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Thread: Random Thoughts (Confessions of an Obsessed Mind or My PB Journal) page 2

  1. #11
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    5/18/13

    UD--ate a whole bunch of stuff. Also had a bunch of alcohol. 4 vodka with seltzer water and 2 glasses of red wine. Breakfast was lox omelet with some fried potatoes. Also had two bananas. Dinner was Thai food--panang curry with duck and one cup of jasmine rice. Also had some other stuff here and there.

    Workout was 1-hour of yoga and 4-mile run. The run was short because my plantar fasciitis flared up again after Friday's sprints. I've been dealing with it for a couple of weeks now, but it got really bad Friday. It hurt with every step of my run on Saturday so only did 4 miles instead of the planned 8 miles.

    5/19/13

    DD - had a couple of stalks of celery in the afternoon. Then had a bit of shirataki noodles cooked in a spicy broth. Then had one preserved duck egg (purchased at Asian grocery store). Then had 4.31 ounces of flounder, pan-fried in a tiny bit of sprayed-on coconut oil (yes, I have a coconut oil spray that's like Pam except made with coconut oil) and a small amount of spinach. I think I stayed under 500 calories but just barely. It's possible that I went over by a little.

    Workout was 5-mile run.

    5/20/13

    UD!

    Food
    1 Kind bar (190 cal)--I'm going to stop eating these soon, I promise. I just have a couple of these right now, and once I'm done, I won't be buying more.
    1 banana
    1 Greek yogurt mixed with BCAAs
    protein shake (~200 cals)
    pulled pork with a bit of salsa
    1.5 sweet rice cakes (this is a dessert I got from Chinatown while I was there for acupuncture--it is really quite a lot, and I feel kinda guilty--and kinda sick--for eating all of that crap)
    5 (!) chocolate truffles (bad, I know)
    spaghetti bolognese (with spaghetti squash)
    cooked squash, a few bites of a burger
    1 tbsp sun butter

    Workout
    Crossfit - we did the prowler today. My left foot slipped, and I went down on one knee. Didn't go down hard or anything. Would have been fine, except that I fell while running a couple of weeks ago and scraped my left knee really badly. Basically scraped off all the skin on an area about the size of a quarter. That only recently healed, well sort of healed. It clearly wasn't completely healed because I managed to rip it open again just by landing on it (well, we were doing the prowler outside on the street so it was gravel). So now I have an open bleeding wound on my left knee again. Yay!

    Got acupuncture today for plantar fasciitis. He used electrical stimulation on one of the needles, and it felt oddly good. Almost like deep tissue massage on that one spot. Those needles on my heel hurt though. Bottom of the feet is not a happy place for needles. Chinese practitioners will adjust/wiggle the needles every 10 minutes or so to make sure that they're hitting the right spot. You have to "feel it" for it work work. The feeling is either a tingle (like a mild shock) or a twinge. You know it when you feel it. No one has ever had trouble understanding what it means when he asks whether they feel it. But it hurts when the needle's in the bottom of your foot.
    Last edited by diene; 05-21-2013 at 06:53 AM.

  2. #12
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    5/21/13

    DD! It's 9:46 am, and I am freaking starving! How hungry I feel really just has to do with my workouts. Sprints and runs don't really make me feel hungry anymore, but weight-lifting always does. Had my 150-cal protein shake after crossfit, but I'm still starving. Oh, this is going to be a long day.

    Had some hot water with salt, ACV, and red pepper flakes during the day.

    Food
    protein shake (150 cal)
    1.77 ounces flounder
    2 eggs + 1 egg white
    chai tea with 1 packet of stevia

    Workout
    Crossfit
    Last edited by diene; 05-22-2013 at 07:14 AM.

  3. #13
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    5/22/13

    Up Day!

