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  1. #761
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    Quote Originally Posted by Driedmango View Post
    Wow that's one hell of a story, Om.

    Literally sounds like something out of a movie. Every once in a while I read someone's story on here and i'm so impressed that they managed to overcome so much crap and come out of it just seeming so...good, for lack of better words. This is definitely one of those stories. You're always so witty and jokey, it makes it hard to imagine you've had such a rough story.

    I honestly wish I had like a teeny bit of the strength you, Ci and Om had with your stories. I have no flashing reason as to why I'm as fucked up as i am towards food, and i have no concrete reason not to get my shit together and get better. But here i am. Whereas you three has such powerful stories, and you all fought through it! I'm super duper impressed, lol (and a little jealous!).

    As for the stress thing, i dont know much about the scientific aspect of it, aside from the fact that stress puts a major damper on your immune system. So i don't doubt that the stress played a huge role on everything that happened with your health.

    I'm really glad you're feeling better!
    Thank you, Mango I know, it all seemed so surreal even as it was happening. I was like, is this fucker for real? But those months were just one, giant, prolonged out of body experience, as if I were watching it all unfold from an extremely uncomfortable movie theater chair with crappy, butter oiled popcorn and they didn't even have Bunch-a-Crunch! Worst movie ever.

    I spent a lot of my childhood feeling like a victim and I decided I didn't want to be that way anymore, so I pushed a lot of things aside. I'm of the mindset that you create your own reality, so even if I have created my health problems for whatever reason, I will not allow other aspects of my life to be affected. There's nothing you can do about the past other than figure out how to deal with it in your own head. I try not to let things that have happened affect my current state in a negative way (although it seems maybe I have). I seem carefree and joke around because I really am happy. I don't want to be any other way.

    I know what you mean. We all want to pin point that one cause, that one moment where everything started to go downhill. You don't know how many times I prayed for tests to come back positive... Please let it be a bacterial overgrowth, an infection, an autoimmune disease. It's kind of sick, but we all feel like we need answers. I think little things here and there can add up as well. Even if you mother was under any kind of stress while you were in the womb, etc. I think it goes back as far as that.

    Quote Originally Posted by YogaBare View Post
    Well, you know what I think

    The question is: if the physical body has been impacted, but stress is the causation, how does one go about healing?
    That's the million dollar question, isn't it? How does one "deal" with one's feelings? I've come to a lot of conclusions about perception recently. I really think you can change your mind in an instant. So what I need to uncover is why I don't want to change my mind. Why do I want to continue to be sick? Why don't I want to heal? If I really, truly, honestly wanted nothing more than to be healthy and happy, I would have done it already.

    FWIW, I just recall reading in that book that my naturopath gave me that everyone is dealing with rage. Not just anger, but deep seated, balls to the wall rage. And it isn't until you access and accept that rage that you can heal. I've never been an angry person, really (well, for a few years in high school, but I was having a lot of emotional issues). I can't remember the last time I was truly angry with anyone. It just doesn't happen. Maybe I need to tap into some anger?

    Umm. I'm don't know. I'm in a weird headspace right now. Getting a lot of clarity, as you are. Ultimately I do want to get my body in proper working order (that includes metabolism, which is linked to more than just how much you can eat), but I need to do something differently. We're actually very much on the same page. It's morning time here and I was about to write a big entry (like yours) but I know there's only so much time people can devote to reading, so I might hold off.
    I didn't mean to steal your thunder! People will read your story... We should coordinate next time. I'm sorry I won't write on my love life tomorrow. Your turn!

    Do you ever look back on your entries and see if what you ate could be responsible for prolonged symptoms? I didn't, so there was no point in my listing the food. It just made me pedantic. Saying that, I think I started eating more, and eating whatever the fuck I wanted when I stopped the diary, so there is that...!
    I actually do... Or did. I still do sometimes. I was going to stop journaling food during that time because I noticed that I was eating the same exact things daily and seeing no changes so I knew it was pointless, but then I changed up my diet and found it useful again. I do think it creates anxiety at the same time, however. And I do know that what I eat is affected by knowing that I am going to have to write it down.

    Awww. Likewise! I always appreciate your input and advice. And I am really glad that we've actually met now. I think there's only so much online interactions can really evolve, and it's like there's another layer to our communication now. Hugzzz!
    We've taken our relationship to a whole new level <3 What's next? (a threesome?)

    Holy shit I need to go to bed.
    Last edited by ombat; 06-26-2013 at 12:27 AM.

