Naiadknight's chronicles page 541

[namelesswonder]

Well you are farther along in your personal therapy that I am Learning your boundaries with the people you love, but have hurt you, is fucking difficult, no matter how "trivial" it may seem to other people's experiences. Everyone has a right to whine, never deprive yourself of that!

[jenn26point2]

I think you have every right to be upset and I'm truly sorry for the childhood you had. No child should have to grow up so quickly. It's just not fair. Children have the right to be children.

That being said, I'm glad you're working through it and have found a way to cope. You're a very strong woman. Hugs to you.

[naiadknight]

I'm strong because there wasn't an option not to be. It was get strong or not survive.
As to coping, the majority of what has helped me was moving halfway across the second largest state in the union. I have other things for coping that I developed as a kid that I'm not proud of. I didn't realize one was semi self destructive until I got caught by SWG doing it and its the closest I've seen to him telling me off. (If I'm angry and I have nothing to take it out on, I turn inward and physically bite the heel of my hand or my lower arm and hold it until either I start drooling and need another bite or I feel better because I did take it out on something. I have never drawn blood or even left a bruise, but being caught doing it made a light bulb go off as to how self destructive it is.)
Coping is difficult for me because up until talking to "normal" kids in college, I thought everyone was told that you don't show "bad" emotions, like sad, mad, jealous, or the like. Basically anything but happy and happy go lucky were frowned on.

[Pebbles67]

I am amazed at all you have become considering what you came from. You are an intelligent, strong, lovely woman who knows how to take care of herself. I hope that you can see it the way we do.

[naiadknight]

I can see the intelligent and "knows how to take care of herself." Strong is one that I've never been able to connect with, even though I've been told I am repeatedly. For me, strong is Rosa Parks, Abe Lincoln, the folks on the armed services and the like. I am not that. Lovely... I can be, when I'm being ladylike and gentle. My usual MO as a woman who doesn't hold her tongue and has no desire to be froufrou fluffy ladylike... not so lovely. I'm too rough around the edge to be lovely.

[Pebbles67]

Funny how I find rough around the edges to be lovely. There are no demure, lady like women in my family.

[naiadknight]

Point well taken. I can't think of any demure quiet ladies in my family either, so I guess genetics does play into my form of loveliness.
Dinner: milanesa and shrimp fajita salad (grilled milanesa beef, shrimp, onion and bell pepper over green leaf, sharp cheddar, salsa, sour cream, and jalapeno.)

[naiadknight]

Spammer, get the behind me! (Y'know, on that rocket ship of grains. Yeah, that one, now hang on tight as I aim this thing.... byebye!)

Stupid mailman needs to hurry his ass the hell up.

[naiadknight]

Either my scale is very, very confused, even after several attempts, or I'm under 123 again. My size 1 Old Navy jeans are fitting again, so I guess that weight's reasonably accurate.
One thing I have noticed is that, this time around, it's not coming off the arms or bust. It's coming out of the belly and, to a lesser extent, the hips and thighs. Maybe I finally fixed whatever was broken. *fingers crossed*

[jenn26point2]

My size 1 Old Navy jeans are fitting again

Sweet!!