    Food
    2 bananas
    2.5 tbsp sun butter
    protein shake (~200 cal)
    small amount (less than 1/2 cup) of coconut milk (SO brand, 45 calories per cup)
    A lot of (probably 1.5 cups, at least) the BEST raw milk yogurt ever!!!
    Three fresh strawberries
    1 rice cake (only ingredients are rice and sea salt)
    Primmeal (1 banana, couple of frozen strawberries, 1/2 tbsp almond butter mashed together, plus 1 egg, microwaved until it acquired oatmeal-like consistency)
    1 white chocolate truffle (gasp!--love those things though)
    A couple of potato chips (yeah, flog me--they're cooked in avocado oil, but the double bonds in the monounsaturated fatty acids probably oxidized at frying temps. What oil is safe for frying, anyway?)
    Blueberry frittata (612 cal--okay, that's a LOT of calories for a meal)
    1 Granny Smith apple
    Sirloin (a little less than 460 calories--it's 460 with the broccoli, but I'm saving the broccoli for tomorrow's DD)
    1 sweet potato
    Gelato (yes, I ate gelato)
    2/3 portion of paleo chicken pot pie (full portion is 653 cal)
    1 tbsp sun butter
    1 ginger chew
    3 rice cakes
    1/2 cup raw milk yogurt
    vodka (not a lot--1 or 2 drinks' worth)

    So that's a LOT of food for a day, eh?

    Workout
    Crossfit
    1-hour yoga
    3-mile run (it was more like a jog; legs felt tired/heavy)
    Last edited by diene; 05-23-2013 at 08:22 AM.

  4. #14
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    5/23/13

    Down Day! Had my 150-cal protein shake after crossfit. Looking at my food intake over the past couple days, I realized that I've been eating a lot of crap lately. I'm going to make an effort to cut out the crap. Tomorrow, for example, my goal is to limit my sun butter consumption to 1 tbsp.

    All I had today was the protein shake, some broccoli (not sure how many calories, but probably under 100), some iceberg lettuce (negligible cals), and a bowl of chai tea jello (made with chai tea, a packet of stevia, and unflavored gelatin--the whole thing was only 24 calories).

    Good DD, calorie-wise, but woke up at 1 am b/c the bf got up and started banging around in the kitchen. Didn't get back to sleep until after 1:30.

    Workout
    Crossfit
    2-mile walk
    Last edited by diene; 05-24-2013 at 09:37 AM.

  5. #15
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    Hey Serenity, I totally missed that you had started a journal! The madness is spreading

    I'm so sorry that you went through all that stuff when you were younger... what a nightmare. From what I can read though, it doesn't sound like you have an ED anymore? Your writings could be from any woman who is frustrated at not losing weight. Did the "eating a ton" help you in any way? And how are things going without the IUD?
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  6. #16
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    Hey YogaBare! Yeah, I decided to start a journal since everyone else is doing it. But it's mostly turned into a food log for me, just tracking what I eat, in case the JUDDD thing fails, and I have to tweak it. Might help to have a log. Less irritating than entering everything into FitDay because that would require me to measure/weigh the food and will remind me of my crazy track-everything-I-eat days.

    I consider myself to be recovered from my ED, but I have to admit that I still binge on occasion and (even more rarely) purge afterwards (can't believe I just admitted this on the Interwebs). Hi everyone, yes, I still make myself puke after binging every once in a while (like maybe three or four times a year). I go months and months at a time without doing it though. I have to admit that when I was VLC and restricting calories a couple of months ago, I'd end up binging a lot of weekends (weekends were my carb-refeed days, but they were more like carb-binging days). And I did the binge/purge thing two or three weekends in a row, and I was like, okay, I have to stop this. Then I stopped restricting mid-Feb and started the eating a ton thing, and I'm happy to say that it hasn't happened again since. (This is not to say that it will never happen again.)

    I'm not sure if taking out the IUD has done anything for me weight-wise. I definitely didn't experience any magical weight loss from having it removed, but it's possible that these things take time. I used to never get menstrual cramps before I got the IUD, but this last time I had my period, after I had it removed, I had a very slight amount of cramping. So it's possible that my body is still adjusting to not having it there. Who knows. But I don't regret taking it out though. It's good not to have a foreign object in my uterus, causing chronic inflammation there.

  7. #17
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    5/24/13

    Food
    2 bananas
    1 tbsp sun butter
    protein shake (~200 cal)
    sweet potato muffin (1 egg, 1 sweet potato, mashed, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, nutmeg)
    couple bites of vanilla-flavored raw milk yogurt (best ever)
    3 rice cakes w/ feta cheese
    1 chocolate truffle
    brunswick stew (376 cal)
    1 banana
    fruit salad (cantaloupe, honey dew, watermelon, strawberries, mango, and orange) --> fruit overload, but, yesterday, on my DD, I kept walking by these fruit salad trucks, and the fruit smelled SO good. So I had to get a fruit salad today.
    1 non-fat Greek yogurt (100 cal)
    sausage cooked with kale and mushrooms
    2 bananas cooked in coconut milk with splashes of rum
    2 or 3 alcoholic beverages
    I think I may have had more rice cakes and sun butter (which means that I failed to stick to the only one tbsp of sun butter thing)--I can't really remember b/c that was Friday and I'm not trying to fill in the gaps on Monday.