  2. #762
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    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    I've come to a lot of conclusions about perception recently. I really think you can change your mind in an instant. So what I need to uncover is why I don't want to change my mind. Why do I want to continue to be sick? Why don't I want to heal? If I really, truly, honestly wanted nothing more than to be healthy and happy, I would have done it already.
    As I always say: it's easy to change. What's difficult, is not changing back. And often, people think they're changing something, but really they are just fulfilling another part of the same pattern. So personally, I don't know if real change can ever come from just thinking. The subconscious rules too much. Consciously, you want to be happy; subconsciously, maybe you don't feel you deserve it?

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    FWIW, I just recall reading in that book that my naturopath gave me that everyone is dealing with rage. Not just anger, but deep seated, balls to the wall rage. And it isn't until you access and accept that rage that you can heal. I've never been an angry person, really (well, for a few years in high school, but I was having a lot of emotional issues). I can't remember the last time I was truly angry with anyone. It just doesn't happen. Maybe I need to tap into some anger?
    That resonates with me too. Because my mum has such a violent temper I've always tried to be completely different to her. I feel so trapped and frustrated sometimes, and I'm sure this is a symptom of inner rage. I feel like my inner fire has been quenched, and I wonder if all the approaches I've taken (yoga, being gentle with myself etc) are helping me in one way, but not succeeding in helping me tap into my passion for life. For ages I've thought I'd like to do a martial art or something. I'd love to take something really seriously, because most of the time I try to be laid back and see the funny side about everything. It would be interesting to have one of those super strict, militant teachers..!

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    I didn't mean to steal your thunder! People will read your story... We should coordinate next time. I'm sorry I won't write on my love life tomorrow. Your turn!
    LOL - don't be silly!!! Write when you feel. I'll do the same. Though, commenting on what you're going through is causing me to reflect anyway.

    Quote Originally Posted by ombat View Post
    I actually do... Or did. I still do sometimes. I was going to stop journaling food during that time because I noticed that I was eating the same exact things daily and seeing no changes so I knew it was pointless, but then I changed up my diet and found it useful again. I do think it creates anxiety at the same time, however. And I do know that what I eat is affected by knowing that I am going to have to write it down.
    Do the benefits outweigh the downsides?

    We've taken our relationship to a whole new level <3 What's next? (a threesome?)
    Next step is a role playing fantasy where we both dress up as cavemen. They have forums for that! Oh... wait
    "I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.

    In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."

    - Ray Peat

  3. #763
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    [[hugs]] Can I sent you flowers? Haha. I am with you guys when it comes to stress & "health issues" (specifically digestive). Part of my plan for healing this year has become to not stress over eating. For 6 months, I ate gluten and "crap" foods at least weekly. My digestion improved, though still requires the help of supplements. Recently, I've been stressing more about financial shit and my digestion is going down the shitter (not literally, unfortunately) again. I am working on taking care of myself mentally and eating some damn ice cream if I feel like it.
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  4. #764
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    Toughen up, buttercup!


    What were you doing when your joints started aching, were you eating the same diet that you previously felt great on or did it change? You said you went on a trip to hawaii and felt bad after that?

    I dont see this being manifested from stress alone, at least not long term like it is now. Im leaning towards a parasite or bacterial overgrowth. Sorry to say but these things seem really hard to pinpoint and even harder to fix. I suggest eating and being happy.

    Also its crazy that some people can be so crazy! Hope that guy didnt turn into a serial killer or something.

  5. #765
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    [[hugs]] Can I sent you flowers? Haha. I am with you guys when it comes to stress & "health issues" (specifically digestive). Part of my plan for healing this year has become to not stress over eating. For 6 months, I ate gluten and "crap" foods at least weekly. My digestion improved, though still requires the help of supplements. Recently, I've been stressing more about financial shit and my digestion is going down the shitter (not literally, unfortunately) again. I am working on taking care of myself mentally and eating some damn ice cream if I feel like it.
    Haha, tell me about it... I like your attitude! Are you still eating "crap" foods every once in a while? (I don't see anything wrong with ice cream, BTW!)


    Quote Originally Posted by Zach View Post
    Toughen up, buttercup!
    It's so embarrassing. I don't even recognize that person. I'm so no-nonsense with people I can't even imagine I let that shit go on.

    What were you doing when your joints started aching, were you eating the same diet that you previously felt great on or did it change? You said you went on a trip to hawaii and felt bad after that?

    I dont see this being manifested from stress alone, at least not long term like it is now. Im leaning towards a parasite or bacterial overgrowth. Sorry to say but these things seem really hard to pinpoint and even harder to fix. I suggest eating and being happy.
    The chronology is kind of fuzzy. It happened after the stomach infection and I think before I started eliminating a lot of things. I know I started with dairy, then soy, nuts, corn, eggs... And my joints were killing me through all of this. So I don't think I induced it through diet.

    I'm certain I picked something up in Hawaii and I'm pretty sure it was leptospirosis if not some other water borne pathogen. We did a lot of waterfall hikes and apparently a few weeks after we left there were signs everywhere (in the exact locations we had been) warning to stay out because of lepto.

