I just found my favorite yoga videos online on Gaiam TV! Ack! See, my computer died and I haven't had the money to replace it. So I bought a small portable DVD player, but it's in storage in Los Angeles. I have been LOVING hot yoga, but it's $$$$! I was googling to see if maybe there wasn't a YouTube of my favorite yoga DVD and it's available via streaming online!!! ACK! I can even watch it on my phone! :-D :-D :-D And there's kundalini videos, so I can learn more about that too! Yay!
So, I'm trying to do a BAB in the morning, a la a Leptin Reset, but I'm really topping out at about 40g of ptn in the morning. Gave the eggs this morning to the dog, and didn't want to finish the bacon. DIDN'T WANT TO FINISH THE BACON????
Yes. It's true. Didn't want to finish bacon.
So I had:
6 pcs bacon
1 chicken apple sausage
leftover sauteed brussels sprouts
I made eggs, but I gave them to the dog.
I slept really well last night. I ate dinner (salmon, brussels sprouts, sweet potatoes) at around 4pm, which was the ideal time for dinner that I found for me last year doing a Leptin Reset. If I have dinner at 4pm, then my digestive system is done with all of its work by the time I go to bed.
I want to celebrate the positive health benefits that I kept with me even when I wasn't eating totally clean:
*vastly improved sleep
*regulated menstrual cycle
*stabilization of moods
I've been reading testimonials on the Women of Crossfit = Strong FB page, and I'm really intrigued! I've been hooked on Bikram, but maybe if I did it once a week? HMMMM! I have a coupon for $30 for a month for the local CrossFit gym. What the hell, I could try it, do a day or two of yoga at home and then do WODs at the Crossfit Gym?
Cranky today. Still in the Kill All The Things phase. Keep thinking of foods I haven't had in years! YEARS! Mostly dairy things, like milkshakes.
Had a kombucha and feel a bit better. (GT brand is ok bc no added sugar!)
Okay. I have to tell on myself and restart tomorrow. My SIL was out of town for the weekend visiting friends AND one of her friends is now super into Paleo and Cross-Fitting and made this breakfast thing that is like a Paleo souffle from eggs, butter, coconut flour, arrowroot flower, and blueberries.
The local co-op didn't have arrowroot flour, so she got cornstarch instead. And then when I had it, I thought it would be better with blackberry jam on top.
Flour. Butter. Jam.
Granted, it wasn't all that much, but we are on 30 days of no none of this, so. Tomorrow. This feels crappy. It's like I committed to something and didn't stick to it. June 20th, new weigh in day. I think I have to let everyone know that now I'm having no flours, no dairy (even butter) and well, I'm the one who had the jam. And there's no excuses for that.
I have a voice inside my head that tells me I'm the worst. On a good day, I can ignore it. On a bad day, I don't see any real point in exisiting. I went back on meds to alleviate this, and the generic I'm on is not as good as the brand, but the brand is 100x more expensive than the generic. PEOPLE. THIS IS NOT THE CASE IN OTHER COUNTRIES! GD IT! (Side note: I just Googled Canadian pharmacies that ship brand + generic drugs, and the brand is half the price. Go fig.)
Doing Bikram a lot helped quiet this voice in my head. I felt euphoric and tough and capable of anything when I left. Or at least tough, even if I was super tired from sweating it out for an hour and a half. Can't do Bikram until I get paid on Friday or Monday. What to do until then? Call a friend, walk the dog, make my bed, do laundry, clean. I get to this point where I'm like, "What's the point of it all?" and then I don't care about laundry or cleaning and then it's all downhill. I don't even care about eating properly then, which compounds my problem.
I was thinking that I ought to give this voice a persona, so I can start seeing it as a person I distrust. I imagine it as the evil otherworld Mother in Coraline, the creepy spider one with the button eyes. She scares the bejesus out of me, and of course she would say such awful things.
I've been waking up late and not making breakfast. Not having breakfast and going to bed late are no bueno for me. I just had a huge protein and fat dinner (eggs, bacon, sausage, avocado), and I feel better.
I got Black Forest bacon at Trader Joe's because it has less sugar than the Applewood smoked bacon, and it is dee-lish! I get sick of the Applewood after a while, so it's nice that's there's this alternative.
Went to bed at 9 last night. Very good idea. Need to get serious about this sleep connection to hormone regulation.
The Whole30 Experiment is becoming a Ketogenic Diet experiment. I got really depressed, and bumped up my fats a zillion percent and reduced my protein and behold! Happiness.