    Workout
    Crossfit--I don't usually CF on Fridays, but my plantar fasciitis made me not want to run.

    Since yesterday, I've been trying to remember to engage my abs and squeeze my butt at all times. Apparently, that's the proper posture you're supposed to be in all the time (one where your spine is in a straight line, rather than curved, which is the relaxed state). One of my crossfit coaches said that if I remembered to be in that posture all the time, it will help build up endurance in those core muscles. That will make things easier when I'm lifting weights and doing bodyweight stuff like pullups and pushups. Needless to say, I have fairly crappy core strength and even crappier endurance in my core muscles. But I can hold a plank for 3 minutes. Anyway, it's pretty hard to remember to engage those muscles all the time. I feel like I'm having to exert effort constantly, and that makes me feel lazy the rest of the time? I mean, I feel like a lazy bum for not being in the proper posture my entire life and going about with my belly sticking out and my spine curved, hehe!
    Last edited by diene; 05-27-2013 at 12:08 PM.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by serenity View Post
    Hey YogaBare! Yeah, I decided to start a journal since everyone else is doing it. But it's mostly turned into a food log for me, just tracking what I eat, in case the JUDDD thing fails, and I have to tweak it. Might help to have a log. Less irritating than entering everything into FitDay because that would require me to measure/weigh the food and will remind me of my crazy track-everything-I-eat days.

    I consider myself to be recovered from my ED, but I have to admit that I still binge on occasion and (even more rarely) purge afterwards (can't believe I just admitted this on the Interwebs). Hi everyone, yes, I still make myself puke after binging every once in a while (like maybe three or four times a year). I go months and months at a time without doing it though. I have to admit that when I was VLC and restricting calories a couple of months ago, I'd end up binging a lot of weekends (weekends were my carb-refeed days, but they were more like carb-binging days). And I did the binge/purge thing two or three weekends in a row, and I was like, okay, I have to stop this. Then I stopped restricting mid-Feb and started the eating a ton thing, and I'm happy to say that it hasn't happened again since. (This is not to say that it will never happen again.)

    I'm not sure if taking out the IUD has done anything for me weight-wise. I definitely didn't experience any magical weight loss from having it removed, but it's possible that these things take time. I used to never get menstrual cramps before I got the IUD, but this last time I had my period, after I had it removed, I had a very slight amount of cramping. So it's possible that my body is still adjusting to not having it there. Who knows. But I don't regret taking it out though. It's good not to have a foreign object in my uterus, causing chronic inflammation there.
    "Serenity - NE US - I know that chick!!!"

    Aw girl, don't feel bad about the purging - particularly not about revealing it online. I find that the more transparent I am on here, the more "normal" I am in real life..! We all have a lot of dark thoughts / habits, and the internet gives us a place to vent them anonymously. So share away!

    If it makes you feel any better, my ED was pretty similar to yours: binging and purging. I also had bouts of starvation and being underweight thrown into the mix. 13 years of my life I was a slave to it. Makes me sad now to think of all that time I wasted I have to say, the binging and purging was way more destructive psychologically than the starving. It's so horrible to feel so out of control. At the worst, darkest phase of my ED I was binging every day, and literally had no will to live.

    That's amazing that the "Eating a Ton" ended your issues as well!!! My god, we should write a book on it. And like you, I only gained a couple of pounds. How ridiculous...

    How's the JUDD thing going? How long have you been doing it? I think it's great that you're starting to journal - for me it was definitely a turning point. Just taking note of all this stuff makes you so much more aware, and helps you draw correlations between things.

    Also, where in Cali are you based? (If you don't mind revealing that info on the web! ) I'm going to be travelling through Cali when I come over (between SF - Santa Cruz - Los Vegas) so our paths may cross yet!
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  9. #19
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    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    "Serenity - NE US - I know that chick!!!"
    Unfortunately, Serenity is my real name. When I joined this forum, I had no idea that I would be oversharing with everyone so didn't feel the need to use a fake username since my real name was available. Anyone who knows me in real life and who happens to read this would know that it's me so there's no point in hiding at this point...

