brushed his teeth (otherwise, the baby grabs the toothbrush). But he's never done that specifically before. He usually calls the baby a PITA, stupid, or a moron when he wakes at night when he's very tired (not to his face, but under his breath as he's getting out of bed). For the most part, he's okay with the kids, but sometimes he gets angry. And he can be critical. He criticizes me to my daughter and will also criticize her. And I'm not sure what to make of it. I know it sounds stupid for me to say that. But I'm not sure if its abuse or immaturity on his part (regarding the kids). I'm just sad, because obviously what he's doing isn't right. Yet, he does love his kids. Sometimes I just feel like I'm in such a mess.
    it's verbal and emotional abuse

    it could be because he's an abuser or it could be because he's self centered and immature, the results are the same regardless
    beautiful
    yeah you are

    I mean there's so many ants in my eyes! And there are so many TVs, microwaves, radios... I think, I can't, I'm not 100% sure what we have here in stock.. I don't know because I can't see anything! Our prices, I hope, aren't too low!

  8. #28
    sbhikes's Avatar
    sbhikes is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2011
    Location
    Santa Barbara
    Posts
    8,724
    Call the Family Services Agency in your area. They can find you low-cost/sliding scale help.
    Female, 5'3", 49, Starting weight: 163lbs. Current weight: 135 (more or less).
    Starting squat: 45lbs. Highest squat: 167.5 x 2. Current Deadlift: 190 x 3

  9. #29
    Lynna's Avatar
    Lynna is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2011
    Location
    Newark, Delaware USA
    Posts
    1,706
    Quote Originally Posted by pamola10 View Post
    Hugs, Shannon.

    Don't make assumptions about distribution of property and don't leave your family home....consult with a lawyer before making any move like that. Many states treat property of married people as joint.

    Other than that, you've got some good advice. All I can offer is to remember to breathe! and hug your children often.

    Peace.
    This.

    Also, staying in a bad relationship can be more damaging to children than divorce. I was married almost 10 years with 4 children (who ranged from 6 to 8 years) when I finally had the courage to divorce my mentally abusive husband. They are all grown with children of their own and turned out just fine. It's hard work being a single parent, but I was lucky that my parents were there to help. And I met a good guy and remarried 3 years after my divorce. Will be married 27 years in July. Of course then I had to deal with stepparent issues...... but that's another story.

  10. #30
    2Rae's Avatar
    2Rae is offline Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2013
    Location
    Northwest Oregon
    Posts
    14
    PrimalCon New York
    I'm sure you are getting your fill of help from all over.
    I would like to add just a tiny bit.
    1. Start at your diet, it will help your body to think and feel more clearly. Get RID of grains and beans ASAP - they feed your "yeast plant" and that throws off your ability to have emotional stability-speaking from experience-and get probiotics to get that back into balance.
    2. Don't be quick to throw out the husband, it may be he will react to your improved mental and emotional state. You can always revisit the divorce later if it comes to that. However, NOT if there is physical violence - if that is the case safer is better of course. Right now it may be a case of "cheap day care" that you can keep until the rest of your life course is clear.
    3. Remember men do NOT think like women, and never will. (again speaking from experience, this helps me a LOT)
    4. Try to notice and verbally appreciate anything positive that he does. You get more of what you notice, so stop (on the inside) "noticing" any of the negative. Goes like this: You see the negative and say instead any of this that may be true "Thank you for those few minutes (seconds?) that I could sit and rest, that makes it better"(this may be that you had to go to the bathroom and lock the door to get those moments) "I noticed that you played with the kids, fed them lunch, (whatever it may be that you notice and NOT saying anything about the fact that you stepped on 15 toys the 5 steps from the door to the inside of the house, the mounds of dishes, etc) (NOTE: the first few times may make your head feel like its going to blow up or you will vomit..... this will pass as you see the results that show up eventually)
    5. To get better sleep, after getting your body off the simple carb rollercoaster and getting enough probiotics, go outside and put your bare fee on the ground, dirt, grass. I have my son go out and ride his bike while I watch with my feet on the ground (not asphalt or painted concrete). Made a HUGE difference in my ability to have energy during the day and rest at night.
    6. You are an amazing writer! You express yourself well..... wonder if there's a new career in there eventually?
    Sorry it's not as short as I wanted but there you go.
    You will have success in tiny bits and eventually it will add up to "bearable" and get better from there!

Page 3 of 4 FirstFirst 1234 LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •