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Thread: I'm watching my father kill himself as we speak... page

  1. #1
    Drumroll's Avatar
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    I'm watching my father kill himself as we speak...

    Primal Fuel
    No exercise.

    Canola oil spread.

    Dinner of white pasta several times a week.

    Soda multiple times a day.

    Tonight he'll be eating copious amounts of apple pie and ice cream.

    The man is a frikin' diabetic!

    And before you ask, I've tried to have the "talk" with him. He basically told me to shut my "over zealous, self-righteous, ill-informed" mouth and take my "nutritional tripe" to the dump.

    Fine, if he wants to do this to himself, I've done what I can. Let him eat his own doom. At some point, you just can't help those who refuse to be helped.

    I suppose if you all have any ideas you can post 'me here, but I guess this is just another rant about family members who don't give a shit about their own health and how we always have to divorce ourselves from their own choices as ill conceived as they may be.

  2. #2
    picklepete's Avatar
    picklepete is online now Senior Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by Drumroll View Post
    I've done what I can.
    Sadly true.
    Try having the same talk with anyone about nicotine or alcohol and you'll be fighting against their whole dopamine system which has proven such a reliable and comforting friend.

    Divorcing my old staples felt like taking a blind incontinent dog out to pasture and shooting it while sobbing the whole time but I knew it had to be done.
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    Huarache Gal's Avatar
    Huarache Gal is offline Senior Member
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    You aren't alone drumroll. A lot of us are watching loved ones kill themselves one day at a time.

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    Quote Originally Posted by picklepete View Post
    Sadly true.
    Try having the same talk with anyone about nicotine or alcohol and you'll be fighting against their whole dopamine system which has proven such a reliable and comforting friend.

    Divorcing my old staples felt like taking a blind incontinent dog out to pasture and shooting it while sobbing the whole time but I knew it had to be done.
    I had the talk with him about ditching the grains and he was like, "if that worked for you, great, but it'd never work for me because my doctor told me that would be unadvisable. And I trust my doc more than you."

    Let's hear it for doctors not qualified to advise on nutrition!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Huarache Gal View Post
    You aren't alone drumroll. A lot of us are watching loved ones kill themselves one day at a time.
    My father could live another ten years or more if he would just make a few minor changes to his diet. Not even full-on primal eating. I never tried to get him to go the route I have. EVER. I just suggested a few simple changes that I think could help him.

    But nope. He rejected them all outright on sight. Oh well, I did my part. *big sigh*

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cierra View Post
    I've been through this, as well. I see my parents in so much pain, and suffering. They're addicted to pain medications among many other things and use crutches just to get by. They've been diagnosed with endless ailments that they think can be cured with pharmaceuticals. Both of them drink alcohol and combine prescription medications. Both of them eat white bread, pasta, potato chips, ice cream, sweets, canned vegetables, deep-fried everything. Both of them used to smoke, but my father had a health issue that scared him into quitting, but my mother continues to smoke over a pack a day. This event, regarding the smoking, made me realize that there is no way I can break them of their habits.

    My father wanted my mother to quit smoking with him, but she refused. She simply did not have the same motivation that he did to quit smoking, even though she is just as likely to get sick from it as he is. She wants to quit, and wants to eat healthy, and always says how much willpower I must have for exercising regularly and eating healthy food. She has just as many digestive issues as I used to have, and doesn't think that she'll benefit from the changes that I made to fix myself.

    My point is, is that something serious may have to happen to your father before he realizes that what he's doing is not the way to live. You said that he has diabetes, but this may not be enough to motivate him to start down a healthier path. It's possible that you had an experience that lead you to begin eating this way, no matter how small or traumatic it could have been.

    I know it hurts to sit back and watch people that you love hurt themselves. I'm sorry I don't have any advice for you other than to just sit back, and wait for something revolutionary to happen to your father. I'm sure you've tried telling him what may happen if he continues down this path, but he has to experience it first hand in order to get it through to his head that this is reality.

    As far as advice goes, though... Maybe you can cook for him a few nights a week. Maybe you can invite him on a leisurely walk in a scenic area. Have you tried making healthy activities and foods seem fun & inviting? Whenever I go to my parents' house, they always love my cooking, and honestly appreciate when I make meals for them. It may just be because they don't have to do the work themselves, but who cares. That's one healthy meal in their bellies that can help make them take a step in the right direction.

