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Thread: Comfort at the end of life: how to help with stress and pain page 2

  1. #11
    zoebird's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    Let her do whatever she wants. Really. At this point it is all about enjoying the time she has and you are probably right that it is rather limited.
    i agree. she could go on an all-dessert diet spend time with people and activities that make her ridiculously happy, and, you know, you might consider something nice for her like a weekly massage. Indian head massage is particularly awesome -- your'e dressed, someone just rubs your head for 30 minutes. It's nice.

  2. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
    i agree. she could go on an all-dessert diet spend time with people and activities that make her ridiculously happy, and, you know, you might consider something nice for her like a weekly massage. Indian head massage is particularly awesome -- your'e dressed, someone just rubs your head for 30 minutes. It's nice.
    ^This. If I ever get diagnosed with something terminal or the like you will find me living out my last few remaining days in a cheesecake and beer/scotch induced coma.
    somehow I manage to leave my intelligence and decorum at the door wherever I go. I doubt your journal will be an exception to that - not on the rug

    What the F&#* is a decorum? - Mr. Anthony

  3. #13
    Mr.Perfidy's Avatar
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    Roc city like what!!!

    One word- Aladins.


    also...

    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  4. #14
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    I 2nd the Hospice care. They have hospice programs that will allow you to pass away in the comfort of your own home. They provide the legal documents/living wills to help guide EMS and other medical providers to the patients wishes. They can also provide support to the family through it all.

  5. #15
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    I don't understand why all terminally ill people don't take up arms.
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

  6. #16
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    Thanks for responses.

    Helping my mother to have comfort and pleasure in her life . . . that's certainly of paramount importance. Hounding her about diet and exercise would be cruel.

    At my mother's age, and considering the damage to her body that has been an issue for quite a few years (even when she was much "healthier"), there's nothing that's going to suddenly make things better. However, I can't help feeling that it's wrong to essentially give her poison because poison is what makes her happy.

    I mean, if I said to someone, "It would make me happy to have a wee bit of arsenic after dinner every night," and if someone gave me what I wanted . . . I'd be in bad shape if it didn't kill me outright, and someone would be in trouble with the law.

    My experience with the Primal way of life is that it has relieved for me many of the issues that are currently making my mother's life not very pleasurable. Not having the amount of fatigue she has, not having the inflammation she has, being able to breathe more easily and sleep better . . . those would be good things.

    Unfortunately, I live five hundred miles from the rest of my family, so making the most of the time I have left with my mother means offering what support I can from a distance.

    There is, at this point, no talk of anything like hospice. She's not anywhere near the point of needing just to be watched and made comfortable while she struggles to the end. But I anticipate getting a call anytime telling me the fragile support system of drugs and doctor visits has started to collapse.

    Thanks again for responses to my post. It's a fine example of the great support MDA offers.

    Edith
    Last edited by entwyf; 05-17-2013 at 05:13 AM.

  7. #17
    not on the rug's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Paleobird View Post
    Let her do whatever she wants. Really. At this point it is all about enjoying the time she has and you are probably right that it is rather limited. Nothing that you do to her diet or exercise is going to change that and imposing anything on her (dietary or exercise) is just not worth the stress it will cause.

    That said, if it is something she wants to do, great. You might get her to do some light walking just to keep the circulation flowing. You could have her caregiver focus on higher fat, lower sugar desserts such as flan or cheesecake and maybe sneak some extra "evil" fat in via things like melted butter or coconut oil in the mashed potatoes.

    Be with her as much as you possibly can. That will help the most.

    I say all of this as someone whose father passed away of CHD last year at the age of 87.

    Hugs.
    this. end of discussion.

    would you really consider taking her "wild desserts" away from her in an attempt to squeeze a few extra days/weeks/months of life out of her for your own selfish reasons? take a step back and think about it. you'd be doing her a disservice. you're truly not going to make any difference, except maybe upsetting her. if she wants whiskey and ice cream for breakfast tomorrow, then you better run to the store and get it for her. that's how you can help

    as for exercise. do whatever she can do. walk with her. maybe get her in to tai chi or chair/senior yoga. how about water exercise?.
    I have a lot of hard miles on my body from before I realized I'm not 100% invulnerable. Now I just think I'm 75% invulnerable. -Mr. Anthony

    Give me a spouse/life-partner who I don't want to punch in the throat when she talks. -Canio6

  8. #18
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    You don't need to wait until the end to get hospice. My housemate was involved in hospice for many years so I know about all the benefits.
    Ancestral Health Info - My blog about Primal and the general ancestral health movement. Site just remodeled using HTML5/CSS3 instead of Wordpress.

  9. #19
    entwyf's Avatar
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    I would not like to take anything from my mother that makes her happy. What I want to do, but cannot do because I live five hundred miles away, is (at the very least) convince someone that changes **of some sort** in her diet could (at the very least) make her more comfortable.

    It would not be a bad thing for her to have less inflammation, less confusion, better sleep, better breathing.

    I just heard from my sister that, after a week in the hospital (because the doctor wanted to get rid of fluid that made her legs swell and made it hard for her to breathe), Momma is back home but confused. No wonder. She was given a large dose of diuretic; her potassium level went down as the swelling in her ankles went down; her heartbeat spiked at one point at 136 . . .

    She basically, for the sake of less swollen ankles, got a punch to both body and brain. No wonder she's out of whack . . .

    Why does getting old and having one's body come to a halt have to be one hard blow after another? Why can't there be some freaking way for the medical profession to support bodily functions in a thoughtful, integrated way instead of throwing things at symptoms, one after the other?

  10. #20
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    because humans are mortal and are comprised of inevitably declining systems increasingly stressed by multiple, networked failures and compounded structural weaknesses
    "Ah, those endless forests, and their horror-haunted gloom! For what eternities have I wandered through them, a timid, hunted creature, starting at the least sound, frightened of my own shadow, keyed-up, ever alert and vigilant, ready on the instant to dash away in mad flight for my life. For I was the prey of all manner of fierce life that dwelt in the forest, and it was in ecstasies of fear that I fled before the hunting monsters."

    Jack london, "Before Adam"

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