Okay, we all know how hard it is to spend the days, that we are not allowed to workout.
So I came up with a special off day training program, which I developed with the help of physicians, psychologists, rocket scientists and the Betty Ford Center.
It is called:
"YOU ARE YOUR OWN GIN" or "THE PRIMA BLUE PINT"
It includes four sets of different exercises
1. LET ME GOS:
Facing your wive/girl-friend at face height, grab hold of her.
Slowly pull her towards you in a controlled manner.
Really squeeze those shoulder blades together.
In a sad voice say:
"I really need you to LET ME GO out tonight with the boys."
Repeat until your wive/girl-friend fails to give a negative response.
This is a hard exercise especially on the weekend.
After you succeeded the LET ME GO exercise you continue with
Instantly move to the next club.
Approach the bar as quickly as humanly possible.
While simultaneously ordering four shots of GIN
approach the bar chair closest to the bartender.
Straighten your arms.
Bend your knees.
Stick your butt out.
Take SEATED SIPS until the four shots are downed.
Really drink in an uncontrolled manner.
This exercise should be repeated at least four times.
You should reach stomach failure on your last set.
After reaching stomach failure you continue with:
3. PLEASE LET ME INS:
As silently as possible approach the doorstep of your house/appartment.
Take a wide stance with your toes pointed out.
Drop your hips until your thighs are paralell to the ground.
Reach into your pocket.
Realize you lost your keys.
Knock on the door at least five times.
Realize your wive/girl-friend is not opening.
Take a deep breath.
Yell "PLEASE LET ME IN" trying to sound as sober as humanly possible.
Realize your wive/ girl-friend is still not opening.
Repeat until voice failure.
If the neighbors call the police before you reach voice failure, you may stop the exercise before getting arrested and proceed to the last exercise, which is called
4. ROMANIAN DEAD LEADER:
This exercise also known as CEAUSESCU should round up your program.
Walk to a wall/fence/pole in your backyard.
Starting at a full upright position lean your back against it.
Collapse as quickly as possible.
If done right, you should now be in a sitting position still leaning against the wall.
Ignore the pain in your coccyx.
Fall asleep so deeply, that you create the impression of a DEAD ROMANIAN LEADER.
Optionally you can do this exercise the next morning/day:
5. EXTREME HANGOVER:
This should be real easy, if you maintained good form during exercises one through four.
i approve of this whole regime
yeah you are
I used to think I was funny until I met Kathy Griffin. Iím gonna have to call my mama and have her tell me how good I am. - ginger minj