Naiadknight's chronicles page 465

[naiadknight]

I think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. What seems to have really helped was ditching the coffee in the morning and going back to white and green teas.
Had Rosa's for lunch (fajita salad with gratuitous pico de gallo and salsa.)
The chiro thing was... interesting. I now know that an "adjustment" means they crack your joints for you. It appears to have helped as I feel I'm standing a little taller and can look straight ahead without feeling like I'm looking up. That electrostim thing still feels bizaare. My shoulder and neck don't hurt when I stretch that muscle for the first time in years. I'll keep on this path, keep testing the waters. This is my first time going so deep into alternamedicine, so it's an experiment for me.

[naiadknight]

Ok, so sitting correctly HURTS. Not the back, neck, or anything like that. Keeping my head up and back pulls on my collarbone (as in pulls it back to where it belongs) and makes it hurt like a motherfucker. Conclusion: engineering, computers, and reading all the time fucked me over.

[canio6]

Conclusion: engineering, computers, and reading all the time fucked me over.

True but they are fun!

[naiadknight]

I like this chiro more and more each time I go in. He chided me for my high heels, but I mollified him by saying I only actually wear them when I walking around and that, given the option, I'm barefoot. He then surprised me by mentioning VFFs and saying that he owned a few pairs, as well as basically giving me a pro- barefoot spiel, stopping short because I'd already said I owned several pair. He also encouraged my weight training and yoga, and was happy that I was on such a low dose of levothyroxine and pro-active in my own health. If this guy did thyroid work, I wouldn't need a primary care doctor!

[naiadknight]

will someone please tell my immune system to stop attacking my thyroid so it can do it's goat-damned JOB so I don't catch every little bug that wanders by?

[Twibble]

Goats are damned now?

[naiadknight]

No, the goat did the damning.

So how'd my birthday weekend go? The dog is missing (the gate somehow came unlatched and she's out there somewhere, pound doesn't have her.) I made a roast and roast several of my favorite veggies, along with a yellow cake with chocolate frosting on Saturday, had friend come over. Went over to my in-laws place Sunday (my actual birthday), had manicotti, and they'd bought a cake, so I ate some of that (I was caked out by then.) Got home, dog was still AWOL. It was kind of a crappy birthday, to be honest.
I'm bummed, and not just 'cause of the dog. Things just aren't sitting right at the moment. I know I'm in the downward spiral, complete with extraneous guilt and such. I need a cathartic event, and I'd prefer it not by tears. I also haven't worked out in well over a week, thanks to the busted knee, getting sick, and having a friend come into town, which isn't helping matters any. The scale is moving down, finally, but it's because my muscles are shrinking again, so that's not a celebratory event.
Retail therapy did me no good, because I knew that I was in a funk and items bought in a funk generally bring me little to no pleasure, and I rarely find anything I like in a funk anyways. It was mostly irritating, because so few stores carry my size anyways, and if I can find my size, it's ugly, overpriced, or skankyhotastic.
Not even futzing around with the new PS3 Move set up brought my joy, mostly frustration and irritation.
I just wanna go home, curl up in a tiny ball, and hide from the world and sun until the dog comes back or this funk passes. But I can't and I won't, because to do that would aid and abet the depression in it's evil capers. (Bleh, capers.) I also won't act on some of the thoughts that percolate up from the deep every once in a while, and those thought are the ones that scare me enough to make me contemplate running to the vampires for a med adjustment. I thought I was clear of those thoughts. Don't think of the pink elephant, y'know?
In a way, it seems like just as I'm starting to pull my life together, I HAVE to shoot myself in the foot somehow, like I'm not allowed to have a happy, normalish life. It's not even intentional when I shoot myself in the foot. It's more like my subconscious makes a preemptive strike to send me back to familiar territory. Fucking pink elephants on parade. Hell, I could fill a damn book on not thinking about those pink elephants.
I almost wish I would act on those nasty pink elephant thoughts, if for no other reason than a half assed attempt... NO. NONNONONONONO.
What the hell is it with me?! One thing in my life goes wrong and I turn into a goddammed self inflicted martyr.

[Twibble]

Do I need to drag you out one of these evenings? Wednesday, maybe? Or even today, just have to be somewhere at 7:30.

[naiadknight]

Do I need to drag you out one of these evenings? Wednesday, maybe? Or even today, just have to be somewhere at 7:30.

Not tonight. Probably not until we find the damn dog. I swear, once we find her, I'm having a GPS implant stuck in her and padlocking both the gates. If we don't... I don't want to think about that.

[Twibble]

*hugs*