Naiadknight's chronicles page 52

[kuno1chi]

YAY for the remix
I used to loathe this song, but now....

[naiadknight]

1. Eat lots of animals, insects and plants.
IF: 21 hrs, including
L: Bahama Bucks 20 oz strawberries w/ "whipped topping" and chocolate syrup. I think I get it plain next time...
D: Genghis grill w/ steak, shrimp, calamari, shrimp, carrot, onion, green bean, bell pepper, 2 eggs, jalapeno, garlic, ginger, pepper, more garlic, chili oil, tomato, and a couple other things. Butter, not canola; not starch.

2. Move around a lot at a slow pace.
Played with a friends kids on a playground

3. Lift heavy things.
Lifted a kid coupla times

4. Run really fast every once in a while.
Sprinted to save said kid once.

5. Get lots of sleep.
13 hrs

6. Play.
Playground w/ a 3yo and a 4 yo for 2 hrs and SCII w/ husband and 2 mutual friends

7. Get some sunlight every day.
Vit D 8K IU, playground in short sleeves and jeans for 2 hrs at about 2 PM
8. Avoid trauma.
No trauma, Woohoo!

9. Avoid poisonous things.
The whipped topping and that nasty "chocolate sauce"

10. Use your mind.
Nice, brain free day, except for SCII

[naiadknight]

Fuck it. I'm eating 90% primal, my husband's standing by my side, and the rest of my life is going to hell in goddammed motherfucking handbasket. I'm tired of this SHIT! For once, just once in my miserable, pathetic excuse for a life, I'd like to have a nice boring life. No drama, no bullshit, no politics, just nice, normal, and boring. The closest I came to that was majoring in engineering in college. Anybody want drama? I have more than enough to go around. I've never known a calm life. There was always some crisis, be it my mother, my father, my grandmother, boytoy dujour, job, debt. Fuck it. You know what? I want out. I shouldn't have to fight and claw my way to a sane life. I shouldn't have a huge target painted on my back for all to see. I want out, I want out. I've had enough of this horseshit. I need to relax, but how the hell can I relax with my grandmother dying, my job vanishing, and no replacement job forthcoming?!! Fuck this and the horse it rode in on. Fuck everything. The whole goddammed universe can go to hell.

[kuno1chi]

<big hugs>

[Evita]

Do a guided meditation that doesn't involve the universe going to hell or copious amounts of things getting fucked. Its great to vent, but keep in mind how much of this you are professing with your mouth and internalizing-it usually comes true. If you constantly harp on you existence being worthless fucked up, miserable and pathetic , I don't see any of that changing anytime soon.
To imagine a normal life is a weak, emotion driven thought that has absolutely no truth to it. Just because everyone in their journal, or social outlets of influence isn't spewing out a list a mile long of all of their past present and perceived future tragedies does not mean they don't exist. Everyone on her could probably tell you some horrific things that have occurred and that they are currently going through. There is no such thing as a normal, easy or simple life. They are all fucked up in their own unique way, its how you choose to deal with them that comes of as normal or easy.

Have a little faith that although you can't see it right now, things will work out. There will always be drama in your life, but you have a ton of resources, and people who care to help you see it through when you can't.
Keep your head up high, and grok on!

[Just4ME]

Grok-like shoulders and friendlies in the forum will hold you up! Nothing wrong with venting. Let it out and move on.

[naiadknight]

I needed to get that out of my system. I realize that things could definitely be worse and that normal doesn't exist. Normal is statistical yaddayaddayada. It's just a little hard to see the forest for the trees right now. It just feels kinda like something's trying to see how far I'll bend before I snap. I know those are excuses. Most of my life has been spent fighting one crisis/ life changing event/ drama after another. I've managed to get out of the drama cycle, now I just need to mentally separate actual crises and hard times from the drama I'm accustomed to coming with them. It's a lesson that battles 25 years of conditioning. If I can remove the drama, I remove (some of) the stress. I think this may only be such a huge crisis because I alternate between completely stressing and freaking out over it and (trying to) completely ignore the situation. If I can detach the drama, it'll be better for me. I've never thought of myself as a drama queen, but the only comparison I've had is my mother, and she is the High Queen Pooh-Bah of Drama. Looking at this journal, though, it's plain to see that I have more than my fair share of stressing over nothing and drama. It'll be hard to remove the drama, but it's possible. Shit'll keep happening, but at least I won't be overreacting to it, and I'll be able to deal with it better.

[NorthernMonkeyGirl]

So sorry about your gran.
It may be pie in the sky, but when (not "if") you get across to see her, could you (and hub?) stay for a few days, even a week or more, as a break from the stress back home? I find that physically putting distance between me and whatever shit is going on usually helps, even if it's only temporary.

thinking of you

[naiadknight]

What I actually need is a true vacation, not one to Dallas. Dallas is the origination of a lot of drama. But I/we (don't know if he'll be able to come yet due to his job) are staying Friday evening through Mon morn, possibly Tues morn. And I fully intend to try to relax as much as possible, if only to keep me from ripping heads off. I'm hoping that the distance will pull me out of this funk I've been in. Maybe stomping around some of my old havens with an old friend will help.
What would help most right now is if I were to magically get a job off.... that's not true. I'd find some other piece of news to bring myself back down here. I need to retrain myself is the issue, and that'll just take time. Anywho, hopefully that's the last of the drama for today. I fully intend for it to be.
Thanks to all y'all for your support, even the tough love stuff Evita handed me. I realize I've been whining a lot here lately, but that's why it's in here, as opposed to in their own threads, so that folks can ignore it if they want. Now where's that irritatingly cheerful and chipper attitude, so I can go screw with boss's boss? Ah, there it is... *put on huge scary evil grin* Whoops, wrong smile. There's the right one *flight attendant smile*

[NorthernMonkeyGirl]

I can vouch for the fact that nothing is more tortuous than an uncompromisingly perky person. Knock 'em dead, girl!