Naiadknight's chronicles page 573

[naiadknight]

Today's blog post on the miracles of Kiwi and Gorilla Glue.

[naiadknight]

Today really feels like one of those days where I want to put it all down, pick a direction, and start walking. Not necessarily a Fukitol day, but one of those days when I need to get out and away from people and stress. I recognize the feeling for what it is. My mother would regularly act on those emotions and wander off. This was back before cell phones, of course, so she'd be gone for hours on end, with me worrying about her, watching my siblings, helping Dad locate her, and making sure Dad didn't go off the deep end about it. I can feel the tightness in my chest of anxiety and a squelched panic attack. I want ot walk away from it all, leave it in the dust, and go somewhere without pain and stress. I won't, because of how badly Mom fucked me up doing that (who, me, abandonment issues? Nah) and I know my problems would still be here when I get back, except multiplied. Doesn't change the urge.

[namelesswonder]

There are other ways to release that urge/tension, I am sure. A good gaming session tonight (not TOO long)? Some kind of workout? You don't have to abandon your life, just find a release for now. I've been feeling like singing lately, so my release tends to be iPod cranked up while I make dinner.

[naiadknight]

It's mostly not being able to do my damn job because of their shitty network, and therefore being worried over job security (see post with mood, etc earlier.) I'm borrowing trouble, I know, but it still worries me that my job could be at stake because of equipment malfunctions beyond my control.

[jenn26point2]

Not sure what to say, so I'm just going to say that I hope you feel better soon and the job stops sucking so much. Hugs if you'll accep them.

[naiadknight]

Hugs accepted.
I came home and went to bed. It was go to bed or spend the afternoon constantly running to the bathroom, hoping nothng would actually come up. Still kinda woozy and my belly is still not sold on the whole food idea.
I've noted over the past few days that I've been getting warm/ hot and had much more energy, like I did back before my thyroid fucked up. I'm not sure if this is good or not, but I'm inclined to think it is. The only differences are a nasal allergy steroid spray and a new birth control. One is giving me more oxygen flow, the other is messing with my hormones (note to self: see what hormones are different between the 2.) I'm more inclined to believe it is the birth control for the simple reason that I went on BC long before I knew I had allergies or could get a doc to test me for hypothyroidism (college quack shack.) I've been on the same BC ever since 2006 and was on it for about a year during 2004- 2005. I tried a new one about a year ago and it quickly got shot down for negative mood effects. If the BC is helping my thyroid (I don't know how it would, except hormonal differences), then I'll gladly take it for the time being.

[naiadknight]

The previous one used norgestimate, the current one uses levonorgestrel. Levonorgestrel is known for elevating androgenic compounds in the body, and possibly elevating testosterone and blood cholesterol. I've been on it for less than a week, so no discernable indications for androgenic effects.
Went to looking up low androgen effects, for kicks, since I've been on BC for so long (although, supposedly the previous one had no effect on androgens.) I have noticed some of those effects, which is what drove me to want to change my BC. I have noticed, on the new BC, that my drive is up (although this is supposed to be shark week and its usually up then,) as are certain other effects that are noticeable only because they normally aren't there. I am curious to see if a certain sexual issue (one of the main ones that drove me to change my BC) has been resolved. If this BC corrected that, and only that, and I don't develop hirsutism or acne, this one's a keeper. Since it appears to be correcting other sexual issues on my end, and allows for only (3? 4?) shark weeks a year, it may be a keeper regardless.

[marcadav]

If the BC is helping my thyroid (I don't know how it would, except hormonal differences), then I'll gladly take it for the time being.

Estrogen increases Thyroid Binding Gobulin(TGB) which binds more total hormone and leaves less free hormone for the body to use. This is why it is important, when on BC pills or HRT, to have free T4 and Free T3 tested in addition to, or in place of Totals. Total levels (both bound and unbound levels) can be fine yet frees (unbound) can be low-creating hypo symptoms.

If your new BC has less estrogen then it is possible that you now have less TGB, giving you more unbound, usable thyroid hormones.

[naiadknight]

Sleep
Staggered home yesterday at 1330, sick as a dog from what I can only figure was a bad orange (the brown streaks shoulda been a dead giveaway.) Made it to the bed and feel asleep. Slept until 745, got up, had dinner, and was back out by midnight. Slept until Geek came to bed at 5, and couldn't sleep anymore. Kept getting really hot.
Mood
Unsure at the job. Still nervous as hell about the firings and hirings. That could easily have been part of the stomach upset yesterday. Figure I'll keep hunting and just keep doing my job and keep my head down at work (shaddup, it's possible.)
Still getting that 7 year itch. It seems like every 7 years or so, I want to move, to go to another place. I'm not the only one either, my parents seemed to to do the same thing when we were kids, either a full out move or some giant adventure vacation like the trip to Horseshoe Falls and back. For some reason, Seattle keeps popping into my head, seemingly as a nudge from the 'verse. I've never even been to Seattle, only read of it in books and seen photos. If I ignore the itch long enough, it dies back down, but I've never been able to completely ignore it. The 7 year itch in HS coordinated with going away to college. The 7 year itch in college/ here last time coordinated with my move to Odessa and our own home. And now my brain's harping on Seattle.
I'm also still horny as hell. I think Marc may be onto something.
Digestion/Other TMI
That orange is still being less than friendly, but I'm not the walking dead about to hurl anymore. I'm sure the wings didn't help.
Food
Lunch yesterday was the last of the gyro meat over feta, salad greens, cuke, and tom. And that damn orange.
Dinner was wings, maybe 5 of 'em in two spicy but semi primal sauces, potato slices with cheese, and some jalapeno thing Geek ordered. The jalapeno things had cornmeal, but not wheat, so that was a minor victory.
I tried getting Fourbucks this morning. It was WAYYYYYY too sweet, and it was what I normally order. I couldn't get even a quarter way through it before I chucked it. My body also let me know that it was unwelcome after what I did to it yesterday.
Exercise
You're joking, right?

[Twibble]

I want to at least visit Seattle sometime. It seems like a very neat place.

Is the housing market here still going nuts?