Thanks for the empathy! I've just been ignoring it in all honesty (I'm getting really good at ignoring things that bother me ) but it is sad, and I'm partially ignoring it because I have no idea what to do next. We're not on speaking terms atm. The worst thing is that I realised I've done so much work to change, and I don't know if I can do much more. She's an impossible woman.
Originally Posted by ombat
Eek. That sounds harsh. You know, I can relate to that though. I expect it with my parents / family to some extent, but I had a friend who I used to regress with, and it really tore me apart. She would project things onto me of who I was in the past (like you feel your mum is doing). I tried talking to her about it many times, and it always ended badly, because she would dismiss it. In the end, I avoided her for a few months, and it upset her. When I started meeting up with her again, her behaviour was pretty different. SHe was more respectful.
Maybe we're too
close. She's just pushing my buttons; calling me out on behaviors that I don't even have any more, being very clingy, amongst other things. And this is hard to explain but something can turn her mood very quickly; i.e. she's bouncing around one minute and then the tiniest thing sets her off into full blown anger. She used to have drastic, bi-polar mood swings years ago (10+) when she was going through menopause and I sincerely think that traumatized me. So when she gives into these sudden changes I feel myself start to regress. It's like I completely shut down around her because of past memories. It makes me feel really stupid and weak so I end up getting mad at myself and I wind up just as angry and in a foul mood as she is. So there we are, both angry for no apparent reason, and it doesn't end well.
Sorry... I've been spilling my guts recently.
Anyway, my point is that maybe you need to establish more of a boundary with your mum? It's nearly impossible to establish boundaries with families at a young age because parents in particular feel that they own you (and there's so much projection and victimisation and resentment). But the time does come when the child cuts the cord for the first time. (it can grow back )
I'm aware I could also be taking this advice...
I'm sorry your energy is so bad: that is seriously annoying. All I can say is that you've been looking into the health thing for... how long now? Two years? It takes a while for figure out what's wrong. For some people with autoimmune diseases it takes 10 years! It took 7 years of dedicated fighting from me before I finally got rid of my chronic fatigue and depression (that I'd had for my whole life). I admire you because you're starting out on all this at such a young age, and I've no doubt that you'll figure it out. You'll get what you want - I know it It just takes time, but the process is important too, because it's during this that we mature.
I kind of wish they were in my head :/ My energy is terrible; probably from the starch (or from the lack of drugs that were keeping me going). And I'll admit that I do care about my body comp which is no better or worse. Sometimes I look in the mirror and feel like a cow, but I can just step away from it and forget until the next time I'm in front of a mirror. It's my thighs, man. and my upper body just feels mildly broader than it should be. The picture I saw of you recently looked great, btw!
I'm surprised your body comp hasn't changed since you've been eating less, but hey - you look great! I think women are just programmed to criticise themselves. I see thunder thighs whenever I look in the mirror too.
And thank you! I'm happy to say there've been more improvements since then! It's kind of exciting to see where this is going.
Oh dear. I'm officially a saddo.
"I think the basic anti-aging diet is also the best diet for prevention and treatment of diabetes, scleroderma, and the various "connective tissue diseases." This would emphasize high protein, low unsaturated fats, low iron, and high antioxidant consumption, with a moderate or low starch consumption.
In practice, this means that a major part of the diet should be milk, cheese, eggs, shellfish, fruits and coconut oil, with vitamin E and salt as the safest supplements."
- Ray Peat