    Good luck, I hope I helped =)
    No, he lives an eight hour or more drive away. I can't cook for him. And the few times I visit him, he doesn't LET me cook for him. Like, I offer and he's like, "hell no! You don't cook right." And yes, those are words straight out of his mouth.

    I'm just afraid that his condition is so bad already that the moment he has his "traumatic revelatory moment" it will already be too late to help him. He's in a REALLY bad place bit just won't admit it.

    He's dependent on insulin multiple times a day, doesn't exercise, sits for 95% or more of every day, has to take multiple naps a day just to function... And I'll be damned if he wants to make a SINGLE change to the way he lives. At some point I have to accept that I did my duty as his son to try and tell him I care and there are things he can do to help himself.

    I'll help him as much as I can, but he has to WANT me to do so first. He does not.

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    As much as you want to help, you can't choose how people live (or destroy) their lives. You have to let them decide.

    I've been through this with my mom who has had multiple ulcers due to h. pylori TWICE over the past 5 years (to the point of losing 30+ pounds or being hospitalized each time) because she refused to change her diet and/or meds. She finally found a doc that yanked most of her prescriptions, but she still eats low fat chemicals and gulps Tums like they were oxygen. So... at least next time we'll know what to test for right off the bat...

    Personally, though I know nothing will change my mom, short of moving in a cooking all of her meals - which doesn't exactly have The Boyfriend jumping for joy - I have noticed I get more people asking questions when I act like it's no big deal and almost hesitate to discuss it. Then it becomes kind of like some intriguing secret they suddenly need to know, not a used car sale that has them searching for the nearest exit.
    My sorely neglected blog - http://ThatWriterBroad.com

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    Quote Originally Posted by RitaRose View Post
    As much as you want to help, you can't choose how people live (or destroy) their lives. You have to let them decide.

    I've been through this with my mom who has had multiple ulcers due to h. pylori TWICE over the past 5 years (to the point of losing 30+ pounds or being hospitalized each time) because she refused to change her diet and/or meds. She finally found a doc that yanked most of her prescriptions, but she still eats low fat chemicals and gulps Tums like they were oxygen. So... at least next time we'll know what to test for right off the bat...

    Personally, though I know nothing will change my mom, short of moving in a cooking all of her meals - which doesn't exactly have The Boyfriend jumping for joy - I have noticed I get more people asking questions when I act like it's no big deal and almost hesitate to discuss it. Then it becomes kind of like some intriguing secret they suddenly need to know, not a used car sale that has them searching for the nearest exit.
    It's funny, my father's girlfriend was asking me all KINDS of questions about my diet and lifestyle and eating it up, even though I doubt she'll make any of the changes I talked about anyway. And I could see my father rolling his eyes the whole time. He doesn't even PRETEND to care. So I'm right there with you on that one. I think he was actually angry that she was engaging me about it. I'm pretty sure they had a "talk" about it later.

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    It is odd how some people are so fascinated by the diet, but for them to do it is totally not going to happen. I was talking to an internal medicine specialist yesterday, who said she saw a Naturopath who told her to stop having gluten, dairy and I think eggs, just like me. She dismissed it saying "what would I eat?" I pointed her to Paleo and said that if she gave them up for 30 days she would feel so much better that she would find it easy. She did admit that if she had dairy she was totally exhausted the next day. I think she may look into it again. All we can do it sew seeds and hope they take. It really is so frustrating seeing our families make all the same mistakes, and really hard to sit it out and say nothing. It just seems to make people mad.

    RitaRose..... why do you think that Paleo would fix your Mums ulcer? It has actually really exacerbated mine, so much so I think I will have to go to see a specialist again.
    Starting Primal June 2012 at 148.5lbs, goal weight in November 2012.
    Now 95lbs and holding.
    Primal, minus eggs, dairy and a myriad of other allergens.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Silvergirl View Post
    It is odd how some people are so fascinated by the diet, but for them to do it is totally not going to happen. I was talking to an internal medicine specialist yesterday, who said she saw a Naturopath who told her to stop having gluten, dairy and I think eggs, just like me. She dismissed it saying "what would I eat?" I pointed her to Paleo and said that if she gave them up for 30 days she would feel so much better that she would find it easy. She did admit that if she had dairy she was totally exhausted the next day. I think she may look into it again. All we can do it sew seeds and hope they take. It really is so frustrating seeing our families make all the same mistakes, and really hard to sit it out and say nothing. It just seems to make people mad.
    Silvergirl, what I have learned is that he's NOT interested. Not at all. He thinks it is pretty much a bunch of "bunk scientific quackery."

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