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Thread: Incredible amounts of stress and now severe pain (sorry, long) page 2

  1. #11
    Drumroll's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ShannonPA-S View Post
    You're right about the effort to save the relationship. Sadly, I cannot imagine it getting better. I know it sounds terrible to just say, "I just cannot be in this marriage long-term." But that is where I am right now. I'm still exploring this with my therapist, though. Maybe we can find a way for me to want to be with him again, but truthfully, I feel like he's a child, he's let me down, and needs to grow a pair.

    Thank you, though, for your great advice.
    Just a bit of daily wisdom:

    "Just as extinguishing the initial sparks is a more effective method of preventing fire damage than waiting until the fire is blazing, in the same manner, dealing with underlying causes of discontent is a more effective way to prevent destructive emotions from doing damage than than waiting until the emotions are full blown."

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  2. #12
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    save what money you can until you have enough for a down payment and the first few months rent on an apartment. the man you're married to isn't worth it
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    yeah you are

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  3. #13
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    Can you just sleep with your children? If you are there with them, they don't need to bother you when they want you during the night.

    You might want to read about co-sleeping. Perhaps it would be beneficial for you and the kids, right now.
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  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by bloodorchid View Post
    save what money you can until you have enough for a down payment and the first few months rent on an apartment. the man you're married to isn't worth it
    Short and sweet -- I love it!

    That is the consensus of my friends, too. I never wanted my marriage to end in divorce. My therapist saw me probably 5 or 6 times prior to telling me her story because it's so similar to mine. She said that she was married with 4 kids and just had to get out. One day, she realized staying with someone who passive aggressive and angry at the world was sucking her energy out of her and her kids. That's exactly how I feel. She said she has only mentioned her situation to maybe 4 or 5 other people, because usually it's not pertinent and she doesn't like to talk about her life in therapy since it's about her patients. But when I was talking about the damaging effects of divorce on children and how I'm so torn because of that, that's what she opened up and told me how her childrens' lives are much better off now. But she stresses we need to work on my situation, not hers and mine might be different once we figure it out. Personally, I don't think so. My husband takes no responsibility or has no accountability in his life. That is one success principle I learned from Jack Canfield -- take 100% responsibility in your life for where you are.

    I know divorce isn't ideal and can do damage to children. However, I also know that having children watch their mothers be verbally and emotionally abused is very harmful. And, as my daughter gets older, I think that he'll treat her even worse than he does now. That is exactly what happened with my father. He was okay to me as a child, but as I aged, he was very emotionally and verbally (and rarely physically) abusive.
    Last edited by ShannonPA-S; 05-27-2013 at 11:53 AM.

  5. #15
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    I have had a hugely stressful shat happening in my life in the end of the last month, and my body responded with inflamed joints, UTI, skin, even inflamed eyes, and my sleep went south. I went whole 30, and took coffee out + stopped all exercise, but walking and gardening. It took 2 weeks+ but I have restored all but one wrist and skin to normal and can go to the gym again. It is scary!!!

    HUGS, and hope you can manage!!!!
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  6. #16
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    I have hashi's too. An important thing to remember is that people like us with hashi's for some reason or another don't seem to respond well physically to stress. I know when I get stressed my body just shuts down. No energy, depression, and illness follow. And man, girl, it sounds like you've been buried under it! I am pro-marriage and everything, but honestly that doesn't sound like marriage. It sounds like parenting an obstinate teenager.
    You need a lot of really nourishing food! Bone broth, liver, dark greens, herbs, eggs, heart. Also, trying to sleep more. I am so sorry things have been so rough!

  7. #17
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    Hugs, Shannon.

    Don't make assumptions about distribution of property and don't leave your family home....consult with a lawyer before making any move like that. Many states treat property of married people as joint.

    Other than that, you've got some good advice. All I can offer is to remember to breathe! and hug your children often.

    Peace.

  8. #18
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    Just wanted to chime in and say I wish you and your children the best. You'll all be better without such a toxic person in your lives. You can't help him, he needs to help himself. You need to take care of yourself and those sweet babies.

    Can you afford a part-time housekeeper/nanny to pick up some of the slack? That might make the transition easier for you and be therapeutic in its own way.
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  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by murf73 View Post
    I have hashi's too. An important thing to remember is that people like us with hashi's for some reason or another don't seem to respond well physically to stress. I know when I get stressed my body just shuts down. No energy, depression, and illness follow. And man, girl, it sounds like you've been buried under it! I am pro-marriage and everything, but honestly that doesn't sound like marriage. It sounds like parenting an obstinate teenager.
    You need a lot of really nourishing food! Bone broth, liver, dark greens, herbs, eggs, heart. Also, trying to sleep more. I am so sorry things have been so rough!
    I think I knew that people with Hashi's doesn't respond well to stress, but it's something I'd forgotten about.

    Those foods sound absolutely disgusting to me. I used to eat them and I know I need to...so I will find a way. But for some reason, my body wants seafood and rice with butter. Probably not the best stuff...but I think it has something to do with easy energy, good fat, and the minerals in seafood. I'm not sure. I made some boiled eggs because I love them and am hoping I can convince myself to eat some. My appetite is definitely low (and I'm still very overweight). I wake up and am not hungry for hours. I do have some homemade chicken soup (bone broth) with herbs in the freezer, so I will thaw that.

    I am very pro-marriage also. The thought of my marriage ending was causing frequent tears throughout my days when I realized it was likely to be a reality. I felt angry, let down, and just sad. Then I started focusing on the reality that my husband, while providing sperm to produce damn cute kids, is not going to change. In fact, right now, he is sitting with his tablet cheering his fantasy baseball and hockey players on. I kid you not when I say that he sat down at the computer at least 20 times through the day to "check his teams." Just idiotic. I'm sorry. I used to be non-adversarial with his fantasy football antics when he played just fantasy football and had one or two teams. That was about 10 years ago. And now he plays all sports and wastes so many hours on this every single day. Moreover, he stays up until 3 am and lays around until the afternoon when his energy finally kicks in. I can't go on criticizing him; rather, I'm just going to make the best of it while I save up money. I'm going to tell him that he needs to get his own health insurance and pay his own bills starting next month. That means getting a job.

    Speaking of working, I know being home with mom is best for kids. But I need to work (for money and sanity -- I'm not the saintly SAHM and never will be...I just know myself). My schedule will be pretty amenable to seeing my kids, though. I'll be with them all day Mondays and half days Fri. And Wed will be an early day. So my son will just be in daycare all day on Tues and Thurs, and short days on Wed & Fri (assuming husband gets a job). I was feeling guilty about working, but me staying home all the time isn't pretty. I'm just being honest.

    Anyway, I am going to do my best to eat those foods you mention...I know I need to. I just don't have a taste for them right now.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by j3nn View Post
    Just wanted to chime in and say I wish you and your children the best. You'll all be better without such a toxic person in your lives. You can't help him, he needs to help himself. You need to take care of yourself and those sweet babies.

    Can you afford a part-time housekeeper/nanny to pick up some of the slack? That might make the transition easier for you and be therapeutic in its own way.
    Thank you so much for your comment. I find that people are on both sides of the fence. Some say, "Do what you can to save your marriage." Others say, "Take out the trash." In my view, my husband's presence is toxic. And you are right that I cannot help him. I'm focused on myself and becoming the best mommy and PA I can be.

    I have asked if we can hire a part-time housekeeper and he absolutely refuses to have anyone clean the house. (But he won't do it.) He's so paranoid.

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