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Aw girl, don't feel bad about the purging - particularly not about revealing it online. I find that the more transparent I am on here, the more "normal" I am in real life..! We all have a lot of dark thoughts / habits, and the internet gives us a place to vent them anonymously. So share away!
    Only anonymous cuz you guys don't know me in real life! And (hopefully) people who know me in real life don't read these forums!

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    If it makes you feel any better, my ED was pretty similar to yours: binging and purging. I also had bouts of starvation and being underweight thrown into the mix. 13 years of my life I was a slave to it. Makes me sad now to think of all that time I wasted I have to say, the binging and purging was way more destructive psychologically than the starving. It's so horrible to feel so out of control. At the worst, darkest phase of my ED I was binging every day, and literally had no will to live.
    I've read that bulimia is more pathological (psychologically) than anorexia. It definitely takes up more time. I would spend HOURS each day binging and purging.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    That's amazing that the "Eating a Ton" ended your issues as well!!! My god, we should write a book on it. And like you, I only gained a couple of pounds. How ridiculous...
    I know! It's crazy that the difference between restricting a lot and eating a ton is only a few pounds. CICO fail!

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    How's the JUDD thing going? How long have you been doing it? I think it's great that you're starting to journal - for me it was definitely a turning point. Just taking note of all this stuff makes you so much more aware, and helps you draw correlations between things.
    So far, it's going pretty well. I'm at the end of my second week. I haven't binged on it yet. I think it's easier for me to deal with just one day of restriction at a time. That way I never really feel deprived. It's actually easier than 1500 calories a day, 5 days a week because that to me is just restricting 5 days in a row, which causes me to want to binge at the end. Not restricting macros really helps too. I don't think I can ever do VLC without binging. Restricting carbs like that just isn't sustainable for me.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Also, where in Cali are you based? (If you don't mind revealing that info on the web! ) I'm going to be travelling through Cali when I come over (between SF - Santa Cruz - Los Vegas) so our paths may cross yet!
    I'm not in Cali right now, unfortunately. I'm from Cali, and I plan on moving back there hopefully by the end of the year, possibly by September. You're going to be there in June, right? It sucks that I'm going to miss you! (There should be a smiley face that's a crying face. Just the one sad face gets repetitive.) BUT are you still planning on moving to SF? (When I move back, I'll be moving to the Bay Area--probably not going to move to SF but close--across the Bay from SF, Oakland, probably.) I can recommend a couple of good places to eat when you're in the SF area, especially if you have time to visit Berkeley, which you totally should because it's where I went to college and it's beautiful there. And lots of good food. It's beautiful there in June. And did I mention the food?

    Edited to add: I currently live in Philly. Hi--everyone who knows me!! @_@
    Last edited by diene; 05-24-2013 at 01:31 PM.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by serenity View Post
    I've read that bulimia is more pathological (psychologically) than anorexia. It definitely takes up more time. I would spend HOURS each day binging and purging.
    Both are slow forms of suicide, but I consider ana more like a cry for help, and bulimia / BED, a death wish.

    So far, it's going pretty well. I'm at the end of my second week. I haven't binged on it yet. I think it's easier for me to deal with just one day of restriction at a time. That way I never really feel deprived. It's actually easier than 1500 calories a day, 5 days a week because that to me is just restricting 5 days in a row, which causes me to want to binge at the end. Not restricting macros really helps too. I don't think I can ever do VLC without binging. Restricting carbs like that just isn't sustainable for me.
    That's great you're doing well on it! Any weight loss? And I totally agree - restricting an entire group of macros is a dangerous game for people with previous EDs.

    I'm not in Cali right now, unfortunately. I'm from Cali, and I plan on moving back there hopefully by the end of the year, possibly by September. You're going to be there in June, right? It sucks that I'm going to miss you! (There should be a smiley face that's a crying face. Just the one sad face gets repetitive.) BUT are you still planning on moving to SF? (When I move back, I'll be moving to the Bay Area--probably not going to move to SF but close--across the Bay from SF, Oakland, probably.) I can recommend a couple of good places to eat when you're in the SF area, especially if you have time to visit Berkeley, which you totally should because it's where I went to college and it's beautiful there. And lots of good food. It's beautiful there in June. And did I mention the food?

    Edited to add: I currently live in Philly. Hi--everyone who knows me!! @_@
    If you could recommend some places to eat that would be ace! I might spend a few days in SF by myself - any recomms on where to stay, or should I try Oakland?

    Btw, I think Ciki90 is near Philly!
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

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