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Thread: I'm watching my father kill himself as we speak...

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  1. #1
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    I'm watching my father kill himself as we speak...

    No exercise.

    Canola oil spread.

    Dinner of white pasta several times a week.

    Soda multiple times a day.

    Tonight he'll be eating copious amounts of apple pie and ice cream.

    The man is a frikin' diabetic!

    And before you ask, I've tried to have the "talk" with him. He basically told me to shut my "over zealous, self-righteous, ill-informed" mouth and take my "nutritional tripe" to the dump.

    Fine, if he wants to do this to himself, I've done what I can. Let him eat his own doom. At some point, you just can't help those who refuse to be helped.

    I suppose if you all have any ideas you can post 'me here, but I guess this is just another rant about family members who don't give a shit about their own health and how we always have to divorce ourselves from their own choices as ill conceived as they may be.

  2. #2
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drumroll View Post
    I've done what I can.
    Sadly true.
    Try having the same talk with anyone about nicotine or alcohol and you'll be fighting against their whole dopamine system which has proven such a reliable and comforting friend.

    Divorcing my old staples felt like taking a blind incontinent dog out to pasture and shooting it while sobbing the whole time but I knew it had to be done.
    37//6'3"/185

    My peculiar nutrition glossary and shopping list

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by picklepete View Post
    Sadly true.
    Try having the same talk with anyone about nicotine or alcohol and you'll be fighting against their whole dopamine system which has proven such a reliable and comforting friend.

    Divorcing my old staples felt like taking a blind incontinent dog out to pasture and shooting it while sobbing the whole time but I knew it had to be done.
    I had the talk with him about ditching the grains and he was like, "if that worked for you, great, but it'd never work for me because my doctor told me that would be unadvisable. And I trust my doc more than you."

    Let's hear it for doctors not qualified to advise on nutrition!

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drumroll View Post
    I had the talk with him about ditching the grains and he was like, "if that worked for you, great, but it'd never work for me because my doctor told me that would be unadvisable. And I trust my doc more than you."

    Let's hear it for doctors not qualified to advise on nutrition!
    your dad sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't care that much about him if I were you.

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rick Rube View Post
    your dad sounds like a jerk. I wouldn't care that much about him if I were you.
    It's hard not to care about your family though. And he was talking about trusting the doc on nutritional matters over me, since I have no formal medical or nutritional education. I can see his point, even if it is a bit of a logical fallacy to assume that all doctors are expets in nutrition. That's partly due to our society's image that doctors just know everything.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drumroll View Post
    It's hard not to care about your family though. And he was talking about trusting the doc on nutritional matters over me, since I have no formal medical or nutritional education. I can see his point, even if it is a bit of a logical fallacy to assume that all doctors are expets in nutrition. That's partly due to our society's image that doctors just know everything.
    That's like my mom. She loves me, and I even have a sneaking suspicion that I'm her favorite kid
    But she's got a guy with a degree and years of practice telling her one thing, and a daughter that works for a utility company and has an associates degree in liberal arts telling her the opposite. Which one do you think she's going to believe?

    Can't say I blame her, but on the other hand, her previous doctor is dead and I'm still alive. Her new doctor thinks more like I do, though we still disagree on some things.
    Durp.

  7. #7
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    You aren't alone drumroll. A lot of us are watching loved ones kill themselves one day at a time.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by Huarache Gal View Post
    You aren't alone drumroll. A lot of us are watching loved ones kill themselves one day at a time.
    My father could live another ten years or more if he would just make a few minor changes to his diet. Not even full-on primal eating. I never tried to get him to go the route I have. EVER. I just suggested a few simple changes that I think could help him.

    But nope. He rejected them all outright on sight. Oh well, I did my part. *big sigh*

  9. #9
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cierra View Post
    I've been through this, as well. I see my parents in so much pain, and suffering. They're addicted to pain medications among many other things and use crutches just to get by. They've been diagnosed with endless ailments that they think can be cured with pharmaceuticals. Both of them drink alcohol and combine prescription medications. Both of them eat white bread, pasta, potato chips, ice cream, sweets, canned vegetables, deep-fried everything. Both of them used to smoke, but my father had a health issue that scared him into quitting, but my mother continues to smoke over a pack a day. This event, regarding the smoking, made me realize that there is no way I can break them of their habits.

    My father wanted my mother to quit smoking with him, but she refused. She simply did not have the same motivation that he did to quit smoking, even though she is just as likely to get sick from it as he is. She wants to quit, and wants to eat healthy, and always says how much willpower I must have for exercising regularly and eating healthy food. She has just as many digestive issues as I used to have, and doesn't think that she'll benefit from the changes that I made to fix myself.

    My point is, is that something serious may have to happen to your father before he realizes that what he's doing is not the way to live. You said that he has diabetes, but this may not be enough to motivate him to start down a healthier path. It's possible that you had an experience that lead you to begin eating this way, no matter how small or traumatic it could have been.

    I know it hurts to sit back and watch people that you love hurt themselves. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you other than to just sit back, and wait for something revolutionary to happen to your father. I'm sure you've tried telling him what may happen if he continues down this path, but he has to experience it first hand in order to get it through to his head that this is reality.

    As far as advice goes, though... Maybe you can cook for him a few nights a week. Maybe you can invite him on a leisurely walk in a scenic area. Have you tried making healthy activities and foods seem fun & inviting? Whenever I go to my parents' house, they always love my cooking, and honestly appreciate when I make meals for them. It may just be because they don't have to do the work themselves, but who cares. That's one healthy meal in their bellies that can help make them take a step in the right direction.

    Good luck, I hope I helped =)
    No, he lives an eight hour or more drive away. I can't cook for him. And the few times I visit him, he doesn't LET me cook for him. Like, I offer and he's like, "hell no! You don't cook right." And yes, those are words straight out of his mouth.

    I'm just afraid that his condition is so bad already that the moment he has his "traumatic revelatory moment" it will already be too late to help him. He's in a REALLY bad place bit just won't admit it.

    He's dependent on insulin multiple times a day, doesn't exercise, sits for 95% or more of every day, has to take multiple naps a day just to function... And I'll be damned if he wants to make a SINGLE change to the way he lives. At some point I have to accept that I did my duty as his son to try and tell him I care and there are things he can do to help himself.

    I'll help him as much as I can, but he has to WANT me to do so first. He does not.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cierra View Post
    All's I can say is that you can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. That may sound pretty harsh, but it's the truth. How old is he, though? If he's old enough, and you have money to spare, maybe you can get a caretaker for him? I don't know your situation, exactly.
    Funny thing? His girlfriend is a caretaker for people with disabilities and dementia, ect. So he kind of has that already, although from what I've seen, she's a freakin' enabler more than anything. The nutrition aspect of this is not her strong point.

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