    I am STILL trying to get those advanced pathogen screens ordered. It will check for candida and more specific parasites and bacteria. Derp thinks I should take a targeted antibiotic (I was actually thinking about taking an antibiotic for my skin, which my derm has been suggesting for ages). Antibiotics have been demonized and I'm not sure if they would help or just make things worse. I was tested for SIBO, btw, which came back negative.

    Also its crazy that some people can be so crazy! Hope that guy didnt turn into a serial killer or something.
    I don't know and I don't care. He actually sent me a FB message recently asking me how I was and wondering why it was I still hate him. I read it, laughed, and forgot about it until just yesterday. It's funny because I don't even hate him. It's been almost 2 years and he's still so off base. Move on, buddy.

  6. #766
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    Yea i would out money on it being a parasite or bacteria. An antibiotic might actually be beneficial in this instance. You might also try to find a naturopath that specializes in that area. I believe a lot of them are quacks but you might get lucky. Maybe try some other types of antibacterial things like coliodal silver or high dose coconut oil, maybe ACV treatment? Youd have to read up before trying.

  7. #767
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    Dairy is cruel to me now (recently development since the constipation started last year though, so I'm hoping I can fix this with yogurt or something), so ice cream is awesome, but the pain, bathroom trips, and acne it gives me are not. I am still trying to do stress-free eating, but it's hard when stuff like pizza gives me heartburn (from the oils they use, soybean oil is not my friend) and other kinds of digestive upset aside from constipation. I'll still eat wheat-based cookies now and then, just working on releasing myself from any kind of unneeded limiting behavior. One or two cookies in the evening doesn't do anything to me, but I can't behave myself around ice cream. Plus, you know, budget definitely impacts how often I can happily say "fuck it" and order out or eat out.

    I agree that it seems bacterial in nature, especially following some kind of infection. Oil of oregano is a great antibacterial/microbial/fungal supplement as well as what Zach listed.
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  8. #768
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zach View Post
    Yea i would out money on it being a parasite or bacteria. An antibiotic might actually be beneficial in this instance. You might also try to find a naturopath that specializes in that area. I believe a lot of them are quacks but you might get lucky. Maybe try some other types of antibacterial things like coliodal silver or high dose coconut oil, maybe ACV treatment? Youd have to read up before trying.
    Trust me I've read up on everything. I've tried a lot of antifungals / antibacterials (including coconut oil and ACV) and they only make things worse - apparently an indication that I do have a problem. I was just never sure how long I was supposed to make myself suffer... Bloating, constipation, fatigue, and skin gets worse. "Die off" they say. But I think they just adapt and come back anyway.

  9. #769
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    Quote Originally Posted by namelesswonder View Post
    Dairy is cruel to me now (recently development since the constipation started last year though, so I'm hoping I can fix this with yogurt or something), so ice cream is awesome, but the pain, bathroom trips, and acne it gives me are not. I am still trying to do stress-free eating, but it's hard when stuff like pizza gives me heartburn (from the oils they use, soybean oil is not my friend) and other kinds of digestive upset aside from constipation. I'll still eat wheat-based cookies now and then, just working on releasing myself from any kind of unneeded limiting behavior. One or two cookies in the evening doesn't do anything to me, but I can't behave myself around ice cream. Plus, you know, budget definitely impacts how often I can happily say "fuck it" and order out or eat out.

    I agree that it seems bacterial in nature, especially following some kind of infection. Oil of oregano is a great antibacterial/microbial/fungal supplement as well as what Zach listed.
    I think you can eat stress free while still avoiding things that you know cause issues. Coconut milk ice cream is delicious, for example, and Coconut Bliss brand is very clean. For me, it's been being able to eat a lot of types of food that give me comfort but only what I knew I could stomach. For example, Hispanic food is comfort food for me. I may not be able to eat the onions that come with the carnitas, but I can enjoy the sauce, the rice, etc. You'll find a balance.

  10. #770
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    Wow, that is a really crazy story. I think your issues may (at least partially) be caused by emotional things. Other than stress, is it possible that you were also experiencing feelings of guilt? I say this because you mentioned how your stepdad had become distant in the years before his death but that you didn't do anything to change that, and how you were harsh to your mom right after she lost her husband. And then there's the crazy guy, who is probably the least of these, but you said that you didn't like how you treated him in the end. All of these things could add up and manifest as physical symptoms.

    Maybe I should read that book your naturopath gave you. Did it talk about how to accept your rage? I have a LOT of rage, and I have no difficulty accessing it since it's very close to the surface. But I'm not sure if I've accepted it or even what that means. When it boils over, I let it burn, and I don't really feel especially bad about it. But that hasn't helped me deal with it or get rid of it, if that's even possible.

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