Day 11 - Sunder 19 May
What a yukky day for me. I felt so crap after being sick in the night. I could not speak properly as my throat was so sore, my back was very tight and it hurt to breath and on top of it I was completely cream-crackered. I did not get out of my pyjamas all day! I also did not eat until the afternoon and then decided on a blow out meal.
Lunch of sorts: 2 large eggs, 10 small chipolatas, 6 rashers of smoked bacon (couldn't move afterwards!)
Supper: small greek yogurt with some berries.
Sharon has booked up to to go to Spain in mid September. I am not a big fan of the heat and don't like big holiday complexes but she has a timeshare there so it will be free for me . Sharon has had a terrible start to her year: her mother was very ill, then her husband dies suddenly and on top of that, she finds out she has breast cancer and had to have one of her breasts removed. The holiday in Spain is because she wants to just chill out in the sun for a week so I happy to go along for her sake. I am sure that it will be OK as the apartment we are staying in is quite luxurious. One thing I am panicking about is my size, from the squashing into a tiny aeroplane seat, showing my body in a swimsuit and generally being hot and sweaty. I have four months until I go away and really would like to get my primal eating fully in place so that I can lose some weight. I am still having problems with my knee so am finding exercising hard. Ho hum I shouldn't be so hard on myself but I can feel me getting tense about it.
Gluten is a major cause of heartburn. I eliminated heartburn by stopping gluten and evening eating.
Days 12-14 Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday 20-22 May
Well what a palavar! I had computer problems so could not get on the forum. Also had problems with my eating. I am fine when I am work but as soon as I get home the old demons arise and I start binge eating and drinking. I am so SICK of it. I have been reading a very good book by Jack Trimpey called "Taming the Feast Beast" which is about training your brain to avoid binge eating. The message is quite easy but putting it into practice is very hard. He basically says that our "animal" brain or lower brain is what governs our bodies' basic needs: food, shelter, water, temperature control etc. Our higher brain (our ego/self) is above our animal brain and we can train our higher brain to listen to the lower brain nagging for food and then ignore those signals if we are not hungry. That is a very basic description of how it works. I think I am going to have to read it all again until it sinks in.
Anyway onto food - during the day mainly meat, water, tea but the evenings have been a mixture of wine, cider, crisps, nuts, ham, Bombay mix, samosas. Not a very good diet although the nuts and ham aren't too bad I suppose.
I am not in control of myself and I really have to sort that out before I can move on. I have pondered what has led me to my binging over the last few days and have worked out what it was... I weighed myself on Monday morning, thinking I would have lost a few pounds not one had shifted. I was still the same weight. I couldn't believe it as I had cut a lot from my diet and the waistband on my trousers was slightly loser. Weighing myself was a big mistake and I will only do that once a month as I was so disheartened. I think I am also rebelling against having to take blood pressure tablets as I hate taking big pharma drugs. I guess the next thing will be the doc wanting to put me on statins but I am avoiding that at all costs.
As I have hit rock bottom, the only way is up so get a grip Kathryn
There are bound to be struggles in the beginning, especially if you're also dealing with stress. Don't be too hard on yourself - in time it will come together, and once your body has adjusted you probably won't even feel like bingeing. And I'd focus on the waistband result, not the scales. Good luck!
Hi Emma - thank you very much for your kind encouragement. I am really struggling at the moment as I am feeling very stressed. Stress is not good for me as it raises my blood pressure and makes my body feel full of "inflamation". But you are right, I am being far to hard on myself and I need to calm down a bit!!
Thursday 23 May - Thursday 30 May (Days 15-22)
Wow I can't believe a whole week has gone by! I have not been on the forum much as I have been very busy at work and when I work all day on the computer, I don't feel like turning it on when I get home.
I have not really been very primal for the last week: again, it is the thing where I do primal meals at work and then get home and eat crap . Has been happening all week and if I wrote down all the crap that I have eaten, I will just get upset and eat more and so it goes round again. I think I need to look at posts and read Mark's words every day to keep me on the straight line. I am going to do that right now!
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